Anyone play Battlefield 2? It's a fun online shooter game set in the modern day battlefield. I've been playing like crazy. So much that I've been having flashbacks.

In the game you play as either USA, China or the Middle Eastern Coalition. It's pretty damn fun. You can fly fighter jets, and helicopters, and also drive tanks, jeeps and APCs. One can be a sniper, anti-tank, assault, special forces, medic, engineer or heavy weapons soldier. I tend to use any of the above depending on my mood and the situation though.

The game is insane. Seems to really convey a realistic battlefield experience, with bombs and artillary falling all around. Can get very scary and exciting. It is a hard game to master too. You dont last long before getting shot or blown up.

So I've been playing that game lately. I should spend more time with the family though. I also have to look for a new job that I could transfer easily out of state. I was thinking maybe Walmart or Home Depot. But I would like to find a job closer nearby where I wouldnt have to drive too.

As far as my spirituality goes, I havent been getting too much into anything. But it still does bother me for some reason. I can't put my finger on why exactly. Maybe I miss the craziness of christianity, the search for meaning, having set morals and goals the groupyness. Who knows.

I read a bit of Tolstoy's "The Kingdom of God is Inside You" book. Good stuff. He laments how christians have forsaken the whole "non-resistance to evil" belief. Basically if a burglar steals you stuff you should let the guy have your property, instead of plugging full of bullets. No having third parties (government) protect you, or inforce force for you too. Something like that. I havent read the whole thing yet though and find it hard to explain it all now anyway. But I do like his theory, though it's probably impracticle now. He wrote it before all the World Wars started, wars that were fought "to stop evil" by force. Had no one resisted Hitler by force we'd all be Nazi's I suppose. Or maybe not.

I bought the book a while back because I was having a nagging little saying in my head, plus Tolstoy's work is one of Christian anarchism books. About the saying in my head, its really just a thought I get, like a song you cant get out of you're head. Anyway I hear "The Kingdom of God is inside you". It's in the bible (forgot where), also in the Gospel of Thomas . Jesus' view is that the kingdom of god is inside you, not some physical city, land or church building. This of course contradicts most of christianity's actions after his death. I think I get it in my head because it's like a catchy tune, it sounds good. I suppose christians would say "it's the holy spirit talking to you". Whatever it is I fail to see any deeper meaning in it. But it nags me daily nonetheless. Maybe I'll figure it out someday.