I have been struggling with a lot of things lately.
- My mother's declining health
- My drinking problem
- My health problems
- My oldest sister's morbid depression and committal to an institution
- My grandmother moving to another state to live with relatives that I don't trust
- Extra shifts and responsibility at work
- The loss of two longtime important friendships back to back last month
- Issues with my girlfriend who is currently living 2ish hours away while attending a master's program
Suffice to say, life has been pretty shitty mcshadyface in the past month or so. I've been doing a lot of thinking. I need to make some changes in my life. Big 'uns.
What all will that entail? Not 100% yet.
I have stopped drinking. 4 days with no booze. Go meh!
I have also vowed to start exercising regularly and to watch my diet more closely.
But I am staring down the barrel of God's gun, so to say.
I find myself thinking more about God, souls, destiny and other deep shit. There are questions I can't answer and I am ok with not knowing. I don't need all of the answers anymore, don't want to lose the mystery. I have unfulfilled longings for something beyond my shitty existence.
I'm ending this here tonight. Will follow up later or next week.