April 1st, 2013 - The joke will not be on me this time!

Two things this blog is NOT about:

1. Me whining about how I want to look like Brook Shields in 2 weeks.

2. Me whining about how unfair the world is so I overeat to compensate.

Okay, now that is out of the way, the purpose of this blog is to put myself out there with my own struggle with weight loss and addiction to food. I might ramble on about how I am really craving the salty texture of an Angus Mushroom and Swiss 1/3 Pounder from McDevil. I will not ramble on about how upset I am that life has got me down today so I am eating creme puffs. I might talk about how I am having major cravings at the moment and struggling, but I will not moan about how the weight is not coming off fast enough.

See, 3 years ago, when I was *cough whisper* 32, I lost 40 pounds and got down to my healthy weight of 165. I did this in about a four month time span. And losing that 40 pounds wasn't torture because I didn't even realize I was losing it. This was the first time I had weighed less than 185 in almost 8 years.

Sounds awesome, right? Sounds like "Damn, girl! You are dedicated when you have a goal!"

No. Not true at all.

I lost the weight in four months because I was walking/biking the 2 miles to work, then working on my feet as a waitress 8-10 hours a day, then walking/biking home the 2 miles all over again. Needless to say 12 hours worth of non-stop physical activity at different paces throughout the day will do that to you and leave little time to eat. Now, on the little time to eat part, I am not complaining because it helped me shrink my stomach down so I could start eating better portion sizes, and when I did eat, I was focused on greens and very little meat, which is all one can afford when shit poor. My caloric intake was right around 1500 for all those who might jump my shit about not eating a lot. I did play a lot of sports in my school days so I do know you HAVE to eat. But this level of activity is NOT healthy, in my opinion, and that is because the process was all wrong.

Here's the negative to all the cardio I was getting - and I mean a lot of cardio - it didn't build any muscle, and guess what?!? I injured my back to the point I have permanent sciatic nerve damage to this day. AND, I gained all the weight back over the last 8 months. I am back to 205.

Man, 205. As in pounds, for all you Europeans on here, that is the equivalent of 93 kg. 15 stone. A whole lot of fat and wasting muscle on my injured frame.

While it is fortunate that I am nearly 5'9" in height, it is little comfort when I am starting to pick out 1X size clothing again. It is also upsetting because I pride myself on being curvy. 165 leaves something to grab or look at, and I have a waist. Even bigger concern is that my family is plagued with diabetes. It is just a matter of time for me, and without health insurance (thanks to my lay off), I will probably die an early death from it.

Those three reasons above are why I am doing this.

So, this entry says Diary of a Food Addict - The Joke Will Not Be On Me This Time. By joke, I mean the prank I pull on myself everyday for the last few months. I get up, look at my closet filled with large clothing, feel the aching in my hip and legs, and tell myself,"We (because I am royalty) are going to get this under control today." Naturally it never happens. I feel some type of need for satisfaction and I go right for the ice box or nearest drive thru. I KNOW this is an addiction. It explains why after 3 weeks of no caffeine I hopped right back on soda, albeit I am currently drinking only two cans a day though, compared to a previous count of FOUR cans. Like an idiot, I kept putting off getting the rest of the junk food out of my diet, so here I am guzzling a cola.

Small changes, small changes. If you fall off, keep back at it, eventually you should make some headway. That is what I was taught growing up in regards to anything that challenges you, though it would have been nice if they taught you how to deal with the challenges creating the challenges you are facing. Still, I take it to heart and I know this is something that will gather strength. If I could beat my anger problem, I know I can lose weight, the smart way.

So, what is my plan?

First things first, the way I am thinking HAS to change. I know I am not the only one who goes to the fridge wanting some satisfaction, and as you look through the shelves and drawers, you say to yourself,"I don't need to be doing this. I'm not hungry, but ... ah, fuck it. Deal with it another day." Quite literally, to deal with this, I am putting signs INSIDE my fridge. Not just on the outside, but within. Signs like,"This is food addiction talking, not you." "Drink something first." Unlike some, signs really do work for me. It is a physical reminder of what is going on and I can't just THINK it away, and I won't have the desire to physically remove it to have my way either. Plus, I have already made food ahead of time. So my options are clearly positioned and there won't be any rummaging around the shelves to get me distracted too often. Yeah, I know I will slip here and there.

