How To Live Life?

[Margee]

O.K. - So I am coming to the realization that there probably isn't a God - anyway - not the God I believed in as a Christian. No afterlife - no meeting of my dead loved ones.Did you do anything different? With your money? With your time? W ith your friends? With your work? Etc............

 

Did you say: ''the heck with it all - I'm gonna take a big trip''?

 

I know that I am going thru the deconversion stages. I know that part of this is grief.

 

Could some of you tell me how you started to live a new life? How are you making this life 'count'. This is so important to me - if I could hear some of your stories - then I could let go of this 'downcast' feeling, and really begin to live. I'm just not quite sure where to start.

 

Thank you so much

 

Sincerely, Margee

[foolish girl]

I didn't do anything differently. It just changed my thinking, my outlook. I am a little bit more ambitious now- which I needed.

 

If only I could afford a trip! LOL.

 

Anyway. I don't think a trip will give you purpose. I also think that regardless of a belief in a deity you have made your life count. From the stories that you have told here, you have dedicated yourself to others your whole life.

 

That counts!

 

Maybe you need a new hobby to distract you? Remember...being an ex-christian is not a hobby!

 

 

I can't wait until you get to acceptance, as I know you will! You are pretty darn cool, Margee!

[Margee]

I didn't do anything differently. It just changed my thinking, my outlook. I am a little bit more ambitious now- which I needed.

 

If only I could afford a trip! LOL.

 

Anyway. I don't think a trip will give you purpose. I also think that regardless of a belief in a deity you have made your life count. From the stories that you have told here, you have dedicated yourself to others your whole life.

 

That counts!

 

Maybe you need a new hobby to distract you? Remember...being an ex-Christian is not a hobby!

 

 

I can't wait until you get to acceptance, as I know you will! You are pretty darn cool, Margee!

 

Oh my god foolishgirl - you made me cry! I don't even know you, and I wish you were here in person to give you a big hug. I don't have anybody , except you guys for support right now. So, I'm doing this in secret behind everyone's back.

 

I wish I knew some agnostic -atheist people here, but I don't. It's seems that the whole world believes in god. The only person I can really talk to is my 'gay' boy. He says that I'm going thru the same thing he did when he 'came out'. I love him soooooo much. He is so cool. He never believed in god even when I tried to tell him there was one.He is a good teacher and so young -only 21.

 

You are so right about the new hobby - that could be it!! Now - what to do.......(I'll let you know when i find one!)

 

Right now -I feel like I am addicted to this forum! But I need you guys so much right now. I am so comforted sitting here at my computer reading and writing to you all.

 

Thank you so much for the compliment. I know you'd be the coolest person to know also! Big hug to you!

[Overcame Faith]

Margee, try science. When you do, you will find just how much more marvelous the universe is than could ever be conveyed by Christianity with its simplistic view of things. You will go from god created man from dirt to finding that we all ultimately came from star dust. I was watching a show on the History Channel just the other night about how stars are born, live and die. It turns out that once stars consume the helium which is its fuel that the star begins to implode and begins forming the elements. And the element that is the final death knell of a star is iron. Yes, the same iron which we find on our earth was once what killed a star. Other elements, too, were formed like gold, silver, etc. And, yes again, the gold and silver and other elements we find on our earth were all made by a dying star. Even our own star, the sun, is thought to be a third or fourth generation star, meaning that our sun was formed from the remains of several generations of dead stars. And every atom within our own bodies were also formed by dying stars.

 

One of the things I found very intriguing was the life and death of some stars. Some dead stars finally become a huge diamond of ten billion trillion trillion carats. Imagine that if you can.... Here's an article about a "diamond star."

 

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/science/nature/3492919.stm

 

None of this is in the Bible and yet it all is so much more thrilling than anything the Bible has to offer. Eventually you will come to see, as I have, that the Bible is really rather pathetic in so many ways. It is clearly a human product of its times. It does not even contain the most basic of information which we today take for granted. For example, it does not even describe the simple fact virtually known by everyone today with even a moderate education that the earth rotates on its axis and that what we view as the sun rising and setting is actually an illusion caused by the earth's rotation on its axis.

[florduh]

Could some of you tell me how you started to live a new life?

I didn't start to live a new life. When I finally stopped doing brain contortions to maintain a false belief, I just stopped wasting any more time on Bible study and church. That allowed more time for things I was doing as a believer anyway. It wasn't a new life, but rather more life.

