Christy

So much guilt...

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Christy    29

Hello. I just discovered this site a few days ago by chance. Thank you to its creators and to every active member. I'm so glad to be able to connect to this community. 

 

I was born and raised in Georgia. Right in the Bible Belt. From birth until about age 14, I attended a little Southern Baptist Church without even 50 members. Throughout my teens and into my early 20s, I changed to a Pentecostal church. I never considered myself to be of one denomination or another. I only ever referred to myself as a Christian and simply changed churches because of a racist incident at the baptist church. 

 

My parents took me to church nearly every Sunday and always sent me to VBS. Christianity was pounded into my head every chance they had. They never questioned our religion. I tried not to. I was made to feel like I should believe every word of the Bible and every word from the pastor and questioning or disagreeing with either was something you just didn't do. When disagreements or questions arose, I suppressed them. I tried hard not to think of them and worked diligently to pray my guilt away. 

 

All of my life, I never felt connected to God. This of course was my fault. I didn't try hard enough. I didn't pray enough. I wasn't good enough...etc, etc. I remember as a child being scared that I would go to hell because I never felt saved. I would go through the motions and come through the other side feeling guilty for the lack of change inside of me. Every church service ended with an alter call for the unsaved. This stressed me out. I would often fake a bathroom break when I noticed the sermon wrapping up so I could skip the guilt and nervousness that would follow. I would say the sinners prayer every Sunday to myself, in my seat. I wanted so badly to run to the front of the church, throw myself on the alter and beg God to please accept me. Why wouldn't he connect with me? Was I so bad? What was I doing wrong? 

 

If you've ever been to a Pentecostal church, then you know the emotional hype that hangs in the atmosphere. Countless times I would watch the congregation "experience God" and dance and sing and shout and run and speak in tongues and cry!! So much crying! All because they were feeling God move through them. I was alone in the room. I participated but it was forced. My tears fell for the lack of God that I felt and of course, more guilt because of it. 

 

Guilt not God was the only thing that ever moved me. 

 

From high school into early adulthood, I could not deny that I felt differently about homosexuality, abortion and how the world was created. I had always had a strong interest in science and psychology. If you have studied either, you can understand how both will make you question any religion. College was even worse! My religious beliefs were put to the test and they didn't hold up. I tried to go to church but it was so forced and I found it was easier to deal with my guilt outside of church. 

 

I finally began to allow myself to question my religion which led to questioning if God was even real. Once I started having children, I felt it my duty to raise them in the church, because not doing so was a sin, right? I would one day have to account for that, right? I tried to find a church to attend and I began to read my Bible. I wanted to read it from cover to cover. That wasn't a good idea. It led to more questions and disagreements. 

 

About two years ago I decided I would stop pursuing God/Jesus and Christianity. I was tired of the fight within myself and I had long been tired of the guilt. I wanted to be neutral and just see if God would come to me. I wanted to be a good little Christian. I wanted Gods approval. I was just so tired, I needed a break. 

 

Finally, last year, I was forced to face myself and my beliefs. I was forced to decide what was real. This may sound like the craziest thing but I have to thank Donald Trump for helping me see the truth. 

.

.

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(((Let me take a short pause for a good belly laugh 😂😂😂😂😂)))

.

.

.

When I saw how many "Christians" supported and praised a man who was NOTHING like Jesus, who didn't even look like a Christian to me, someone who we should stand against.. it threw me for a loop to say the least. I was angry at the church for supporting him. My biggest problem is that he is racist and misogynistic. My husband is black and all three of our children are mixed. I have two daughter who I want to grow up expecting equality and nothing less than common respect. I am raising a son to treat women equally and respectfully in all situations. Needless to say, the whole Trump persona feels like a personal attack against my life. I felt hurt by those close to me or whom I considered friends because they were supporters of him and I felt like they were disgracing my religion. The religion I had worked so hard to follow. So many of the Christians that I knew walked closely with God, somehow didn't see how bad this man was. I had never heard from God but they had. They had that close relationship that I couldn't achieve. How come God didn't tell them not to support Trump? If Jesus was in their hearts, why didn't he move them to know the truth? I became mad at God and the whole idea of Christianity. We were supposed to be all about love. Jesus' greatest teaching was to love right? But here we are, the Christian community is supporting someone who hates other races. 

