I am glad that I WOKE UP. I am really glad that I no longer live WITHIN the constraints of life according to an unseen "sky friend" and the "doctrine" that the community perpetuated. I don't miss it. I don't miss "him". I began to realize this shortly AFTER my deconversion started June 2011. It was pretty much complete by August and by November I felt comfortable saying to others that I was "no longer a christian". I had FOUND my life...and it was "not hid" in an invisible sky friend like I was told...IT WAS HID in plain view and all I had to do was WAKE UP and open my eyes to see it.
Why do we struggle with WHAT WE KNOW to be true and want to protect it as if WE were being attacked when we find contradictions, myth and irrationality??? Why do we have such a hard time accepting ourselves for AS WE ARE??? Why did I have to "become a sinner, in order to be saved?"...Didn't I KNOW my self-worth and was I REALLY that needy that I had to be LOVED BY GOD in order to validate my purpose in life. How very sad is this. I realize NOW that those who are still in religion are "asleep", their own scriptures even say that those who are "dead in Christ" are "asleep"...and they don't want to wake up...they WANT to stay "hid", "asleep" and for the most part, truly DEAD.
I am "over" wanting to find a christian-like community for my musical outlet. I have found three community choirs. The first one was not a "good fit", it just didn't feel right...they were practicing one song that I had sung in the Presbyterian church before I "gave my life" away to God. I looked again and found a nice little community choir close to home, I went and I am committed. FUN. People are genuinely interested in having fun with music, performing and enjoying singing. But that was not quite enough. I was steered toward a more professional group by the director of the last group and will be attending their concert and then rehearsal this coming weekend and next week. I have found "a niche" for my musical outlet...it feels good.
I needed this past few years to "regroup"...I needed to WAKE UP from my slumber of comfort of self-affirming myth to FIND MYSELF...and you know what??? I am REALLY happy about it.
Living life AWAKE is a good thing!!!!