 

I was a little irritated at myself for having been so gullible, but I quickly forgave myself. I studied other concepts of "spirituality" but found them all lacking evidence. Accepting reality came easily for some reason, but I have always been pragmatic. As Dr. House said, "It is what it is."

 

I always did and still do have interest in photography, motorcycling and electronics. I have lucked into a great group of friends who are fun to hang with - and they are not all atheists, either! In other words, life just goes on after any major lifestyle change, be it leaving home, college, a job, a spouse or a church. You've heard it before but the truth is it just takes time; more time for some and less for others.

 

Good luck!

[MagickMonkey]

Could some of you tell me how you started to live a new life?

I didn't start to live a new life. When I finally stopped doing brain contortions to maintain a false belief, I just stopped wasting any more time on Bible study and church. That allowed more time for things I was doing as a believer anyway. It wasn't a new life, but rather more life.

 

I was a little irritated at myself for having been so gullible, but I quickly forgave myself. I studied other concepts of "spirituality" but found them all lacking evidence. Accepting reality came easily for some reason, but I have always been pragmatic. As Dr. House said, "It is what it is."

 

I always did and still do have interest in photography, motorcycling and electronics. I have lucked into a great group of friends who are fun to hang with - and they are not all atheists, either! In other words, life just goes on after any major lifestyle change, be it leaving home, college, a job, a spouse or a church. You've heard it before but the truth is it just takes time; more time for some and less for others.

 

Good luck!

 

Your into electronics? Like designing and building electronics?

[Knetti]

I didn't have a new life. I went through some religion searching before finally getting to where I am now. What did change was me- how I think and act. I'm a new person, I guess you could say. But it was more of an evolution than a change of life, and I would have done that in some way anyway, no matter what I chose to believe or not believe.

[florduh]

Your into electronics? Like designing and building electronics?

In the olden days I built some stuff, but now it's pretty much limited to ham radio geekishness (that's a word, right?).

[MagickMonkey]

Your into electronics? Like designing and building electronics?

In the olden days I built some stuff, but now it's pretty much limited to ham radio geekishness (that's a word, right?).

 

That's cool. I'm into guitar related electronics. I've designed a pre-amp or two and a power amp designed around a power cmos inverter stage. I also build a thing or two I find on the net, sometimes with my own adaptations. When I have more time, I'm gonna start fooling with some digital stuff. I got an arduino board not long ago.

[ilovemybrain]

Margee it's okay to be "addicted" to this site. We need each other. We know how rough it is. And I'll respond to your original question and probably PM you later when I have time today. In short, I think life can be much more peaceful and joyful without religious bullshit. ((hugs))

[chosendarkness]

I started doing some creative projects that I had always wanted to do. I could never find the courage before when I was a Christian, but I don't know if it was related to that. It might be though because now I'm more confident.

[stryper]

How to live?

 

Well that's kind of a loaded question.

 

Let me ask another. How do YOU WANT to?

 

With no one to judge you, no one to condem you, not artifical and abusive rules, what would you do?

 

Would you love more freely? Would you danse around your house naked? Would you take up an artistic hobby? Would you go to a heavy metal concert, just once?

 

Would you read a book on wicca, hinduism, buddist philosophy, Taoist or "god forbid" SAATAANN ?

 

Would you go to a casino and gamble away $100 in 5 minutes just because there is no one to condem you?

 

Would you lounge away the day just sitting on your proch/deck/picinic area watching the grass grow? (Which can be interseting when the animals get use to you

 

Your life has always been and will always be your choice. You chose for many years to live according to rules and in fear of something you were taught was real. Now you have chosen to not live under those restrictions. The entire world is open to you and that can be daunting.

 

My suggestion would be to make a list of all the things you've wanted to do but been afraid to because of religion. Pick the one you are most comfortable with and do it. Then pick another. I doesn't have to be all at once. Take a year or two or five....just choose and live.

 

 

EDIT: :grumbles about proof reading before posting:

[Jds22]

This may sound weird but I started being more careful. I always believed that the date of my death was already fixed or decided upon by God's plan. Nothing I did would change that. I figured if today was the day of my death, so be it, no need to worry about it. So I took more chances than I probably should have, especially since I have a wife and kids.

 

Now I'm like, holy shit, I better not do that. Nobody's got my back if I totally screw up.

 

[MagickMonkey]

How to live?

 

Well that's kind of a loaded question.

 

Let me ask another. How do YOU WANT to?

 

With no one to judge you, no one to condem you, not artifical and abusive rules, what would you do?