 

This year, I have taken a long hard look at the idea of Christianity and at what I've been taught to believe and what I feel and actually believe in my heart. The conclusion I've come to? I do not believe in any of it. I believe in science. I believe in humans. I believe in this world and in the universe and that is all. Christianity is a scam. The Bible is a bad fairy tale used to control us and warp our minds and our behaviors. I'm over it. Last week I sat down and cried as I admitted this to myself and felt the chains I've drug around fall off of me. The guilt has washed away. I feel a sense of freedom that I have never known. 

 

The night I found this website, I nervously, half-ass admitted to my husband that I did not believe any longer. I said "honey, I don't think I'm a Christian anymore..." He looked at me and said "yeah, I've had my doubts for a long time. I think there might be a higher power but it's nothing like what the Bible says". So we were both non-believers and I just fell in love with him all over again 😍!!

 

Until I hit "submit" on this post, he's the only one who knows. My parents would be heartbroken and probably drive the 10 hours between us right now to lay hands on me tonight! My mom is convinced that the world is about to end and Jesus is going to come back any moment. I hear an end of time speach every time we get on the phone and I know that telling her I don't believe would only cause her pain, stress and sadness. So, I will stay in the "closet" for now until I can grow some balls. I would love to just put it out there that I am done with religion, but I don't want to hurt her or hear her mouth. I don't really know how my friends or family will react. I hope they will accept me for not believing as I accept them for believing. Who knows. At least, in my own home, with my dear husband, I can be myself. As for my children, I just want them to live life. They can decide what they believe when they are old enough to analyze the world and whatever religions it can offer them at that time. 

 

Thanks for reading 🙂

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Welcome to Ex-C Christy

 

Many aspects of your story are similar to mine.

 

Glad you found your way out of religion, and glad you found us. Also its great that your husband seems to share your lack of belief - that will make things much easier. There are some members here who have very different stories to tell with spouses that are still fundies and make life difficult.

 

Coming out to parents is difficult, very difficult. There is no rush, hang around here, ask questions, read the testimonials of those who have gone before you, their experiences may help you. Much has been written on this site about the best ways to come out. You'll find them under Testimonies of former Christians, and Ex Christian life forums.

 

All the best

LF

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Christy    29

Thank you!! I am very lucky to have him. I have read some stories here of others who have to hide it from their spouse. That would be so difficult. He's my best friend. I was definitely afraid of how he would react. I will look into how others have approached the parent issue. I definitely have no idea how to even begin. Part of me just wants to send out a group text and post it on all my social media accounts at once and say to hell with it! But that wouldn't be fair to my family. I can dream about it though. 😴

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Geezer    2,287

Welcome, glad you found us. I know you will find lots of support here, as well as a lot of good information. Rest assured the Bible is neither literally or historically true. You will find lots of resource material here that will be valuable in providing answers to all the many questions I'm sure you have.

 

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Christy    29
Just now, Geezer said:

Rest assured the Bible is neither literally or historically true. You will find lots of resource material here that will be valuable in providing answers to all the many questions I'm sure you have.

 

Thank you, I'm so glad to be here. There's so much to read, I love it! I've always found difficulty in connecting the history of the world and the Bible. I once read a book called The Science of God that twisted the words of the Bible to fit alongside the Big Bang and evolution. It seemed like a stretch. It seems like you can always interpret the words in that book however you want to in order to make it fit your situation. Yes, I do have many questions. It will take a while to answer them but I'm looking forward to it. 

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Margee    3,589

Welcome to Ex-c Christy. I'm so glad you found us!  Thank you for sharing your story with us.

 

Everyone on this board understands what you are going through. It has taken me 7 years of deconverting on this board to learn a new world view after getting out of the Pentecostal church. By the way, all you were seeing at the altar was a bunch of highly emotional people. Pentecostalism is run on emotion. That's why I got hooked because I am a highly emotional person and they can suck us in using their 'happy' bait. Keep reading my friend. There is tons of stuff to read here that will show you that you are far from being alone.  You are 'home' with people who truly understand. Looking forward to hearing more from you. Take your time.... because time will give you the wisdom to know how to react in many situations. Post all your questions. Someone is always here to help you.

