Originally posted here.
It's great to get out, it truly is. Born-again atheist. That sounnds like me. Only it took some years to figure out that atheist fit me. CONFUSED is what I was. But when I committed to find my own happiness at whatever it may cost--that is when I was "born again." It was an experience I did not know could happen. The only framework by which I could explain it was with the Christian "born-again" language. Yet in my mind I was turning my back on all I was taught to hold holy.
Broken records. Scratched CDs. Where I come from (horse and buggy Mennonite) one was as unheard of as the other. I was taught by my pious mother and aunts that we humans are so utterly helplessly depraved that of our own selves we cannot so much as think one good thought. Never ever could I buy that. My very hope to keep on breathing from day to day depended on being able to find some inspiration in the beauties of nature and it never ever seemed to come from outside of me. I could praise God for the beauties of nature but not for allowing me to feel the joy and inspiration. Why? Because I was chronically depressed and didn't know it.
I think that on an unconscious level I knew that depending on God to feel happy and inspired (for one good thought as my mother and her sisters said) was writing off my life. It was a place I could not--would not--go. Finally I decided to break with tradition, cost what it may, and commit myself to make my Self happy. That's when I had my new birth. Today I am an atheist. So I guess that makes me a born-again atheist.