Hey man, I'm really sorry.  I have no adequate advice as you seem to be very together about the whole thing.  Although, personally I couldn't tithe no matter what pressure I was being hit with from anybody. 

I hope she accepts the real you at some point.  The real struggle may be with your kids though.  As much as you want skeptics, she may want brainwashing.  It's a common battle, and I hope it turns out well.

Does she ever express interest in understanding your way of thinking?  Does she ever express doubt?  Or is she scared to doubt?  I'm just curious.

By the way, nice pic.  Haha.

she says she never had a doubt. but I can honestly say I didnt either until I wanted to learn more. She does try to "brainwash" them a little. but the 4 year old is amazingly rigid in her thinking, very analytical, she's got an imagination but its nothing like mine was as a child. She knows that dinosaurs walked the earth BEFORE people. and that things change over time. I feel like at least her knowing this she can obviously see how primitive and uninformed the societies that composed the bible are. Also, I have on my side that we are fundamentalists that which is a minority sect of christianity (and for good reason). Even christians laugh at fundies so it should crumble pretty easy and I'll be right there to guide her down the path of logic and reason. Also, we watch space, science, and nature shows, read books, and learn things about the world that directly contradict our religious teachings. though she doesnt yet see this mis-match in worldviews yet, she already accepts one as fact.

PS. the profile pic is from here 

I wish I could say, "She must have lead a pretty good life to be able to have that much absolute trust in something without questioning."  But I know even those who have gone through a good deal of grief and betrayal can have strong faith (evidenced by my own family). 

If I were in your shoes (being me, not you).  My biggest battle would be getting her to try to understand why I lost belief.  I'd relate it to the greek gods, or to the hindu gods, and just be like, "do you see how you cannot just believe that without proof?  That is how I feel, can you understand that?"  For me it would be very important that my partner understood that, whether or not she changed her beliefs at all.

That is for ME though, because I just don't think i could handle a relationship otherwise emotionally.  Whatever works best for you, only you know.

That's great that you kid is very inquisitive.  Play alot of pranks on her, so she knows that things are not always what they seem .  Haha!

yeah, that ship has sailed pretty much. I said all that to her several months ago. Its like talking to a brick and I dont expect her to understand. she admits that she has no answers but its seen to her a virtue and a personal revelation. I dont stand a chance against that with logic. The common thread Ive seen with non believers is they have a quest for knowledge. She is happy in her bubble

As far as the kid, I actually taught her a few magic tricks that she does at school she loves. shes pretty good at it too an adult could easily see it but her 4/5 year old peers are marveled by it.

Hey roadrunner,

Your situation sounds rough. The worst part is that you two actually talked about the tithe and THEN she flipped out on you after the decision was made. I totally get that writing the check is just easier. Have you ever considered, though, that perhaps giving in when it's easier like that is kind of training her to flip out to get her way? Similar to how when a parent gives in to a child when they throw a tantrum, I suppose. (Not equating your wife to a child, just illustrating the principle of conditioning). She is not learning how you will be responsive if she wants to have a healthy dialogue. She is learning that she will get her way when she cries or gets mad or whatever. This is all unconscious, but our brains are wired to take the path of least resistance. Just a thought.

Also, you may want to share this series of blog entries by a Christian blogger on misconceptions that Christians have about atheists. Sometimes it helps to hear these things from someone who is not directly involved in the situation: http://alise-write.com/the-christian-guide-to-atheists-atheists-are-uninformed/

Roadrunner,

That's really rough. It's great though, that you are still trying to keep things together.

Nothing pushy here, but have you considered various other options?

You say that you are atheist. What about agnostic? How can anyone be sure that there is no God? Life is so complex and we know so little. I am sure you have been wrong before on various things. Science does not answer all questions. Even such things as the concept of infinity are quite beyond our comprehension. If you honestly tell your wife that right know you just don't know, that will help you.

Secondly, giving up on Christianity does not mean that one has to give up on God. There are other spiritual alternatives. 

The main thing is to be honest in  your search for truth. Good luck. 

sorry for the late replies. 

DrNo: You are right that I am being an enabler but through conversations with others about our marriage I am finding out about some things that evidently hit home with her. To paraphrase I think she is beginning to understand my plight which touches on your other post. I cannot bring up my unbelief without it leading to a tearful conversation so I chose to "minister" to her through my actions.

Nat: I am technically agnostic because I do not know if there is no god. Im 99% sure there is not one but I'm 100% sure that its not Yahweh. The remaining 1% is reserved for far fetched left field scenarios like panspermia and something else out of left field. Sorry for seeming so blocked off from it but the world behaves just fine without god.