 

(hug)

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Christy    29
1 minute ago, Margee said:

Welcome to Ex-c Christy. I'm so glad you found us! Everyone on this board understands what you are going through. It has taken me 7 years of deconverting on this board to learn a new world view after getting out of the Pentecostal church. By the way, all you were seeing at the altar was a bunch of highly emotional people. Pentecostalism is run on emotion. That's why I got hooked because I am a highly emotional person and they can suck us in using their 'happy' bait. Keep reading my friend. There is tons of stuff to read here that will show you that you are far from being alone.  You are 'home' with people who truly understand. Looking forward to hearing more from you. Take your time.... because time will give you the wisdom to know how to react in many situations. Post all your questions. Someone is always here to help you.

 

(hug)

Hello and thank you. This feels like such a warm place already. I just can't express how I feel to be here. You are right, I am not alone. Thanks again! :) if you have any favorite posts please share. There is so much content on this site it will take a long time to navigate through all of it, if that is even possible. Lol

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Margee    3,589
3 minutes ago, Christy said:

Hello and thank you. This feels like such a warm place already. I just can't express how I feel to be here. You are right, I am not alone. Thanks again! :) if you have any favorite posts please share. There is so much content on this site it will take a long time to navigate through all of it, if that is even possible. Lol

Christy, this was probably my best testimony when I first joined. I hope you get something from it. It will show you the questions that I had myself. I wrote this letter to ''God''. I was in agony the night I wrote it.

 

http://www.ex-christian.net/topic/44259-please-forgive-me/

 

 

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Hello and welcome. You're not alone. Was raised in fundie non-denom and Pentecostalism from birth - 21. My story is also in this forum. Can relate except I did feel God, but I think it's really all a collective energy from the congregation. I still felt all the guilt regardless. Feel free to check out my story. You're supported and heard here. 

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Christy    29
20 minutes ago, Margee said:

Christy, this was probably my best testimony when I first joined. I hope you get something from it. It will show you the questions that I had myself. I wrote this letter to ''God''. I was in agony the night I wrote it.

 

http://www.ex-christian.net/topic/44259-please-forgive-me/

 

 

Margee that was so beautiful and heart wrenching. I've been exactly there. I've had those cries in the middle of the night. You've put into words the pains and prayers that I too have experienced in my walk through this religion. You express yourself so well. Thank you for sharing that. I wish everyone could read that. I'm sure so many would connect with it. Thank you ❤️

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Christy    29
13 minutes ago, LovelyChantel said:

Hello and welcome. You're not alone. Was raised in fundie non-denom and Pentecostalism from birth - 21. My story is also in this forum. Can relate except I did feel God, but I think it's really all a collective energy from the congregation. I still felt all the guilt regardless. Feel free to check out my story. You're supported and heard here. 

Thank you Lovely! I will check out your story soon. Thank you for the warm welcome. The guilt is awful and so heavy. 

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28 minutes ago, Christy said:

Thank you Lovely! I will check out your story soon. Thank you for the warm welcome. The guilt is awful and so heavy. 

Yes, it is. Mine is more fear though. Pure horror and terror. The kind that grips you and won't let go... a cold chill to the heart and mind. 

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DarkFlash    27

. .Welcome to EX-C Christy and easily is this in relation to where I came from. Pentecostalism well, the charismatic side of things now, to me, can be credited as one of the most laughable and just waking up was I able to see that and i'll tell you why. A good portion if not all of my family members on my father's side of the family sought to guide me and even convince me to their success that God was the answer and not at all the author of confusion so by far did I give up years of my life to this be it giving thousands of dollars to my church or even attending out of strong fears of going to hell like yourself which is clear that everyone knows about. My story is also here and atheism I can now consider in trade for years of idiocy is one of the best choices i've ever made. Do I feel for them? I do. .and then I don't and my reasoning as to not is because like myself have you awoken unlike many and told yourself on many levels that it was indeed time for you to go. To have wasted and still to this day years of their lives without much thought behind it is. .saddening on many levels and I now tell myself not to stress myself against the unconvinced but to instead live on my own terms yet smile and now tell myself that i'm no longer entrapped but able to get to know me without flipping pages whilst sitting from one pew to the next to study a book full of fairy tales. Yep! Though all you can do is live your life and maintain that happiness on knowing that not only have you escaped what could have literally been the end for you and your family, but also complete ignorance toward studying Christy for herself and you're talking with someone who attended church Monday through Sunday with two services on the last day of the week. They're safe from such psychological abuse given futuristically and even they can envision success without having something called, as my choice of words have now given it; falsified faith--since what good is it if many in this world have yet to be whom they are? And this is in reference to your children.

