I am not sure where to begin. I decided to completely erase my blog a while ago because I just thought it sounded dumb.
Really, I wish I could figure out how to change the title of it. I don't know if I really want to discuss "my journey to Buddhism". I am not sure it would interest many people on this site and it is as much an aesthetic reason as a philosophical one, but since this site is about religion...
I am formally Buddhist since January, 2008, when I participated in a ritual called "taking refuge" before two Tibetan lamas (one of whom has since passed away). They cut off a small piece of my hair and did a lot of chanting in Tibetan over me! At one point, one of them snapped his fingers and that was it. Then I was given a new name.
Before that I had done a few sessions of Zen, but decided that was not the route I wanted to go.
Sometimes I still wonder why I did it and would I do it again? I suppose the answer is yes.
Tibetan Buddhism is very beautiful. The shrine room is fantastic. I need some inspiration in life - something to make me feel like something is beyond this mundane grind of the routine or that there is another way of seeing the grind that will transcend it.
I love the feeling of being blessed. To get an affirmation that you are not only OK and nothing is wrong with you, but to be BLESSED is somehow very great to me. It is rare. Out in nature, if you are observing something very beautiful, you might get that feeling, but it is preeminently part of religion. That is what the lama does.
Maybe, if I had a loving husband, I would get that sort of feeling, I don't know. To feel special and sacred just for existing.
Yes, I know, the guru trap. I struggle with it . I have not formally requested to be a student, but really I am, because I have immersed myself in the teachings and the ceremonies. I haven't heard anything yet to put me off. I haven't seen or heard offensive things like I did in the church. I haven't seen where the lama didn't take the teachings seriously, the way the Episcopal priest did. The fakery present in Christianity - the refusal of most Christians to see the implications of what they believe, much less actually believe it, put me off. Then of course, it became unbelievable.
Taming the mind and becoming more compassionate and peaceful with yourself, and therefore the world is the core of Buddhist practice. I simply haven't got any big problems with that. Therefore, I remain.