So I'm back in a new church now (for my family's sake; I've explained this i the past) but its different. I have a new identity. Im the thinker/doubter. I enjoy this role. While I havent said Im an atheist ( yeah I flaked out.....but everyone was so happy to see us and they assumed we were saved and we all played along) , I have voiced that I have serious doubts. I dont bite my tongue anymore. If something sounds wrong or stupid i speak up and they seem to encourage it. (WHAT?!?!!) Being back in church I am able to go back and see why I lost my faith. I forgot my journey but being back in church and seeing the mindset it all is coming back to me. And it crazy to see it now from my perspectve. Science it great when it affirms the bible, otherwise its a waste. The meteor in russia should have been enough for people to say "....Geez, god sure could have cleaned up some of these extra parts he left around the solar system so no one gets hurt". Looking at the world I see NO ONE IS WATCHING OUR BACK. and its painful to hear these weak minded people speak. not "weak" in a bad way but kind of. they think they are nothing without this. they have testimonies, stories, and my suspicion that the most vulnerable take the biggest hold on religion. They sing about how he's a father to the fatherless, heals the sick, etc and people buy it hook line and sinker. They really think they are helpless and they aren't. These people are slaves.
I dont sing anymore, I watch how crafted the sermons are and how people percieve them. I watch as people get ready then 3, ,2,1 stand and give god the glory. its the same people and what benefit is raising your arms and opening your hands? Thats the stupidest thing ever. Those are not satellites receiving a signal and the difference in reception is negligible with your hands raised as opposed to hands down. Everything just lloks so STUPID. Im glad I see it this way now. I gaurd my family from bs. They see me as the poor sport but i am raising freethinkers