 

The gift of prophesy. To have fallen prey to that as well, as I further visit many years wasted from my family is also laughable. My father recently before I cut ties with him waited ten years for what was told and according to him was it from God when it came to finalizing things. But now I ask that. .if he loved us shouldn't these requests be of an instant happening with knowledge given that we only live once? So many questions with little time for many and lack of answers leave the deluded all the more not only wondrous? But mentally left with self-inflicting wounds. You did the right thing, to put things on very simple grounds. You're saved with your own special gift and not exactly would I call it what is painfully obvious that these type of churches would lay on the table after you've flipped about and spoke what many people will never understand. You woke the hell up unlike many in this world. Live. Be you fearlessly. And again dismiss idiocy in trade for uniqueness. The Holy Ghost. LOL. Right. Welcome!

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Geezer    2,287

Christy I am convinced it is paramount for a person leaving their faith to know why they are leaving theologically. Heaven & Hell are both fictional places created by humans as control mechanisms. Religion is all about fear, control, fictitious rewards & punishment.

 

Dr. Bart Ehrman is a great author to read. He is easy to read & his books are available on Amazon in kindle format. YouTube is a great resource too & it's free. 

 

I would recommend Ehrman, Robert M. Price,  David Fitzgerald,  Dr. Richard Carrier's YouTube videos to watch along with DM Murdock.

 

When it comes to the Bible & Religion there are two fields of study. One is what you hear in church. That is called apologetics. Stay away from that garbage. The other is called the historical/critical field of study. Those scholars are actual historians & history is where the truth resides.

 

Ehrman note, in one of his books, that the Bible has been edited, redacted, & even rewritten more times that there are even words in it. The Bible you have in your home is mostly a forgery. Like I noted previously the bible isn't true. It's a collection of myths, folklore, Legends, fables & Jewish Midrash. 

 

No heaven, no hell, no angels, no  demons or Devils, and no invisible  little old man residing up in the sky somewhere watching & listening to everything people do down here on earth. And Jesus, if he actually existed, which is doubtful, wasn't God incarnate either.

 

 

 

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Cal    1
21 minutes ago, Geezer said:

Geezer, I am rather new here. I've already commented on Christy's testimony elsewhere. Please forgive me if I address this to your comments. Perhaps we are to take this elsewhere? I did want to reply to your first comment in this thread also:

Rest assured the Bible is neither literally or historically true. You will find lots of resource material here that will be valuable in providing answers to all the many questions I'm sure you have.

 

Thank you, I'm so glad to be here. There's so much to read, I love it! I've always found difficulty in connecting the history of the world and the Bible.

 

I would question the assertion that the Bible is not historically true. Anatoly Fomenko has shown that the Old Testament history of Samuel, Kings, and Chronicles is really the history of the medieval Roman Empire. What is patently false is the official historical timeline that they tell us is true, but is actually made up. 

 

21 minutes ago, Geezer said:

Christy I am convinced it is paramount for a person leaving their faith to know why they are leaving theologically. Heaven & Hell are both fictional places created by humans as control mechanisms. Religion is all about fear, control, fictitious rewards & punishment. Agreed.

 

Dr. Bart Ehrman is a great author to read. He is easy to read & his books are available on Amazon in kindle format. YouTube is a great resource too & it's free. 

 

I would recommend Ehrman, Robert M. Price,  David Fitzgerald,  Dr. Richard Carrier's YouTube videos to watch along with DM Murdock. I am familiar with all but Fitzgerald. 

 

When it comes to the Bible & Religion there are two fields of study. One is what you hear in church. That is called apologetics. Stay away from that garbage. The other is called the historical/critical field of study. Those scholars are actual historians & history is where the truth resides.

 

Ehrman note, in one of his books, that the Bible has been edited, redacted, & even rewritten more times that there are even words in it. The Bible you have in your home is mostly a forgery. Like I noted previously the bible isn't true. It's a collection of myths, folklore, Legends, fables & Jewish Midrash. While Ehrman may be a scholar, and I agree with much of what he wrote in Forged, I don't think he is being entirely honest, but that is another conversation.

