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The Struggle Of Moving Forward

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Travi

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Many call me the fool for my inability, or maybe even refusal, to move forward in life from a very traumatizing situation that followed me pouring my being into helping someone I felt like I could love. Watching all of the answers I wanted finally come together, and I'm yet still left with asking where I messed up. While that same many have told me it was nothing I did, it takes two to tango and somewhere along the lines I couldn't connect the dots. Or maybe I didn't want to, blinding myself to reality that all along, I was nothing more than a puppet being played and used for the ends of a woman who I thought needed the help, and she did not turn down.

 

I essentially went from having everything a man could want, to not even having what he needed in terms of emotional support. I've really had to work hard at suppressing my thoughts and emotions to avoid anymore situation where I felt like I could fall into the trap of letting my guard again and wind up in a situation where I am now: Having put in blood, sweat, and tears toward helping someone build a new life for themselves, hoping to be included in those plans of it - only to watch as someone else reaps the rewards of your labor. It's rather sickening, and also infuriating at the amount of indifference held on the part of the person I tried to help. Is there no such thing as appreciation anymore?

 

Her and I split on February 27th. That following weekend, she took a trip to Florida with "a friend". For all of her talk of wanting to spend time with her boys, and get things settled on her legal front - she found time to make a trip to, of all places, Florida. With "a friend." I had just finished making the repairs to her truck, having sold a few personal items to help purchase the parts needed for such. Bought her a necklace, dinner, and tickets to a Garth Brooks concert for Valentine's Day. All of this had happened just weeks prior - then the split. It's just like I tried too hard, and that is why I am so hesitant to get into any sort of new relationship. However, with my problems of being demisexual (at least based on research and considering my own habits), casual sex is not a possibility for me. This creates quite the conundrum when it comes to sating the desires of being human, mainly due to the fact that my depression, along with the possible demisexual tendencies make it near impossible to enjoy sex with anyone other than people I have formed some sort of bond with.

 

I can only hope that her new guy is enjoying the drama free her.

 

At least someone gets to I suppose.

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Awh Travi. I'm sorry to hear what you've been through. I cannot offer much advice, except to say that you are not a fool. Only you truly understand your position, and only you can decide how and when it is the right time to move forward. 

 

I don't mean to sound generic, but I wish you all the best in working through your situation. You come across as a genuine and compassionate individual even though you have been dealt an unfair hand, and for that, I admire you. All the best  ♥ 

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People like her actually don't change. You might be interested in researching narcissistic personality disorder. These types of people just change partners. It may seem that she is drama free, but trust me...people who use others, just don't magically stop one day. You should not allow yourself to know anything going on in her life, go no contact. By no contact, this means do not ask others about her, do not allow others to talk to you about her, and do not lurk on her facebook or any other social media. This is to bring healing to yourself. You haven't healed from this yet, but when you do...you will see the forest through the trees. 

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Awh Travi. I'm sorry to hear what you've been through. I cannot offer much advice, except to say that you are not a fool. Only you truly understand your position, and only you can decide how and when it is the right time to move forward. 

 

I don't mean to sound generic, but I wish you all the best in working through your situation. You come across as a genuine and compassionate individual even though you have been dealt an unfair hand, and for that, I admire you. All the best  ♥ 

Thanks. There isn't much in the way of advice to be given, I'm mainly trying to sort through the muddle in my head and get some clear position on my path in life.

 

Compassion and empathy are my two greatest strengths, but they often are turned against me. But I take the stance of, maybe - just maybe, I can make someone else's life better to help counteract what I put up with. If I can make even one person's day better, then my job is done.

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People like her actually don't change. You might be interested in researching narcissistic personality disorder. These types of people just change partners. It may seem that she is drama free, but trust me...people who use others, just don't magically stop one day. You should not allow yourself to know anything going on in her life, go no contact. By no contact, this means do not ask others about her, do not allow others to talk to you about her, and do not lurk on her facebook or any other social media. This is to bring healing to yourself. You haven't healed from this yet, but when you do...you will see the forest through the trees. 

I've severed all contact, and told the people who were relaying updates (even though I didn't want them) to not worry about it. One of these days, all will be right again.

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People that relay 'updates' are not your friends. Truth. That's a tough truth, but if you told them not to tell you and they did...sever those ties too, in my opinion. I had to end friendships because they weren't friends...they liked drama, and I imagine they are living off someone else's misery since I stopped talking with them. Break ups are hard, because sometimes you have to break up with more than just the person. lol Hope things get better. This too shall pass, as they say.

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People that relay 'updates' are not your friends. Truth. That's a tough truth, but if you told them not to tell you and they did...sever those ties too, in my opinion. I had to end friendships because they weren't friends...they liked drama, and I imagine they are living off someone else's misery since I stopped talking with them. Break ups are hard, because sometimes you have to break up with more than just the person. lol Hope things get better. This too shall pass, as they say.

Hell, I'm running out of people to sever contact with, lol. But yeah, as time goes on.

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