 

Would you love more freely? Would you danse around your house naked? Would you take up an artistic hobby? Would you go to a heavy metal concert, just once?

 

Would you read a book on wicca, hinduism, buddist philosophy, Taoist or "god forbid" SAATAANN ?

 

Would you go to a casino and gamble away $100 in 5 minutes just because there is no one to condem you?

 

Would you lounge away the day just sitting on your proch/deck/picinic area watching the grass grow? (Which can be interseting when the animals get use to you

 

Your life has always been and will always be your choice. You chose for many years to life according to rule and in fear of something you were taught to was real. Now you have the choice to not live under those restriction. The entire world is open to you and that can be daunting.

 

My suggestion would be to make a list of all the things you've wanted to do but been afraid to because of religion. Pick the one you are most comfortable with and do it. Then pick another. I doesn't have to be all at once. Take a year or two or five....just choose and live.

 

+1 I really like this post, and would give it a +100 if I could. I didn't leave christianity to escape useless guilt, but it has been one of the greatest benefits of being free from religion.

[MagickMonkey]

This may sound weird but I started being more careful. I always believed that the date of my death was already fixed or decided upon by God's plan. Nothing I did would change that. I figured if today was the day of my death, so be it, no need to worry about it. So I took more chances than I probably should have, especially since I have a wife and kids.

 

Now I'm like, holy shit, I better not do that. Nobody's got my back if I totally screw up.

 

 

Holy shit, I may have been doing the same thing without knowing it. I know I drive much more carefully than I did as a christian. I've always attributed this to an attitude adjustment I received during a ride on a motorcycle and just getting older, but I wonder if knowing I have no afterlife is also a part of why I am more careful.

[ebonileigh]

Oh, Overcame Faith,I couldn't agree more, science 'saved' me, I have a real passion for it, and I have a passion for art, which was initially part of therapy treatment, now I paint constantly in my spare time, I do figurative and portraiture art, and read and study a lot. I'm also passionate about animals and also about womens rights, very passionate about that. I do have a new life, which I began 11 years ago when I escaped the cult, then 2 years after that had the courage to escape from my husband, accompanied by my 2 adult children. I went through some horrific things during my time in the cult, when I escaped and after, I had intensive counselling and psychotherapy and have never looked back. I am the happiest I've ever been in my life, (well, not since I was a child), and I'm now 62 years of age.

I've finally grown up, educated myself and I'm finally FREE.

It WILL get better Margee, I promise you. Take Overcamefaiths advise about watching some videos on the universe, cosmology, astronomy, astrobiology and pretty much all the sciences, especially evolution by natural selection. Oh, there is so much to learn and it's all so exciting, I just love it.

Keep posting.

[SirPhoenix]

I truly believe that a life that "counts" is a life that is lived in a way that is consistant with what each of us admires. A soldier that values the freedoms of his country and then dies serving his country, has led a life that counts. Maybe it didn't count to others, but it did to him, because before his death, he thought highly of those that died in service. A woman who devotes her life to charitable organizations and dies peacefully in her sleep at 95 has also lived a valuable life, because she emulated the qualities in her life that she admired most.

 

The only wasted life is one that is lived contrary to the values that we individually hold most dear. I would argue that science is pursuit of truth, and many people value truth, hence it gives meaning to life.

 

I think our lives are highly subjective, so why not live a life that makes you happy. When I realized that I didn't have to conform to a life run by ancient views of morality, I was freed in every way immaginable.

 

Very few of us achieve immortality by leaving a mark on this world, and many who have are not remembered fondly. Those that are remembered with admiration didn't set out to achieve that. They followed their passions, and I think that servers as a good example to us all.

 

 

[Serendipity Rose]

The entire time I was in religion I felt like there had to be more to life. I wanted so badly to do good things. Help people. But in religion, to do good things there were conditions. I couldn't abide by those conditions. To do good in the name of god with the church meant that I had to love people under the condition that they believed or at least listened to the word of christianity. I couldn't be involved in church activities because I couldn't do so with good conscience because of those conditions. I felt like doing good should be completely unconditional for the recipient.

 

Since I've left religion I have jumped in feet first to volunteer in various social justice activities. We happen to have a wonderful UU church where I live and there are absolutely no conditions attached. Most of us are atheists. It is such a relief!

 

I think that with any major life change you experience many surges of confidence and doubt. Religion has most of its power because of it's attack on people's emotions. Many people feel like they have had some kind of spiritual experience because of this. It's kind of like a 'high'. Allow yourself time to adjust. Allow yourself to question both your former beliefs and you current disbeliefs.

