There is a 5 mile run nearby at the end of July, and I think I'm going to try to do it. It's hard to even type the words because running is difficult for me to do and I'm half afraid to commit to it. I love to work out, but it's the weights that keep me going, not the cardio.

A big part of the reason why I want to do it is because the boss I had a few years ago told me that if I didn't like to run I would never do it. It irked me a bit that he thought he could tell me how I am.

The first time I forced myself to run a measly mile as an adult, I was at the near-puking stage. Maybe I'm a baby deep inside and won't admit it. I don't like the thought of running until I hurl, and I haven't pushed myself to that point since then.

Last year, I ran for an hour in the park without feeling tired. But then, I was 5 days into entertaining the great-niece and nephew of the owners of the farm and, being exhausted from their constant presence, Q&A sessions, and requests to take them 4-wheeling or horsebackriding, I had to get away to decompress. Must have had an hour's worth of steam built up.

Another thing that is driving me is knowing that a 5 mile run is nothing to most runners. I would be lucky to just finish. I'm afraid being brave enough to simply participate is a new but potentially recurring theme as I "grow up". When I was a kid, nearly everything I did came naturally to me. There was no struggle to be good at anything, I just was. I think I might have to learn how to try.