Written for Death in the Family?
I'm reading the opening post again. Mick said:
But later I'm thinking, "hey, I'M not dead"? and "Hey, I'm still here, alive. It's still me. I just can't believe in the same invisible, unprovable stuff you do anymore." or the moral attrocity of it all. Weird, I'm dead now
My guess is you're feeling more alive now than you ever have. Keep your eyes on that no matter how thick the persecution. Don't "throw your pearls" to the "swine." And don't "give your treasures" to the "dogs." The xians see you as dead. Be dead to them if that is what they want. You know, and we know, that you are ALIVE.
Celebrate LIFE with those who love and respect you AS YOU ARE and for WHO you are. Mick, it's worth the cost of being true to yourself. There is no one else with whom you have to live 24/7 so intimately as you do with your Self. Make sure that Self is well loved, nurtured, and cared for.
A healthy Self meets all the requirements for heaven and any other religious establishment anywhere, i.e. it allows you to forget about Pascal's Wager because you qualify. It also makes you fully and truly human so that you are fit to walk the earth as a full-fledged human being wherever you are. A healthy, well loved and carefully nurtured Self enables you to enjoy life the way only humans can.
Happiness is not material luxury and social status. It is being at peace with one's Self. Just stay away from those people who decide your value and your right to exist based on what you think happens when you die.
They are toxic. They will never accept and respect you for who you are as you are. They grovel in the dirt and think it pleases some invisible friend. Let them. They have proven that they will never accept anything you can offer. They said you are dead, invisible, not there. Nobody. Nothing.
Find and enjoy real flesh and blood friends who value you AS YOU ARE. Give those people the gift of who you are. This is how I cope. Former friends and family have become dead to me. Maybe there will be a resurrection, maybe not. What matters is who I am and how I feel about myself as a person. I think that is what matters for everyone.
Some people, esp. xians, reject the idea because they imagine it corrupts a person with boastfulness and egotism and self-centeredness. They are hopelessly wrong. I've been there done that. I know. A loved and nurtured self does not feel the need for self-promotion. A happy person does not feel driven to prove they are good enough. They just know they are. There's more important things in life. As the say: