How did you let go of bitterness?

[skysoar15]

I'm realizing how much of a chip on my shoulder I've got.

Stems from past bullying as a child to feeling isolated as a teen. 

Now, with all of this Christian stuff, I often feel angry and perpetually negative. 

 

The self-help books I read don't click to me. It's like my brain is addicted to negative patterns of thinking.

I see the words and they make sense, but my brain has been so used to being hurt that it doesn't absorb the information. 

 

I do a good job hiding it under a veneer of professionalism in my day to day life, but one day I'll meet somebody and perhaps get married.

Therapy is something I'll have to do one day, I'm sure. (Circumstances prevent it for now)

 

How did you guys let go of bitterness toward leaving Christianity and toward life, in general?

I ask because as pathetic as it sounds, it feels impossible to be a good person without 'God' behind me giving the motivation.

(And yeah, I know how stupid that sounds.)

 

[Lydie]

This book really helped me. Get it on audible as an audiobook.

 

Jonathan Haidt

The Happiness Hypothesis: Putting Ancient Wisdom to the Test of Modern Science

[Rounin]

I found Rational egoism through the author Ayn Rand.

By realizing that I was in fact not selfless, but a strongly self-interested person, I paradoxically also found it in me to have more real connection with and more compassion for others, because those feelings were motivated by a genuine interest and genuine joy of living.

 

That being said, I don't think shedding all negativity is a very viable option for me. My focus is not on ridding myself of my emotions, but rather on listening to them, interpreting what they might mean for me personally, and expressing them in the most beneficial way.

[MOHO]

 

I'm realizing how much of a chip on my shoulder I've got.

Stems from past bullying as a child to feeling isolated as a teen. 

Now, with all of this Christian stuff, I often feel angry and perpetually negative. 

 

The self-help books I read don't click to me. It's like my brain is addicted to negative patterns of thinking.

I see the words and they make sense, but my brain has been so used to being hurt that it doesn't absorb the information. 

 

I do a good job hiding it under a veneer of professionalism in my day to day life, but one day I'll meet somebody and perhaps get married.

Therapy is something I'll have to do one day, I'm sure. (Circumstances prevent it for now)

 

How did you guys let go of bitterness toward leaving Christianity and toward life, in general?

I ask because as pathetic as it sounds, it feels impossible to be a good person without 'God' behind me giving the motivation.

(And yeah, I know how stupid that sounds.)

 

 

I was informed this morning that I have not yet done so.

[Riversong]

My therapist loves Dr Dan Siegel- especially his book, "Mindsight."  His website has some info and free resources. Combines mindfulness and neurobiology. And how understanding what's going on can help you rewire. 

[JadedAtheist]

The Christianity related bitterness took me a couple years. At first I didn't realise I had any, and then when I did it took a little while to process. I'd say maybe 2-3 years overall. I had a very hard time growing up, and I missed out on a lot of opportunities so I can certainly appreciate the general bitterness you feel towards life. This is still something I am working through but I am in a much better place now in my 30s than I was in my early to mid twenties. I feel some of this is simply the time you're given to process it, but it's also the opportunities that come to you in life. For example, I met someone very special to me, and having someone else love me helped me love me.

 

I also started working towards things I always wanted (a better career, a college degree, losing weight) and making strides towards those goals helped me too. Lastly, I started focusing less on others and more on myself. Nothing kills joy in your life more than entering a dick measuring contest. There will always be people who are more social, more attractive, who have better jobs and interesting lives (and so on and so forth). For every 1 thing that you can find that you're good at, there will be 10 others where you'll lag behind. Focus on where you were 5 years ago and how far you've come now. It'll help with the negativity.

[Guest]

Bitterness? What bitterness? Don't you know you're not allowed to feel bitterness because that's sin and evidence of how far you've left God So says at least one church. To me, that's quite revealing of the boundaries Christianity places on any negative emotion. As a Christian I was in full repression mode when it came to any negative feelings such as bitterness, jealousy or anger. I didn't even fully realize until I started reading lots of psychology and going to a therapist how messed up I was in this area. If anyone wants to confront me with this 'sin' now, I'll have a ready answer: yes I'm human and I feel human emotions and nobody has permission to tell me what I can and cannot feel. Aim for the therapy when you're able to do it. Writing about your emotions is also a good way to get them out and process them.