 

The absolutely best thing I have done since I left religion was to find a Freethinkers group in our area. Search meetup.com, yahoo and google groups to see if there is one near you. If not, start one! If you have to start one, it will take some patience but it really is true, if you build it, the will come. Ours meets once or twice a month, has people of all ages and we meet somewhere different pretty much every time. Sometimes to watch a video and discuss and sometimes for dinner and discussion. It is always good.

 

Other than those two things, I am exactly the same person I always was before. But then again, I was probably one of those Christians that they say were never a "REAL" Christian anyway. What can I say. I've always been a skeptic. Just took me a long time to figure out how to get out of the rat race.

[HRDWarrior]

For me, understanding that this life was the only one I had was liberating - I want to enjoy this life, but also understand that my impact is that much greater, since there's no god out there to make things better. Therefore, my own hobbies aside, I also volunteer - now, I personally choose to work with animals because I feel that they are often the helpless victims of human cruelty, and that the humans who treat them like disposable toys should be shot, but that's just me. Other people find that working with people gives them a much greater satisfaction, or doing something more general, like an environmental or philosophical cause.

 

I intend to live my life to its fullest - that means I will do the things I enjoy (for me, motorcycles and my animals) and pursue my goals without first consulting with an arbitrary religion. You'll get through this phase given time, right now you're just seeing a big hole, but it will fill, trust me I have no idea how I ever managed to fit church into my schedule now lol!

[ilovemybrain]

Wow, everyone has some great posts here. Some things I have found that really turn my crank since leaving church - reading about science, especially evolution, since that was "forbidden" before (you rock, O.F. - always great advice), making friends with people who are (gasp) UNsaved, (in fact, being free to be make friends with really interesting people from all walks of life, who don't condemn me for my lack of belief, is the BEST part of ex-xianity). I have found I really enjoy my local secular meetup group, and they are working on some ideas for community service projects we can do.

 

As a christian, I always felt guilty that I never really wanted to volunteer for community service or anything, maybe because I was afraid of non christians a little bit? Or maybe I just naturally push against wanting to do something I'm "supposed to" do, but now I find it easy to give of my resources (although I am extremely busy and have little time to give at this point, I do what I can, and love it.) Just because I want to help people.

 

I listen to the music I really like instead of the stupid christian stuff (I know some of you like the sound of xian music but I think most of it is sucky). I go to fun parties with good friends who love to be with me and let me be myself. I laugh and play and make new friends.

 

I quit trying to police my "naughty" thoughts so that they're acceptable to some imaginary asshole deity. They just are what they are. And in the right circumstances, when it won't hurt anyone else, actions will follow thoughts

 

I say "fuck" and whatever other words I feel like saying whenever I feel like it (within reason - I do know how to be respectful to small children, old people, and uptight fundies with a heart condition). Why is so fucking satisfying to swear? Maybe because it sometimes expresses the exact magnitude of what I'm feeling? We know those fundies are thinking "fuck you!" to each other all the time, they just don't get to experience the relief of saying what they mean.

 

Mostly, I have permission to enjoy this beautiful earth here and now. I can go ahead and let myself be at home here. I am a physical being in a physical world. I love the breeze, the grass, swimming in a cold lake on a hot day, etc etc...there is a lot to enjoy when you quit feeling guilty for being at home here - my church in particular emphasized the "this world is not our home" idea. Rejecting that also makes me happy to take better care of myself and get healthy again.

 

I don't really worry about dying soon, or dying young. I worry about dying without having lived. Life may look different for you as you go on. What we do affects the people around us, some of whom we love and care for, and so we can't all just pick up and move away to some mountain in Tibet if we feel like it, but we can make small changes to get our lives the way we want them, always enjoying each day along the way. I know, some days just suck. But it's still better when you're free to be yourself and you're not sitting on your ass waiting for a god to fix stuff for you.

 

Just reading over this post, I'm hearing in my mind, what my fundy soon-to-be-ex has said about me, that I'm just "indulging in whatever I feel like" and making "stupid" decisions (like drinking three beers in one night - HORRIBLE, I know - barely got buzzed, but the magical number three really shocked the hell out of him for some reason) as if this kind of freedom is a bad thing. There are lifestyle decisions that have varying degrees of danger or dumb-ass-ed-ness (like when I overdid it New Year's Eve) but these are not morally wrong in the sense of pissing off a deity and being a wicked human being because of them. We all have to weigh these things for ourselves and put up with our own consequences. But we live and learn.

 

Anyway, I'm glad you're here!

[MagickMonkey]

I say "fuck" and whatever other words I feel like saying whenever I feel like it (within reason - I do know how to be respectful to small children, old people, and uptight fundies with a heart condition). Why is so fucking satisfying to swear? ...

 

I guess it's like breaking something when you're pissed off. It really does relieve stress.

 

... I'm hearing in my mind, what my fundy soon-to-be-ex has said about me, that I'm just "indulging in whatever I feel like" and making "stupid" decisions (like drinking three beers in one night - HORRIBLE, I know - barely got buzzed, but the magical number three really shocked the hell out of him for some reason) as if this kind of freedom is a bad thing. ....

 

Hahahha, that sounds like something my fundie mom would have freaked out about. When my brother was in college, she found out that he drank beer. She told him that if she ever caught him doing that again, she would disown him. She didn't though.

[Darklady]

There have been some great replies to this post. One thing from me, I recently realised that I don't need some people in my life. I am no longer going to try to maintain relationships with people who judge me, try to reconvert me, or are negative about my life and my choices. There are plenty of people (well some I think) who actually like the new me, and want to spend time with me and me with them. I used to try (as a xian) to be everyone's friend, this was exhausting and fruitless I am becoming more selfish with me, if that makes any sense to you.

Welcome to your new life by the way. This site has been a sanity saver for many of us. (Thanks Dave )

[Droptail]

Just reading over this post, I'm hearing in my mind, what my fundy soon-to-be-ex has said about me, that I'm just "indulging in whatever I feel like" and making "stupid" decisions (like drinking three beers in one night - HORRIBLE, I know - barely got buzzed, but the magical number three really shocked the hell out of him for some reason) as if this kind of freedom is a bad thing. There are lifestyle decisions that have varying degrees of danger or dumb-ass-ed-ness (like when I overdid it New Year's Eve) but these are not morally wrong in the sense of pissing off a deity and being a wicked human being because of them. We all have to weigh these things for ourselves and put up with our own consequences. But we live and learn.

 

Brain pretty much covers the extent of what I wanted to say. +1

 

You can pretty much live your life without any consideration for the fancies of some celestial overlord. I don't have to censor myself from reading certain kinds of books/writings anymore, I don't have to be preoccupied by thoughts of fear about sexual "sin", etc. I also find that morality is a much more personal matter now; I do good because I want to be able to live in a society where trust, cooperation, honesty, etc. are valued, not because god wants some excuse to be able to roast me on satan's barbecue...

[ilovemybrain]

There have been some great replies to this post. One thing from me, I recently realised that I don't need some people in my life. I am no longer going to try to maintain relationships with people who judge me, try to reconvert me, or are negative about my life and my choices. There are plenty of people (well some I think) who actually like the new me, and want to spend time with me and me with them. I used to try (as a xian) to be everyone's friend, this was exhausting and fruitless I am becoming more selfish with me, if that makes any sense to you.

Welcome to your new life by the way. This site has been a sanity saver for many of us. (Thanks Dave )

 

I love the way you put that - "becoming more selfish with me" - I feel exactly the same. I am not wasting any time trying to please those who can't handle me just exactly as I am.

[SirPhoenix]

There have been some great replies to this post. One thing from me, I recently realised that I don't need some people in my life. I am no longer going to try to maintain relationships with people who judge me, try to reconvert me, or are negative about my life and my choices. There are plenty of people (well some I think) who actually like the new me, and want to spend time with me and me with them. I used to try (as a xian) to be everyone's friend, this was exhausting and fruitless I am becoming more selfish with me, if that makes any sense to you.

Welcome to your new life by the way. This site has been a sanity saver for many of us. (Thanks Dave )

 

I love the way you put that - "becoming more selfish with me" - I feel exactly the same. I am not wasting any time trying to please those who can't handle me just exactly as I am.

 

 

Taking that thought a step further, what about all the times the xtian community tried to make us feel guilty for doing anything for ourselves if it usurped biblegod. Want to go skiing on a Sunday becuase the powder is awesome. Sorry, biblegod comes first. Want to watch a sporting event? What does biblegod think about that? Want to go see the next Harry Potter movie? Do you enjoy making Jesus cry?

 

It's ok to think of yourself as long as that isn't the only person you ever think about. -Me-