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My Ex-Family's Audacity Never Ceases


TheBluegrassSkeptic

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blog-0529812001362354347.jpgSo, overall, my week has been rather blasè.

 

Crappy weather. Crappy workload. Crappy attitude.

 

Seriously, my Friday could not get here fast enough this past week, and once here, I actually managed to wind down a bit and relax. Fast forward to this evening, on my way home from the store and I get a phonecall from my oldest son's father that my daughter Rachel gave a call to Sean on his cell phone. Turns out my youngest daughter, a whole 16 years old youngest, was over visiting my parents and wanted to get a hold of her brothers before heading back. I advised to have my parents and daughter call the house phone since Sean wasn't with me.

 

Well, I get home. Sean barely looks up as I walk in, mentions that Rachel and my parents called. Seemed semi-excited that he was invited to come stay the night sometime, but that my mother said I would have to call her to make arrangements for said visit. Without even thinking I immediately said to my son,"You will have to make the arrangements. I am never talking to that woman again."

 

His eyes were as big as saucers. Talk about a show stopper of a comment, right?

 

Still, that is where I am still at with things. I had a nasty email exchange about 3 months ago with my mother on FB, and then my father had the nerve to step in pulling the whole,"Amanda, this is your father right now....blah .. blah..blah." He was slamming MY parenting, which is hilarious. Last I checked he never did anything to deal with his anger issues, let alone be forthcoming with anyone about his abuse of me, and here he is bigger than a turkey on a supper table criticizing my parenting. He literally said,"Someday your children will realize what kind of parent you really are." I hope they do! I've done a hell of a lot more for them than anyone else was willing to.

 

I digress.

 

Not wanting to leave Sean completely in the middle of the mess, I made it clear to him he is welcome to be around my parents all he wants so long as he makes the arrangements and he isn't in harm's way. I told him when to tell her to a good time would be (Spring Break next month) and to make a time. I think this is reasonable given the situation, and yes, my son is FULLY aware of why I have quit talking with my parents and my father's transgressions. He is 11 years old, going on 26. He knows things aren't quite right with how my father behaves and I think with my mother's lack of interest the past year, he was due some answers. I did make it very clear though that this was between myself and my parents. I've shown him where I have sent contact information (house numbers and such) MULTIPLE times to my mother for her to contact him, and yet she doesn't.

 

This is literally the first time since Christmas that she has even spoken to Sean! And prior to that, she only called him once, and that was out of spite when I made it clear that she was a lazy ass grandmother who wouldn't even call her grandson regularly to check on him. I do not think it is reasonable to expect an 11 year old to automatically be calling HER. I think it is the other way around, but for some reason she seems to be holding that standard to Sean whilst having never done so to my daughters. The hypocritical behavior is mind-boggling. She has managed to get off her butt and visit my youngest son at school a couple times this past year, but even that took a stern talking to from his dad. These people are hit and miss at best and I find it all very frustrating.

 

Of course, according to my mother, "Grand kids are supposed to come to the grandparents. Not the other away around." I understand that we live 45 miles apart. I meet them 20 min from their home at the local mall. Several times over the years, I have brought the kids both ways to their place. At least 5-7 times a year, I would haul ass out there for a day with the kids. In the SIX years I have been in Kentucky, they have only come down here 3 times. THREE. These people are fucking retired and wayyyyy under 70 years of age. Even then, if unable to driver, how hard is a phone call?

 

If it becomes to strenuous with making the visitation happen, or if my parents insist on trying to communicate with me for things other than emergency, I will have to completely cut off contact, including on behalf of my children, I think. I refuse to be put into the psychological honeymoon of faking family time ever again. This past 9 months of no contact has been AWESOME and I hate to see it ruined.

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I agree completely with your reasoning. I wish I could say something comforting; I've been in this situation as well (not with a kid, but having to confront a parent who doesn't parent). Sean can't be in an easy situation. Best wishes to you guys in working it out.

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