[Margee]

skysoar, the experience of living is a bitter-sweet pill we all have to live with. For instance, this morning I wish I had enough money that I wouldn't have to work one more day of my life. I've been working since I was 12 years old and I'm tired of working. I got up this morning with the feeling of dread but looked at myself in the mirror a few minutes ago and told myself to shut up from whining. I have to get real angry at me. But I do it with a 'healthy' anger. I'm like a mother taking taking care of her spoiled child and I have to use disipline on myself all the time or it's real easy for me to fall into self pity.

 

I said it many times before that 'acceptance' of the cold, hard facts of life are the answer for me. If I continue to fight against the way life is, I stay miserable. So I will force myself to make the best of the day. I will try everything in my power to see the best in the day today. I'm not always completely succesful but I put the effort in because I do not want to remain a dread to myself and others. With or without god, I always feel better if I am trying to do the right thing. There's a couple of things that I really don't want to do today but I know as soon as I do them, I will feel really good. This is how I fight my depression everyday. I look at it like an enemy and tell it that I will not let it get the best of me. I put my boxing gloves on and tell the negativity to fuck off. It's the only thing that works for me. And once I get into that 'mind-set', I generally start to feel better. I talk out loud to my brain and tell it to take better commands. I pretend to be the 'sergent' of my brain. I give it commands.

 

The more things I force myself to do, the better I feel.  So off I go to work wheather I want to or not. So I shall paste a smile on this face and go do what a million other people have to do. I consider myself to be very lucky compared to many others on this earth. But it's only when I fight my way out of self-centeredness that I can feel this way.... and it's not always easy. It's this way for me or I remain bitter and I despise that feeling. I would rather fight the good fight than to stay depressed and bitter. I hope this helps a little knowing that you are not alone in the battle of life.

 

(hug)

[disillusioned]

I still have some bitterness and resentment, but I don't let it rule me. I choose to focus on where I am now. I'm in a pretty good spot. I don't hate who I am or what I do (most of the time). I'm happy.

 

If not for Christianity, I would be a different person. Maybe better, maybe not. There's no way to know. All I can know is that I am who I am because of my experiences. And since I'm happy now, I can't really be too bitter about the past.

[ag_NO_stic]

I'm still bitter. But I'm just a lil baby deconvert, so I'll let the experienced ones speak for how they got over it. I think bitterness is likely healthy for a bit as you explore and tackle all the emotion behind this deconversion process. It can just hold you back if you let it for long periods of time.

[florduh]

I've been told I'm too pragmatic (if such a thing is possible). Perhaps that's why I see bitterness as an impediment and therefore am not even tempted to entertain it. There are no positives to hanging on to bitterness, resentment or hatred, but I understand most people just can't help doing so. I wish you well, normal people!

[TABA]

 

I've been told I'm too pragmatic (if such a thing is possible). Perhaps that's why I see bitterness as an impediment and therefore am not even tempted to entertain it. There are no positives to hanging on to bitterness, resentment or hatred, but I understand most people just can't help doing so. I wish you well, normal people!

 

Is it your Dad or your Mom that's a Vulcan? ?

[★ Citsonga ★]

 

How did you guys let go of bitterness toward leaving Christianity and toward life, in general?

 

When I woke up to reality, I was a bit bitter about how I had been misled and fed a lie my whole life (29 years at that point). I had built my whole life around something that I thought was a sure thing, but it came crumbling down. That was very painful and frustrating.

 

However, to whom could I direct my bitterness? The people who taught me to believe in Christianity weren't intentionally deceiving me. They were deceived themselves, so they were just as much victims as I was. I didn't really have anyone in my life to be bitter towards, so I just had to let it go. In time the frustration subsided. Even though I still wish I hadn't been indoctrinated into religion, it's over and done with now, so for the most part I just don't think about it anymore. I just try to live a decent life by taking care of my family.

 

It's my hope that time will heal your frustrations as well. Good luck, and enjoy the journey ahead of you....

 

[knightcore]

I think honestly, it's something you need a lot of time and self reflection for.  Coming to terms with bitterness can either help you let it go or at least live with it until you can let it go. I still haven't been able to let some of it go. It's a journey like anything else.