Goodbye Jesus
2015 was an interesting year, chalked full of rich lessons, memories, and life changing moments for me. I am pretty surprised at the large amount of things happening in the short time span of 1 year. This is definitely not a year I will forget.
One main thing I learned was putting self-care as my top priority. I tend to worry what others think or I lean towards people pleasing, due to my past conditioning. But this year especially...I have truly learned the value of caring for myself. I fell
I'm unsure of where to begin. My heart is torn into pieces, even though I'm the one who left him. I did everything I could to help him. Before we broke up, I was a caregiver for a codependent leech who lacks the ability to care for himself. By becoming a living sacrifice for him, I kept hurting myself, my needs and wants uncared for, brushed to the side. And when I left him, he took all of my help, all of my care, everything I did for him, and spit it all back in my face like it didn't matter.
When I was a Christian, I:
Constantly felt guilty for the "sinful" things I kept doing, such as pre-martial sex, drinking, masturbation, etc.
Kept asking God to take away my desire to "sin" and to live in the "spirit", not the "flesh"
Distanced myself from non-believing friends and prayed for them to come to the Lord. Tried to not participate in dirty/vulgar language and jokes
Did not watch certain shows or listen to certain music or read certain literature because it went against the Bib
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just thoughts, poetry, rants, bunch of shit to read if you're interested.