 

No heaven, no hell, no angels, no  demons or Devils, and no invisible  little old man residing up in the sky somewhere watching & listening to everything people do down here on earth. And Jesus, if he actually existed, which is doubtful, wasn't God incarnate either. Again, I agree with all of this. JC probably did not exist. Anatoly Fomenko says that he may have been Hildebrand...

 

You also mention that you have an interest in cosmology. If you would like to discuss this further, I would be most willing. As you know the Bible has a most unusual cosmology! 

 

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Christy    29
9 hours ago, DarkFlash said:

. .Welcome to EX-C Christy and easily is this in relation to where I came from. Pentecostalism well, the charismatic side of things now, to me, can be credited as one of the most laughable and just waking up was I able to see that and i'll tell you why. A good portion if not all of my family members on my father's side of the family sought to guide me and even convince me to their success that God was the answer and not at all the author of confusion so by far did I give up years of my life to this be it giving thousands of dollars to my church or even attending out of strong fears of going to hell like yourself which is clear that everyone knows about. My story is also here and atheism I can now consider in trade for years of idiocy is one of the best choices i've ever made. Do I feel for them? I do. .and then I don't and my reasoning as to not is because like myself have you awoken unlike many and told yourself on many levels that it was indeed time for you to go. To have wasted and still to this day years of their lives without much thought behind it is. .saddening on many levels and I now tell myself not to stress myself against the unconvinced but to instead live on my own terms yet smile and now tell myself that i'm no longer entrapped but able to get to know me without flipping pages whilst sitting from one pew to the next to study a book full of fairy tales. Yep! Though all you can do is live your life and maintain that happiness on knowing that not only have you escaped what could have literally been the end for you and your family, but also complete ignorance toward studying Christy for herself and you're talking with someone who attended church Monday through Sunday with two services on the last day of the week. They're safe from such psychological abuse given futuristically and even they can envision success without having something called, as my choice of words have now given it; falsified faith--since what good is it if many in this world have yet to be whom they are? And this is in reference to your children.

 

The gift of prophesy. To have fallen prey to that as well, as I further visit many years wasted from my family is also laughable. My father recently before I cut ties with him waited ten years for what was told and according to him was it from God when it came to finalizing things. But now I ask that. .if he loved us shouldn't these requests be of an instant happening with knowledge given that we only live once? So many questions with little time for many and lack of answers leave the deluded all the more not only wondrous? But mentally left with self-inflicting wounds. You did the right thing, to put things on very simple grounds. You're saved with your own special gift and not exactly would I call it what is painfully obvious that these type of churches would lay on the table after you've flipped about and spoke what many people will never understand. You woke the hell up unlike many in this world. Live. Be you fearlessly. And again dismiss idiocy in trade for uniqueness. The Holy Ghost. LOL. Right. Welcome!

Ah yes, when someone tries to convince you that God equals success when really, to those like us, he brings confusion because we are logical and will no longer walk blindly following a fairy tale. When I spoke of reading the Bible cover to cover, all it did offer was confusion. I too have been in a place of tithing and offering too much money to the pockets of my church and oddly enough, it was increased due to prophesy from a "profit" who visited my church for a short time. I was struggling to make ends meet but our church was told to tithe and offer an increased amount and God would bless us double-fold. I tried my hardest not to think too loudly that it all sounded like hogwash. I could barely pay my bills, let alone pay the bills for the newly built church. I nearly went into debt trying to keep up due to the pressure from my church and my parents (even though I was then an adult living on my own). I like you felt like if God loves us so much, why does he hold back? Why would he give millions to someone who didn't believe in him and leave his faithful followers in poverty? Thank you for your encouragement 🤗

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@Christy, welcome! I really like your profile pic avatar thingie, it reminds me of fall and pumpkin spice lattes and curling up on the couch. :)

 

As for your story, I can so relate with where you're coming from. Granted, I wasn't in a Pentecostal environment, I can't imagine that.....but I was born and raised in the church and taught to be a good little christian conservative girl. I can really only see now, in hindsight, how driven by guilt I was in my attitude towards god and in my behavior in general. I thought at the time that I could feel god (at times) or that perhaps I was misunderstanding him and would look for ways he might be communicating with me. It is only now that I can see how much I longed to hear from him and to have this "relationship" everyone was always talking about, and I just didn't. I knew all the answers....

