I came out to my wife as an atheist a while ago. Shortly after she was accepting of it but she was undoubtedly very hurt by this. She was expressing frustration in that she didn't have the answers to questions that I was asking but I wont seek the help from people that have the answers. This is frustrating to me that she can live in ignorance of anything that is so important.
To make matters worse, a few months ago, I said that we would no longer tithe with my income. We would only use hers. At the time she was very accepting of it and we even selected a charity that we would donate to instead of putting our money in the offering plate. That sunday you would have thought that conversation was with an evil twin. All hell broke loose when I didnt write a check at church. Church consisted of her being one of the people who anonymously raised her hand for "special prayer" and when we got home with tears in her eyes she said that she wanted separate bank accounts because if we are not going to be in agreement on where our money needs to go, she will get a separate bank account. We make good money and have always been on the same page about money and consequently we have not had that issue in our marriage. Most marriages are plagued by money issue and we didn't have that problem for the reasons I just mentioned. I have always felt that if you can solve this problem in marriage (money problems) you have avoided the biggest hurdle. I refuse to get a separate bank account since it starts as a simple separate bank account then next thing you know we are sleeping in different rooms living two separate lives and that is not the marriage I signed up for.
For this reason I just write the stupid check. Its not worth it. I love my wife and family and if I have to go through the motions (which is very obvious by this point) to keep everybody together then so be it. I don't cry while they show passion of the christ clips, I spend time critiquing the singing and analyzing outfits. She pointed out to me that its obvious that I am going through the motions and I am a phony. I am a faker. I smile and hug people but they have all made the assumption that I am a believer. While I haven't outright declared myself atheist to our groups I have said that I have BIG questions and Big doubts about all of it. They welcome it and then presumably forget about it as it never comes up to them again.
Bringing up the issue always leads to tears since she is she is so hurt by it. Consequently, its often unmentioned so 99% of the time we are the normal loving couple with a great marriage. The "barrier" of my unbelief has faded to ALMOST not there anymore except that unmentioned 1% of the time. It tends to rear its head at the most inopportune times. While we lay intimately in bed, the "mood" is immediately killed as she says "I miss being on the same page as you" or "I'm smiling but inside I'm really still hurt" or "I wish things were back like they used to be". These are the "ice breakers" (unsolicited, off topic, out of nowhere comments) that lead her into tears and completely disrupt the evening (and usually the next morning since she cries herself to sleep over it). This part is the most frustrating for me because religion has faded in importance in our marriage but because of where its "supposed to" be, when we do talk about it, it seems like all the good times get trumped by my non-belief and once every few weeks she has to remind herself that I'm an atheist and things are not supposed to be this good.
Her wish is that I sit down with a pastor and talk about all my doubts and have them convince me that god is real. I don't want to believe in god anymore. I dont even want to try. I dont want to sit down with anybody and hear their flawed, uninformed, biased arguments. I am much happier since losing religion. There are periods where I am even losing interest in all the bible history and religious stuff from just being burned out. She forwards me articles about how religion is a "personal revelation" and that each person has to find their own path. The irony there is that having known her for as long as I have, I dont think thats the case for her.
In conclusion, just know that I have a great marriage 99% of the time but that 1% of the time sure sucks.
EDIT: and dont think for one second that my kids aren't going to be raised skeptics. THey LOVE science and we embrace that desire to learn.