This blog title actually comes from the Quran funnily enough. I cannot help but be drawn to religion, not in the sense of converting to a religion but it's just a topic that fascinates me and to an extant, is holding me captive. I want to know everything there is to know about various religious beliefs and philosophies, I want to know more about man and his origins and genetic make up, I want to know where we go after we die and I want to know what is right and what is wrong in the whole scheme of things but the answer is unfortunately unreachable. I really wish I was like other people who can just push the whole topic aside and not think about it too much. For it to just be a interesting topic but no more so than anything else. I wish it didn't consume my thoughts day in and day out but it does and it doesn't stop, it doesn't relinquish, it won't let me go.

I live a life of tunnel vision, just focused on one particular topic and that really blows sometimes. I really wish that this topic didn't burden me. As I was thinking about all this, it made me think of some of the ex-cs here married to fundies and how that must be a continually process of stepping on eggshells and how some need to live a double life to keep everything together. It then dawned on me that someone I know might be a closet unbeliever. I know someone who was in the ministry and had a fall out due to some "sexual sins" and then "backslided" for a period of several years. When his wife had enough of his "bad influence" on the kids, she gave him an ultimatum, get your shit together or we're having a divorce. He then "miracously" got back on fire for God and has now worked his way up the ranks to one of the 3 elders at my former church. There are a few things that always rang alarm bells for me with some more recent information it all is starting to fall in place. How very sad.

Anyways, take care everyone!