 

Anyway, passing along @Margee's (((((HUGS)))) and looking forward to your feedback and perspective on future posts. 

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Geezer    2,287
9 hours ago, Cal said:

 

 

 

I am not a historian or a scholar. I am referencing various scholars that I've become familiar with while researching the history of both the bible & the Christian Faith for the last several years. Scholars often disagree with each other's conclusions. Robert M Price is my preferred source for information, but he is a difficult read. I trust Price scholarship more than other noted scholars. Bart Ehrman is an easy read. I don't care for him as a person but his scholarship is excellent as far as I can tell. 

 

It seems you have scholars that you prefer more than others too. That is likely true for most folks that are into this field of study. I am not qualified to debate who is right or wrong, folks have to decide that for themselves. 

 

It is possible that some stories in the Bible were based on some historical event, but the Biblocal version is more than likely fictional. When it comes to cosmology I'm a novice. Check out the science & religion forum. There are folks there that have studied science at the university level & are knowledgable about that field of study.

 

David Fitzgerald is a historian. He wrote the book Nailed 10 myths that prove Jesus never existed. I enjoyed that book. He also wrote 2 companion follow up books in that series that I read & enjoyed too. 

 

 

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Christy    29
8 hours ago, Geezer said:

Christy I am convinced it is paramount for a person leaving their faith to know why they are leaving theologically. Heaven & Hell are both fictional places created by humans as control mechanisms. Religion is all about fear, control, fictitious rewards & punishment.

 

Dr. Bart Ehrman is a great author to read. He is easy to read & his books are available on Amazon in kindle format. YouTube is a great resource too & it's free. 

 

I would recommend Ehrman, Robert M. Price,  David Fitzgerald,  Dr. Richard Carrier's YouTube videos to watch along with DM Murdock.

 

When it comes to the Bible & Religion there are two fields of study. One is what you hear in church. That is called apologetics. Stay away from that garbage. The other is called the historical/critical field of study. Those scholars are actual historians & history is where the truth resides.

 

Ehrman note, in one of his books, that the Bible has been edited, redacted, & even rewritten more times that there are even words in it. The Bible you have in your home is mostly a forgery. Like I noted previously the bible isn't true. It's a collection of myths, folklore, Legends, fables & Jewish Midrash. 

 

No heaven, no hell, no angels, no  demons or Devils, and no invisible  little old man residing up in the sky somewhere watching & listening to everything people do down here on earth. And Jesus, if he actually existed, which is doubtful, wasn't God incarnate either.

 

 

 

Thank you for those suggestions, I will follow up on them soon! Yes I too believe it is important to know why I am leaving. Now that I am free, so to speak, I am looking forward to researching all of the flaws of Christianity in order to completely tear it down in my mind. I also will need all of the knowledge that I can gather when I get ready to tell my family and friends that I am no longer a believer. I know how it goes, as a Christian, you can claim a feeling or emotional experience as the ultimate argument to all of this being real. However, as a non-believer, an experience/feeling or lack there of isn't good enough. You must logically and systematically destroy the foundations of it to argue your side. I am aware that the current version of the Bible is far from the original text but that is the extent of my knowledge on that aspect of it. One problem I have always had with hell is that in the Bible, God allows so many people to die without warning them of Hell. If his love for us is limitless, and the pain in Hell is eternal, why wouldn't he make sure that every single person born on this planet since Adam and Eve (a story I never believed due to my knowledge of how the world and universe was actually formed) knew of the danger and consequence of this awful place? There is no mention of it in the beginning of the Bible... it isn't until later that people are represented with an after life and the possibility of heaven vs hell. So this led me to several possibilities, all of which decreased my confidence in Christianity:

1. There's no heaven or hell and the authors of the Bible were influenced by other religions of the time that did believe in an afterlife (such as the Egyptians).

2. God did warn them but didn't feel it necessary to have that information put in so early so he allowed the authors to skip over that part until later. 

3. God didn't care if the earliest people's went to heaven or hell so get forgot to mention it and just threw it in there down the road without an explanation to hopefully cover his tracks. 

 

#3= Gods an ass and definitely not perfect. 

