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Internal Struggles With The Eternal




I have been struggling with a lot of things lately.

  • My mother's declining health
  • My drinking problem
  • My health problems
  • My oldest sister's morbid depression and committal to an institution
  • My grandmother moving to another state to live with relatives that I don't trust
  • Extra shifts and responsibility at work
  • The loss of two longtime important friendships back to back last month
  • Issues with my girlfriend who is currently living 2ish hours away while attending a master's program

Suffice to say, life has been pretty shitty mcshadyface in the past month or so. I've been doing a lot of thinking. I need to make some changes in my life. Big 'uns.


What all will that entail? Not 100% yet.


I have stopped drinking. 4 days with no booze. Go meh!


I have also vowed to start exercising regularly and to watch my diet more closely.


But I am staring down the barrel of God's gun, so to say.


I find myself thinking more about God, souls, destiny and other deep shit. There are questions I can't answer and I am ok with not knowing. I don't need all of the answers anymore, don't want to lose the mystery. I have unfulfilled longings for something beyond my shitty existence.


I'm ending this here tonight. Will follow up later or next week.



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Hang in there 7. You have many remarkable qualities. You inspire and motivate other people (myself included). I believe you have the insight and resources within you to sort these things out. Keep writing. I'll keep reading. Please stay encouraged. I'll comment again when I can.

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