Secondly, I am affecting my environment around me. My oldest son Sean is starting to pack on weight, and I don't think it is healthy weight because he is complaining of aching limbs, and frankly, he doesn't have any kids in the neighborhood as friends, so he sits on his butt all day after school playing Roblox or something. I know he sits the majority of the day at school too, so I've been closing the kitchen at 7pm except for drinks. That will be step two in the environment thing. Drinks will be included in the evening kitchen closing starting this coming weekend. Sean will be on Spring break next week so he will raid the fridge even more than normal if I don't take control now. And by doing this together, I am finding he is more conscience of what he is doing too when it comes to eating. I've explained eating an entire LARGE bag of twizzlers is the equivalent of two meals and he got nothing out of it nutritionally. He hadn't thought of it like that. It probably doesn't help his dad would eat a bag of cookies or chips and sour cream like it was a meal. So, deprogramming is key here. Thankfully, Sean is all for it, and I know his dad is too.

Thirdly, and finally, activities.

Now, three years ago I lost weight and got to my healthy size, but at a big price for the way I had unwittingly gone about it. And that is key here, unwittingly. How does someone lose weight without intending to lose weight? Stress? Work? Economic conditions? All three of these things played a factor and combined, the loss was not overly traumatic. I was addicted to food at that time. I was drinking soda like it was the life blood of immortality. Still, I do not recall suffering through a lot of side effects from resetting. Money and activity level played a humongous role though, and I am going to incorporate this back in to my life, only smarter. I have some Turbo Fire videos that have muscle building exercises with bands. These look like they are sciatica friendly, but the cardio side of the vids I am going to skip.I have never been one for an organized gym class and we all know muscle building is about focused exercise, so 20 - 40 min a day tops on that. For cardio, I still have my bike, and the neighborhood I am in has all kinds of slopes and changing terrain, along with SLOW traffic. Cycling is so much fun. I love it.

Now, to the real reason anyone would want to look at this blog.

The pictures I promised.

I have them below for any and all gawkers. I am looking forward to updating them once a week, in the same suit, along with an updated weigh in stat below it. For those who like the more technical side of things with healthy lifestyle changes, I posted my "break even" caloric intake amount. In case you want to figure out what your "break even" intake is, use the formula below:

(Height in inches) x 4.7(for women) = A (Height in inches) x 12.9(for men) = A

(Weight in pounds) x 4.3(for women) = B (Weight in pounds) x 6.3(for men) = B

(Age) x 4.7(for women) = C (Age) x 6.8(for men) = C

Then: A + B - C + 65(for women)= Your daily caloric maintenance level.

A + B - C + 66(for men)= Your daily caloric maintenance level.

You then have to add an additional amount of calories to account for your lifestyle.

Sedantary (On your butt all day, less than an hour light activity a day) 20%

Lightly Active (Lots of housecleaning) 30%

Moderately Active (Go to the gym every other day) 40%

Very Active (Gym every other day, plus sports) 50%

Extremely Active (Training for a marathon!) 60%

Since I sit on my ass currently and do hardly any light activity, I am definitely sedentary...so, I am going to add 20% to my final caloric maintenance level.

Here is the math for me personally:

69 x 4.7 = 324.3 (A) 205 x 4.3 = 881.50 ( B ) 35 x 4.7 = 164.50 ( C)

324.3 + 881.50 - 164.5 + 65 = 1106.3 (D)

1106.3 x .20 = 221.26

1106.3 + 221.26 = 1327.56

1327.56 calories is what I need, AT A MINIMUM, for my body to maintain what I am currently at. Needless to say, I am way over that and it is disproportionately going to fats and starches versus greens, fruits and protein. I am pushing 2200 calories a day currently. I eat half a day AHEAD OF TIME! So, I know I will lose weight fairly quickly just by exercising alone. Build muscle, lose weight. And no, I am not cutting down to 1327 calories a day. That is INSANE! I will cut down to 1800 to start. When you exercise, you have to feed those muscles!

The beauty of calorie counting isn't that you have to really count them. It lets you know where you are, and puts things in perspective. The only part that messes me up is protein. I know that I only need 46 grams (1.6 oz) of protein a day, but I love meat. So, I am going to figure out how to break it up throughout the day so I feel fuller longer instead of eating the day's portion in one sitting.

But, I digress. Here is my fleshy white flabbiness. Behold the glory that is pasty!