#2= Gods still an ass because we aren't promised tomorrow so shouldn't the warning be page one just in case we drop dead before the whole brimstone and gnashing of teeth parade?

#1= Seems most likely and leads to the dismantling of the whole book because there's no telling what else has been falsified and with all the similarities between the major religions of the world, that doesn't feel too far fetched. 

 

Finally, the whole idea of the Holy Trinity is so complex and contradictory on top of a pile of confusion, it'll just have to wait for another post...

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Christy    29
26 minutes ago, ag_NO_stic said:

@Christy, welcome! I really like your profile pic avatar thingie, it reminds me of fall and pumpkin spice lattes and curling up on the couch. :)

....

Anyway, passing along @Margee's (((((HUGS)))) and looking forward to your feedback and perspective on future posts. 

Thank you and you just described my morning.. pumpkin something and me on the couch! Enjoying my day off 🤓☕️📱🛋 thank you for the hugs!! I think I will find that even though we all come from different places, we all have similarities. We are the brave ones who have risen above our indoctrination to say we deserve more. I look forward to future conversations with you as well. 🤗

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Tsathoggua9    114

Hey, it is great to have you aboard. Thanks for sharing your story.

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DarkFlash    27

See, when I gave was I, like you not only struggling but also in states of guilt and fears that should I have missed a week that hell was destined for me. I'd quickly ask my father after missing a week what I should do so the Lord didn't eye me as one of those that won't make it and each time was I told to double up on what couldn't be given the previous week which, on countless occasions did I do so. Also like you was it extremely costly when it came to my pockets but because of how entranced I was did I just give recklessly and often beyond my ten percent just eyeing the usual on my spiritual location once either he came back or my end once it was time for me to go at random. Alongside my recklessness however, I do recall telling everyone during Sunday school one day that I believed in God doing so much for me that i've obsessed over giving my hundreds to thousands with the utmost of confidence that i'm destined to join him with ease in heaven and to lack of surprise did they smile. While doing so was I losing opportunities to hang out with friends, spend on myself be it hobbies or much more, and even assist with my mother with paying rent on our home. She warned me on many occasions that I was spending my money since, well? She married my father at one point and knew that side of the family whereas to my ignorance did I constantly oppose her knowledge of them such as telling her that because it was me they'd never do such things or they love me too much along with many others to take from me, clearly. But the more she and I verbally warred against each other. .did I start to make sense. When you give, as a means of thanks are you supposed to receive a certain amount as an additive once you've gotten your tax return the next year. .and that never happened with me. For your own parents to finally open your eyeto so much can seriously, with some, either leave trauma because of those years given or a means of benefit in self-realization that you can certainly move on without. So I told myself that I'd rather have lost thousands of dollars to a building made for ninja training than sacrifice not only my life? But strong interests in this world we live in. We couldn't see films because of this belief that there were devils throughout every movie theater. Tattoos weren't of God. As a means of punishment was it either the belt or writing bible scriptures. From the time us children awoke until about five or six were we fasting. Again, the ridiculousness. The benefit also with your children is that they'll be forever able to be themselves. <3

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MOHO    591

Welcome aboard from the Unequally Yoked club, @Christy !

 

Thank you for sharing your story. It so reflects what so many here have experienced. I myself dove into the bible in an attempt to qualm my doubts but wound up disbelieving based on what I read. Also reading sections of the books that @Geezer recommends as well as excerpts from Leaving the Fold on Jorneyfree.org assisted in my deconversion and in putting my mind at ease regarding the fears and guilt that you mentioned.

 

You are so fortunate to have your spouse and best friend along for the journey.

    - MOHO (Mind Of His Own)

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2 hours ago, Christy said:

Thank you for those suggestions, I will follow up on them soon! Yes I too believe it is important to know why I am leaving. Now that I am free, so to speak, I am looking forward to researching all of the flaws of Christianity in order to completely tear it down in my mind. I also will need all of the knowledge that I can gather when I get ready to tell my family and friends that I am no longer a believer. I know how it goes, as a Christian, you can claim a feeling or emotional experience as the ultimate argument to all of this being real. However, as a non-believer, an experience/feeling or lack there of isn't good enough. You must logically and systematically destroy the foundations of it to argue your side. I am aware that the current version of the Bible is far from the original text but that is the extent of my knowledge on that aspect of it. One problem I have always had with hell is that in the Bible, God allows so many people to die without warning them of Hell. If his love for us is limitless, and the pain in Hell is eternal, why wouldn't he make sure that every single person born on this planet since Adam and Eve (a story I never believed due to my knowledge of how the world and universe was actually formed) knew of the danger and consequence of this awful place? There is no mention of it in the beginning of the Bible... it isn't until later that people are represented with an after life and the possibility of heaven vs hell. So this led me to several possibilities, all of which decreased my confidence in Christianity:

