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Real Life (Bit Of A Vent But All True)

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NEWsong

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blog-0583772001358877657.jpgWow, do I have a story for you!!! (Long but concise and relevant to deconversion from christianity; a tragic but true love story in brief )

 

A story of a young man and woman; first loves at college but 3 years into the passionate bond she becomes a christian and within 4 months TO THE DAY, they separate. She thought that she would NEVER see him again; he has been controlling and impulsive, passionate but EXTREME, highly intelligent but emotionally unstable...she had to MOVE ON and find a "nice christian boy"...

 

She married TWO of them. The first one was a porn addict and a bit obsessive compulsive, lazy but posed no threat to body or soul. The second, brings with him a daughter and gives her a wonderful son. He is OCD and Narcissistic to the point of not only controlling her life but sabotaging her relationship with her step daughter, trying to get her fired from her employment of 22 years, sponging off of her while she works, pays the medical premiums and provides for his daughter. Well, she divorces them both, obviously and moves out from her son's father's home to establish their own home, like neither she or he had ever had.

 

She and her son are living happily; fully supported by her and receiving NO assistance of child support, etc from her son's father. She finds herself and her talents; continues with her love of music and singing. She has found community in church and music that fulfills and challenges her socially and musically.

 

She works at healing from neglect from her Narcissistic father and OCD/Narc 2nd husband and rejection by his daughter.

 

She begins to learn to dream again...she thinks of her "first love". Of course, he must have JUST been immature (she had become a christian and he hadn't; maybe he has had a change of heart and mind) and she LONGS to see him. She finds that not only is he divorced; for the second time, just like her but that his mother had passed away; seemingly recently. With sincere desire to see him and urgency to not lose him forever, she contacts him and they reunite...seeing each other for the first time in over 25 years. The reunion sets off fireworks. It was REAL...true love really does exist...they agree upon marriage right away and upon relocation where she gives away her furniture and takes on the necessary items with her, she moves and takes her son with her. Her AND his dream has come true. They are so happy and say that they "feel sorry for people who don't have a love like ours"...He had tried to unite with her for nearly two years after their initial break up (which was the last of several "revolving door" breakups over 6 months) with NO response from her on two occasions and no sight of her on too many too count.

 

After reuniting, his behavior revealed a fearful "issue"...and in a few weeks, prior to any nuptials, she is horrified to discover, not that he hadn't become a christian but the REASON for their tragic breakup; whirlwind reunion and excitement...he is mentally ill...an intelligent, passionate but extreme and impulsive now, not so young man. She reads about BORDERLINE PERSONALITY DISORDER and realizes that this is exactly what she is facing. It is horrific. The past takes on new meaning with increasing clarity. She has always loved and has fatefully reunited with a man who behaves just as he did so many years ago. She realizes that IF she were a Christian, she would be sorely mad at God for doing this to her. She rather shakes her head to the sadly tumultuous turn of events and revelation that she can no longer deny.

 

The path that she has taken, the once fascinating and beautiful dream that she had followed has shattered. She is now an EX christian and finding it ironic that she "has no one to pray to" and no reason to think that he is anything but what and who he truly is. She doesn't believe that he is demon possessed. She no longer feels, as with her first AND second husbands, that he is deceived and deceiving others...no, actually he hasn't even made it that far...he is lost. Lost in his mind and emotions that swallow his life and spiraled down into gaming addiction where he loses her and this time...forever. Addiction. Release. Soothing for his pain and exclusion of her...again.

 

So what does she do while he "games" all day? She used to cry, become depressed, deal with grief of loss of her parent's deaths. No more. She is realizing that she has been SORELY BETRAYED. Anger, frustration, sadness and depression envelope her. She attends counseling alone because he will not join her. He has too much to lose (apart from her) to be seen as "mentally ill" so he chooses to LOSE HER...again. Tragic.

 

Life starts again for the woman who will not allow neither warped doctrine or twisted minds to confine her. She goes on. After leaving her life behind, giving away nearly everything, including a car, in hopes with promise of marriage, a new dining room set and a "home" for her and her son with him, she has to GO ON and start her life without him. He gave her "his word"...surely, this MUST be better than a christian's "word" since she had known TWO christian men who had NOT behaved with the insidious twists of snarling words and anger with "I DO NOT love you" as her True Love. His pain is deep and real and engulfs him. She will not be taken down with him.

 

He has said many times to her "You win"...he is so right. She DOES win. She doesn't feel like a winner but he apparently is the certain LOSER in this story. But rather than they both becoming winners, he loses her, again...and he doesn't even have God to blame for it...just himself.

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