Christmas Eve, 2010. I was standing amongst the congregation of my Lutheran Church – after all I had agreed with myself in advance that I wasn’t going for the religious side of it, I was going simply because I appreciate tradition. As I stood there, I began to wonder: Why go through all these motions? Why do all this ceremony – singing, bible reading, sermons – and for what? The whole religion seems so artificial to me now, sorta like waking up on a movie stage and finding everything you believed to be real for so long is nothing more than a prop, a backdrop, or a story written by someone else. Well it’s about time I authored my own religious life.
So I left. And I have no desire to go back. Ever.
No, I’m not an atheist, or even an agnostic. I am an Odinist. Though I have been following Odin and the Norse gods for about 3 years, give or take – I have always been at least partially involved with Christianity one way or another.
Odin is my patron God. He chose me. I took his mark, I had it tattooed permanently onto my body after a ritual dedicating it to him. But even then, I was still involved with Christianity, unable to go down one path. Following one road but still unable to surrender the other.
Now, I am giving up what feels fake, artificial, superfluous, and counterfeit. After four years, I can finally say I am walking away from my childhood religion. I am going to give my Patron 100% now. I am going to give the Gods 100%. And the Gods will no longer be able to dislike the fact that I (was) still involved with Christianity.
From monotheism to polytheism. From Christ to Odin. From the cross to the tree. Odin’s sacrifice to get wisdom by hanging nine nights on the tree means more to me than any skinny Galilean hanging on a cross. Odin sacrificed himself to himself a thousand years before Christ did pretty much the same thing. While Odin did it for the wisdom of the Runes, Christ did it to save humanity from their sins.
While I’m not wondering WHY I’m leaving Christianity, I’m wondering WHY it took so long to come to the conclusion that the entire religion is just a bunch of props, backdrops, stuntmen and storylines. I know, while I wrestled with this for the last three years, Odin stood just outside the door. He never left, he waited for me patiently all this time, and has always welcomed me with open arms.
My blood called me out of that alien religion. My blood shall continue to lead me in the right direction. My next step is to find like minded souls – a Kindred. So far, however, I have been unable to find anything up here in my neck of the woods.