1. There's no heaven or hell and the authors of the Bible were influenced by other religions of the time that did believe in an afterlife (such as the Egyptians).

2. God did warn them but didn't feel it necessary to have that information put in so early so he allowed the authors to skip over that part until later. 

3. God didn't care if the earliest people's went to heaven or hell so get forgot to mention it and just threw it in there down the road without an explanation to hopefully cover his tracks. 

 

#3= Gods an ass and definitely not perfect. 

#2= Gods still an ass because we aren't promised tomorrow so shouldn't the warning be page one just in case we drop dead before the whole brimstone and gnashing of teeth parade?

#1= Seems most likely and leads to the dismantling of the whole book because there's no telling what else has been falsified and with all the similarities between the major religions of the world, that doesn't feel too far fetched. 

 

Finally, the whole idea of the Holy Trinity is so complex and contradictory on top of a pile of confusion, it'll just have to wait for another post...

 

You can start with telling people who want to evangelize or argue with you that you don't believe in sin and you reject that you even need to be saved in the first place. When they ask why, you can say if Adam and Eve actually happened as described in the Bible, then how were they supposed to know that God wasn't evil if they didn't have that knowledge yet. You can talk all about how the history of the bible is flawed, it's not faith if it actively goes against scientific discovery, and also fuck them lol. You can point out, as a parent, that you'd never deliberately set your children up to fail your standards and that you could never even conceive of creating a hell for people to go to at all. 

 

They shut up pretty quick when they can't use "sin" as an argument. They'll try again and you just go...."No. Morality is a social construct."

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God    53
2 hours ago, Christy said:

Thank you for those suggestions, I will follow up on them soon! Yes I too believe it is important to know why I am leaving. Now that I am free, so to speak, I am looking forward to researching all of the flaws of Christianity in order to completely tear it down in my mind. I also will need all of the knowledge that I can gather when I get ready to tell my family and friends that I am no longer a believer. I know how it goes, as a Christian, you can claim a feeling or emotional experience as the ultimate argument to all of this being real. However, as a non-believer, an experience/feeling or lack there of isn't good enough. You must logically and systematically destroy the foundations of it to argue your side. I am aware that the current version of the Bible is far from the original text but that is the extent of my knowledge on that aspect of it. One problem I have always had with hell is that in the Bible, God allows so many people to die without warning them of Hell. If his love for us is limitless, and the pain in Hell is eternal, why wouldn't he make sure that every single person born on this planet since Adam and Eve (a story I never believed due to my knowledge of how the world and universe was actually formed) knew of the danger and consequence of this awful place? There is no mention of it in the beginning of the Bible... it isn't until later that people are represented with an after life and the possibility of heaven vs hell. So this led me to several possibilities, all of which decreased my confidence in Christianity:

1. There's no heaven or hell and the authors of the Bible were influenced by other religions of the time that did believe in an afterlife (such as the Egyptians).

2. God did warn them but didn't feel it necessary to have that information put in so early so he allowed the authors to skip over that part until later. 

3. God didn't care if the earliest people's went to heaven or hell so get forgot to mention it and just threw it in there down the road without an explanation to hopefully cover his tracks. 

 

#3= Gods an ass and definitely not perfect. 

#2= Gods still an ass because we aren't promised tomorrow so shouldn't the warning be page one just in case we drop dead before the whole brimstone and gnashing of teeth parade?

#1= Seems most likely and leads to the dismantling of the whole book because there's no telling what else has been falsified and with all the similarities between the major religions of the world, that doesn't feel too far fetched. 

 

Finally, the whole idea of the Holy Trinity is so complex and contradictory on top of a pile of confusion, it'll just have to wait for another post...

 

I am most definitely an ass. 

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