God's Chain Letter

[Kurari]

Ok, so my roomies and I are standing around the kitchen and we happened to get this peice of junk mail that was just...WTF.

 

We haven't opened it, the envelope was enough! It's addressed to "Resident - To A Friend"

 

All underlining italicizing, and bolding is verbatim of what is on this letter.

 

On the front it says:

 

"God's Holy Spirit instructed us to loan you this to start turning things around for you. So, here it is. Use it, and be blessed."

 

On the back, it says:

 

Dear God,

 

With our Bibles opened to St. Matthew 18:19, we humbly and sincerely pray on bended knees for You to anoint this letter with Your precious and holy power to meet the most pressing needs that someone is facing as they open this church letter of prayer.

 

Heavenly Father, we pray that this one who needs this divine help will write their needs on page two of this letter and will place this blessed, biblical, Acts 19:11, 12, Handkerchief and this sealed Bible prophecy under their side of their bed as they sleep tonight.

 

Let Thy power from heaven descend upon this home tonight and tomorrow night, after this one has mailed their most pressing needs back to this 56-year-old church ministry. We pray that they will break open this sealed prophecy after sunset tomorrow. Amen.

 

 

Just...I have no words for this. Note they highlight all the particularly emotional wording. Nobody's even opened this letter.

 

 

And then my Catholic roomie does something so mindblowingly rediculous, I'm still having serious brain hurty. His (gay) partner was going to open it and he said, "NO! Don't open it!"

 

So his partner shrugs and goes to throw it out, and he says, "NO! Don't throw it out! Just put it back on the table. I'm not one to bait God. Just put it back on the table."

 

Me and his partner (who's not christian) look at him funny, and it seemed like he was joking. I said in a joking manner, "Do you want me to throw it out? I'm the Buddhist, it doesn't matter to me."

 

He says flippantly...and I quote: "Yes, well I know God can smite a Buddhist anytime he wants, so it doesn't matter. Just leave it alone"

 

OH....RAGE. I wanted to tell him off SO BAD, but he's the type of fucking moron that it would just make him mad compound his beliefs that he's right. He'd never admit he's a FUCKING CONCEITED ASS. I have no idea HOW he justifies being a gay Catholic to a non-Christian partner. Apperantly, he can cherry pick his pointless denominational death cult all he likes. It's the way of the conceited, even God's commandments don't matter to them if they don't want them too.

 

Then, get this, he and my best friend/roomie (who is a more liberal Methodist) get on the topic of Katrina and how somebody down there must have done something to cause the hurricane. My other roomie joked it was probably an evangelical , but still...

 

I bit my lip hard enough to taste blood. I'm not kidding. My lip aches now. I wanted to tell them both off that they believed in a moronic sadist of a God if they could believe such a fucked up thing as the death, destruction, pain, and suffering that Katrina brought because their "all loving" God had a hissy fit. God of Love, yeah right.

 

It was like standing in the Twilight Zone. I'm surrounded. I'm glad I can ground in the sanity of this group.

[Seth C Triggs]

Ahhh, God just smites those AYVIL sinners, right? 'cause the problem is obviously New Orleans...

 

Have Gawd explain these church-related accidents:

 

About 10:55 p.m. eastern daylight time on May 14, 1988, a pickup truck traveling northbound in the southbound lanes of Interstate 71 struck head-on a church activity bus traveling southbound in the left lane of the highway near Carrollton, Kentucky. As the pickup truck rotated during impact, it struck a passenger car traveling southbound in the right lane near the church bus. The church bus fuel tank was punctured during the collision sequence, and a fire ensued, engulfing the entire bus. The busdriver and 26 bus passengers were fatally injured. Thirty-four bus passengers sustained minor to critical injuries, and six bus passengers were not injured. The pickup truck driver sustained serious injuries, but neither occupant of the passenger car was injured.

http://www.ntsb.gov/publictn/1989/HAR8901.htm

On May 8, 2001, about 8:57 a.m., central daylight time, a 1993 Dodge Ram 15-passenger van was eastbound on U.S. Route 82 near Henrietta, Texas, en route from Burkburnett, Texas, to an outlet mall in Gainesville, Texas. The driver and 11 passengers, all members of the First Assembly of God Church, occupied the van. As the vehicle approached milepost 538 in the left lane, at a calculated speed of 61 to 67 mph, the left rear tire experienced a tread separation and blowout; subsequently, the van departed the roadway and rolled over at least two times in the median, ejecting seven passengers before coming to final rest. The driver and three of the ejected passengers sustained fatal injuries, and eight passengers sustained serious injuries.

 

On July 1, 2001, about 2:30 p.m., eastern daylight time, a 1989 Dodge Ram 15-passenger van was northbound in the left lane on U.S. Route 220, near Randleman, North Carolina, en route from Myrtle Beach, South Carolina, to Roanoke, Virginia. The van, owned by Virginia Heights Baptist Church of Roanoke, Virginia, was occupied by the driver and 13 passengers, ages 13 to 19. As the vehicle approached the Level Cross, North Carolina, exit, at a witness-estimated speed of 65 mph, the left rear tire experienced a tread separation and blowout; subsequently, the van moved from the left lane into the right lane, then back into the left lane, where it overturned and came to rest in the travel lanes. During the accident sequence, four passengers were ejected, one of whom was fatally injured and three of whom sustained serious injuries; the driver and the other nine passengers sustained injuries ranging from none to serious.

http://www.ntsb.gov/publictn/2003/HAR0303.htm

 

I got a million of 'em!

 

-Seth