Faeryn

Transferral of "Religious Ecstasy" From God To Romantic Partner?!

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I need to clarify that I don't know for certain what "religious ecstasy"  really is for everyone, or how much the experience varies from person to person. I need to also note that I never actually experienced religious ecstasy for god - but I did witness a lot of it, and get a clear picture of what other people felt like, and how I felt pressured to experience it too.

 

I have long suspected that I project this feeling onto romantic partners, because I didn't experience it with god, and I was shunned from any kind of loving affection too from my parents. 

 

The feeling of love is so overwhelmingly strong to me, that I feel like I'm on an extremely hard drug. People, and even scientists, have compared the feeling of falling in love to what it's like to be on cocaine in terms of its strength. I know what cocaine is like, and my experience of falling in love is many, many, many times stronger and more intense. Even partners of mine themselves have told me that it's like the experience for me is extremely intense and drug-like. I have yet to be with someone who experiences it as strongly as me. This makes me miserable and very lost. 

 

There are many parallels between how I feel for my partner, to how I "should" have felt, (and doubtless, how many people actually do) for god. I was deprived from love and affection from my parents, and so to then also feel rejected by god contributed to the "exalted" pedestal upon which I put my romantic partners. Words like "Heaven", "Heavenly", "Worship", "Lord", "Surrender", "Eternal", and the like, pop up A LOT in my romantic fantasies where I let myself experience the emotion of ecstasy for my partner (even though I don't show it, because - who reciprocates this?! I feel like a complete freak).

 

It's like my partner becomes a god to me, and it's my partner I want to direct all of the love I had for god or my parents (all which went unappreciated) toward my partner. I think the intensity of the feelings of my love is made stronger by the fact that I felt that my parents didn't want to show me any affection, god himself didn't love me, (a big knock to my self-esteem when I was growing), and so for someone to claim that they do love me, and show me that they love me, induces in me a kind of euphoric reaction whereby I end up wanting to literally worship them like they're a god. 

 

I'm so curious as to if anyone else has a similar thing? 

 

 

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I have not experienced anything like that, but religion is all about emotion so I can see what you're talking about. When I think about extreme displays of emotion in religion I connect that with the Pentecostal faith. I've seen video of their services. Screaming, rolling around on the floor, fainting, and speaking in tongues is an example of extreme emotional indoctrination. 

 

I think you're talking about something other than that, but that kind of emotion is what comes to my mind when I think of extreme displays of emotion. When it comes to romance some people are very romantic and affectionate, while others are not. If two outwardly romantic and affectionate people fall in love I imagine the sparks fly and their relationship is very sensual and loving. I have a hard time finding anything bad about being with a romantic and affectionate person. I think having sex without the romance and affection would almost be like a business arrangement. 

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Yes, very comparable feelings, but maybe not quite as intense. 

 

I have to reach back in time quite a few years to remember, but I know that the feeling of romantic "love" is so overblown that destroys my intellect and makes me a different person.  Not a good person, either.  It was not really quite a "worship" thing, but I lose all balance and sense of proportion, become subservient, and any ability to use good judgement when it comes to that person- or see the person as they are in reality- just flies out the window.

 

 

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Thank you all so much for your responses so far! It's helping so much being on this forum. I wish I knew how to "react" to your posts and like them, but I think maybe that feature is not available to me yet, so I want to thank you all here! 

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23 hours ago, Faeryn said:

Thank you all so much for your responses so far! It's helping so much being on this forum. I wish I knew how to "react" to your posts and like them, but I think maybe that feature is not available to me yet, so I want to thank you all here! 

 

Heads up, you need to get to 25 posts or so. Keep posting, you'll be considered a regular member and will get to react to posts. Then you'll have a limit, like 10 likes or so.

 

As for your feelings, I can identify with some of it, but maybe not as strongly. I would be curious to see if ex-christians report this transference in general. I don't know that I would describe it as a drug, but I certainly can be overwhelmed by my emotions for other people at times. I feel it most when I'm humbled by something my husband does for me, as opposed to just on a day to day basis. Like if we have had a really good week, no fighting or anything, and he is continuing to do sweet things for me I have a very emotional response to his kindness. I'm so used to this "I don't deserve it" mentality; I had a lot more shame associated with god growing up, just guilt for my constant sinful thoughts/actions. My parents' love came across very conditional (they would say the loved me unconditionally, like god, but it didn't feel like that at ALL) and I felt love when I was behaving. So I tend to feel shame with my husband as well based on my actions. How interesting that you identify with a "worshipful" emotion.

 

The forum has helped me a lot too! (hugs)

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