Some Light Entertainment For The Lions

[bornagainathiest]

https://www.christianforums.com/threads/setting-the-record-straight.7787964/

 

Hello Lions!

 

If you want to have a chuckle at (almost) the worst case of Bible-induced brain rot that I know of, then please look no further than AV1611VET.  

 

 

He's a long-time member of Christianforums.com.

A few years ago he discovered that people on 'another website' were making fun of him and his idiosyncratic beliefs.  So he decided to publicly set the record straight by starting a thread where he listed twenty of his key 'Christian' beliefs.  (He's changed his mind on a few of them in the interim.)  I've cut-and-paste his OP for your interest, for your scorn and derision and just for the laughs.  When he declares, 'This is correct' he really, truly and genuinely means it.  He's not spoofing and he's not a troll.  He really believes this stuff.  

 

Needless to say, the other Christians on Christianforums.com view him with a mixture of bemusement, embarrassment and dismay.

I'm sure that almost all of them would much rather he weren't a permanent feature of that site.  But what can they do?  He's broken no rules, violated no guidelines and given no reason for the Mods of that site to censure or eject him.  So he remains.

 

Since I look in on his doings from time to time I've learned a little bit more about his beliefs and so I can supply some more explanation for # 1, # 3 and # 10.

The kind of English he believes was spoken by everyone in the world (see # 1) is Jacobean English.  That's because he believes that the 1611 King James Authorized Version of the Bible is the only true Word of God.   

 

#3.

Cratering ....on the Moon and other planets was due to the battling of angels and demons.

 

# 10.

AV1611VET believes that God created the garden of Eden for Adam and Eve on the ancient supercontinent of Pangaea.

According to science this landmass existed between 300 and 275 million years ago.  But what does science know?  The scriptures tell a different story.  Pangaea existed no more than 6,000 years ago. The key to understanding why this is can be found in # 20.

 

 

Anyway, here you are folks.  Enjoy!  

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There's a goofy site that has me "apparently believing" the following; and I want to set the record straight here:

1. At one point everyone in the world spoke English.

This is correct.

2. That the mention of unicorns, dragons and behemoths in the Bible poses a problem for evolution.

It poses a problem for evolutionists.

3. Cratering was the result of a battle between angels and demons.

This is correct.

4. Unicorns were aboard Noah's ark and gave birth to different species of animals.

I no longer believe this.

5. Leprechauns exist as a manifestation of demons.

This is correct.

6. The Earth was the first planet in existence.

This is correct.

7. Peer reviewed articles on evolution should be disregarded because they weren't reviewed by Jesus.

I don't know where this comes from.

8. Human beings are not Homo sapiens.

This is correct.

9. Nero persecuted Christians for reversing the Earth's poles.

That was a joke; as was my Noah's Ark being a submarine thread.

10. Pangaea was actually Eden.

This is correct.

11. The three main rock types are "indigenous, megamorphic, and sentimental."

That was a joke.

12. Noah lived in present-day New Jersey.

This is correct.

13. That the dictionary is wrong in defining Christianity as a religion.

It is both a religion and a relationship.

14. Religious wars never occurred.

I don't remember saying that.

15. "Evolution teaches a monkey gave birth to the first human."

This is correct.

16. Atheism is a polytheistic religion.

This is correct.

17. Strong's Concordance is "a tool of Satan."

This is correct.

18. People should be proud of their own ignorance.

I'm changing this to: People should not be ashamed of their own ignorance.

19. Science is unreliable because of new discoveries.

This is correct.

20. Anything that contradicts the Bible is wrong by default, including real life.

This is correct.

[nutrichuckles93]

#18, #19, and #20 are the best/worst. They are hilarious and nauseating, in equal amounts.

[LogicalFallacy]

You've heard of low hanging fruit? That guy is not low hanging fruit - he is fruit fallen on the ground and is rotting away!

 

Sadly #20 reflects the views of many people including my family and friends.

[bornagainathiest]

Ooops!  I forgot about # 12.

 

AV1611VET has concluded that Noah lived in New Jersey, because gopher wood trees grow there.

This is the wood that Noah constructed the Ark from.  (See Genesis 6 : 14)  From this conclusion he can deduce the voyage of the Ark during it's 40 days afloat on the Flood.  Two animals of every kind converged on NJ and when the deluge came the Ark traveled east, crossing the Atlantic and the totally-flooded continent of Europe, to come to rest on the summit of Mount Ararat, in what is now modern-day Turkey.

 

 

[LogicalFallacy]

Which of course is why we can trace ice cores back 120,000 years... because the world was completed covered in water 4400 year ago and melted the ice *cough*

[florduh]

Entertaining! Love it!

[sdelsolray]

Although it is certainly shocking, while being interesting and pathetic at the same time, to observe granular details of yet another religious nutter masturbating on the internet, I suspect time could be better spent.

 

Poster AV1611VET, from that other site, is merely propagating memes, most for which are not likely to survive.  Fortunately, he is not capable of infecting the biological gene pool with his nonsense.

[sdelsolray]

3 hours ago, bornagainathiest said:

Ooops!  I forgot about # 12.

 

AV1611VET has concluded that Noah lived in New Jersey, because gopher wood trees grow there.

This is the wood that Noah constructed the Ark from.  (See Genesis 6 : 14)  From this conclusion he can deduce the voyage of the Ark during it's 40 days afloat on the Flood.  Two animals of every kind converged on NJ and when the deluge came the Ark traveled east, crossing the Atlantic and the totally-flooded continent of Europe, to come to rest on the summit of Mount Ararat, in what is now modern-day Turkey.

 

 

 

Hey BAA, why don't you invite AV1611VET, master of information (and no doubt little shit), over here to strut his stuff?  That would be entertaining.  We need a new chew toy.

[Blamtasticful]

If Leprechauns are manifestations of demons I wonder what he thinks of Gingers lol. #1, 12, & 15-20 are simply astonishing.

[bornagainathiest]

13 hours ago, sdelsolray said:

 

Hey BAA, why don't you invite AV1611VET, master of information (and no doubt little shit), over here to strut his stuff?  That would be entertaining.  We need a new chew toy.

 

Have you taken a look at the number of posts made by AV1611VET in Christianforums, sdelsolray?

 

Once here, he'd flood this forum with his unique brand of nonsense and keep on doing so until the Mods shut him down.

 

No thanks.  I'd rather not inflict him on us.

[Aries256]

Reading that nonsense gave me a migraine