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In My 6Th Month Of Deconversion

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NEWsong

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blog-0979377001330977672.jpgMy mom passed Sept 16th. This just happens to be the same day as a junior high schoolmates birthday, one I have celebrated for many years now, we just got back in touch on Facebook a few months before. Unlike my friend who I had lost contact with for many years, I had either seen my mom or spoken to her every day for the past 30 years. While she was diagnosed with cancer, moved to a facility and then shortly after that, moved to an hospice, this enabled me to break the habit of calling everyday. Her death was a blow to me. She was really "gone". I faced it head on and that is when realized that I was "no longer a christian". I was grievously aware of the void of spiritual talk and banter with others and I scrutinized every unction toward prayer. I felt alone. Really alone. I couldn't talk about this with either my brother or sister or dad. I removed myself from them and even found it difficult to make the courtesy calls to family and friends of her passing.

 

Even though there is a void of sorts by the lack of the christian lifestyle, I know that I have adapted to losing her, adjusting through my deconversion and progressing in my new life. It's amazing how much progress we can make personally when we have just a few thoughtful supportive and respectful "friends" around us at times like these. I think of the forums and here at Exchristian.net where I have felt acceptance that enabled me to work through the issues rather than deny them as I did when I was a christian.

 

Loss really affects our lives. I will never be the same. Even though my mom died at the age of 87, we had all expected her to live well into her nineties. I just wasn't ready to let her go but I had to do it anyway.

 

BTW; isn't she beautiful...

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I'm really sorry for your loss, NEWsong. I had tears in my eyes as I read your post. Makes me grateful I still have my mom with me, even if she is a little nuts. ;)

 

Thanks for sharing this. I've often wondered how I'll handle it when I lose someone close to me, now that I'm not a believer. I know I'll get through it but it really helps to read this and know that as unbelievers we do have the strength to walk through this kind of loss.

 

And I agree, your mom was one beautiful lady.

 

Hugs to you,

2H

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Thanks Zephie...she was beautiful on the inside too... Thanks 2Honest; I handled it "better" as a nonbeliever than as I think I would have as a "believer". I think the expectations of ourselves and others CHANGE when we are no longer clinging to "truths" to support us. We realize that we must deal with loss honestly. It hurts so much more than I ever imagined losing an elderly parent. I do feel strong but hurt and you will have the strength when the time comes because you are not relying upon "fake truths" to "get you through this". I think mourning is more honest now...Everyone loved my mom, she was beautiful in so many ways...thanks for the HUGS...

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