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Nihil's Blog

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Never a christian?




I was never a xian. Techniacally, I was. But, nothing of that former life, or former self remains. The fact I was a xian has ceased to be a factor in who I am now.


I got into the christ cult in a summer camp. They were really sneaky about it, too. I wonder if my parentws even knew what kind of camp it was. I should've known something was up when I noticed most of the kids at the camp were complete assholes.


I stuck with it, until around my early/mid teens. I started to take a closer look at the world, and started to become the cynical bastard I am now. God fell by the wayside, along with Santa, and thinking pro wrestling is real.


After that, I started to dabble in the occult and paganism. I was interested in the former because I've always been fascinated by secrets and mysteries. And magic. Whenever I play any fantasy rpg, I'm always a mage. wicked.gif With the latter, I think it was simply the people. Pagans are interesting people. Well, the ones I know are, anyway.


But in my dabblings and seekings, I never found anything which really.... I'm not sure how to say it. No construct of belief could resist the hammer of my cynical doubt. So I sort of fell out of the neopagan/wiccan/saladbar religion, like I did with xianity. I still kept the friends, though. I find them much more tolerable than any xian friends I had.


So where am I now? I believe in little, but I accept the possibility of much. I've seen some odd things, which keeps my mind open, but I believe nothing without some kind of evidence. I believe in truth. And I am rational, but not completely rational. Because the world I live in isn't completely rational. I know nature/the universe is completely rational, but the world we humans have made for ourselves isn't.



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