tired of going back and forth

[willybilly30]

ever since i found my path wicca and a group i truly feel like i belong iv had problems with fundy freinds and family.

 

the first time my mom found out i was a witch she bawled and said i was going insane and i wasnt normal and too throw all my stuff away. i didnt. my freind seth saw a course i was taking and ripped it up and said this is for your own good. my landlord kicked me outta my apartment for having an alter.

 

my mom said she talked the housing authority into letting me back but i must throw away the witch craft stuff and leave the coven.

 

i did this i threw away probally thousands of dollars worth of ritual stuff, books, and everything. i told the coven i went back too christianity and left.

 

a week later i wrote them saying please forgive me and let me back in i listened too my freinds and mother again......

 

i tell ya.. my freinds have more pateince than i would lol.

 

similar situations have happened a hundred times. why do i let my mom and my freind seth be lord and lady over my life ill never know.

 

my mom has said im insane, im going too hell, im just being wiccan cause my freinds are, theyre gonna eat me.

 

seth said im going too hell, im worshipping satan, its all crap.

 

my freind jim begged me too go too church what i didnt know is that hes a preacher..... what a fun night that was

 

oh and i found out time and time again you cant just visit a church and dissapear theyll find ya at walmart or down the street and ask why you ant going too church.

 

im in a new group now the other one died out cause of a fuss. these people have been nicer too me than any of my christian freinds. they gave me rides too meetings, tools, what ever i needed theyd find it. long story short these people are good people.

 

and sadly they just found out what the other coven did.

 

my christian freinds convinced me i was laid off because god was mad i wasnt christian. my mom was paying my bills and buying me food. i was an emotional wreck. well i go too church i tell my witch freinds im no longer a witch and dont beleave in and am going too church. they kick me out.

 

 

a week later.... im so sorry i let everything get too me and listened too my christian freinds.

 

im back in the group.

 

i told my mom these people never use me abuse me or pity me nver wanna live off me like alot of people their good freinds. and i beleave in what they teach.

 

she said oh i see they kick you out so now your gonna be a witch so theyll be your freind.

 

i said they probally thought i was trying too convert them

 

now she thinks they hate christians among the other things she thinks witches do.

 

i live in a small town were everyones christian exept my group.

 

and stupid preachers say witches cook cats eat babies and worship satan.

 

i been in witchcraft 5 years and never have i cooked a cat, ate a babie and worshipped satan. i dont think any religion really does that i think christians make it up too convert people.

 

the church i went too during my insanity happens too have members at work and who go too walmart who ask why im not going and that they missed me.

 

i was going with my neibors who talked me into it.

 

i feel like saying well i decided too try christianity again and see if its changed any from last time i left it but no it hasnt its still the same ole intolerant crap i was drove away from so i went back too the coven i was in.

 

i know most of yall are atheist but im shure some of yalls had similar problems. how do you deal with freinds and family not liking your path? what about churches wanting u back?

 

my mom wants me too be the good little christian i used too be but i cant it isnt me. too me being christian is foolish because i dont think jesus resurrected from the dead physically anyway, i dont think mary was a virgin and many other things i cant get myself too beleave. so whats the point? why go too church if i dont beleave in the main points of the bible?

 

you know thats what i should be saying too them.

 

but ill get why did you go then? oh you must beleave or you wouldnt go. whyd you throw your stuff away and leave the group bla bla bla.

 

i guess cause seths been like a big brother too me we been freinds since kindergarden and iv always followed him like a puppy on a string. and when i wasnt following him it was my mom i was following.

 

im 30 years old its time too gnaw off the the damn string and do what i want too with my life.

 

man why is all this coming out here. and cant come outta my mouth when seth or my moms around!

[Isak The Newt]

mmm, i dont know much about wicca but shounds like those people are a hell of a lot nicer and dont give you "peer pressure" like xtians, from what you say... O.o

man why is all this coming out here. and cant come outta my mouth when seth or my moms around!

becuase you respect and love this people, and you dont want to drive em away... O.o

[MQTA]

I was going to assume you were 17 or something. 30? Tell them you love them but you need to follow your own path, right or wrong, it's your life and decision to make.

 

It's their FEAR trying to fear you into doing what they want.

[willybilly30]

thats a good way of telling them. and no matter what they say after that i can still say its my decision. i probally wont drive my family away. if i drive my christian freinds away ill get used too them not being around.

[Lizard]

Perhaps you should just take a break from all of it for a while, get a better perspective on both groups.

 

Both groups are basing their acceptance of you on what you believe. If you say you are going back to xtianity, the wiccans toss you out. When you go to wiccan, the xtians "guilt" you into coming back.

 

This is a yoyo life..and not a good, nor psychologically healthy one. I've been in your position, though never wiccan. Its easier to believe in something..with a group, than to be on your own and believe in nothing.

 

Although "believe in nothing" is not quite right, everyone has basic Truths they hold. But, there is no reason to go along with the herd..they might be heading over a cliff

[Guest aexapo]

willybilly;

 

Here's some truth to the situation. Number one, Christians are taught -- incorrectly, I might add -- that wiccans/witches are servants of Satan. You know that, I know that, and any Christian will tell you the same. You can seek a wiccan-truth-crusade path if you want, but something tells me that you're really not in the position to do that right now -- especially since you're depending on others for food and shelter.

 

I quickly looked over your previous posts to get a grasp on where you are. Don't know a lot, so I don't know why you're in your particular financial straits, or why you were on housing.

 

If you want to live an independent life away from the opinions and decisions of others, do what you have to do to be independent. Get a job. Get a place of your own. Get your own means of transportation. It doesn't have to be the best, it just has to be yours.

 

While you remain in your current predicament (living with your mother, etc.), respect her beliefs, and keep yours to yourself. You don't have to go to church, but it's not really saying anything to knock her beliefs when you can't support yourself at 30 years of age. In fact, it does say a lot -- and it isn't very nice.

 

I too thought you were much younger, and I was prepared to give the same piece of advice -- keep your thoughts to yourself until you get out on your own. Don't slap the hand that's feeding you. Do what you need to do for now, and when you're independent, you can say or do what you will.

 

Good luck. Get independent.

[willybilly30]

aexapo wered u get the idea i lived with my mom? i havent lived with her in ten years now their was a point in my life were she had too pay my bills and stuff but that was ongly 3 months this year cause i was laid off.. i seem ongly too be confusing everyone and i really dont mean too. i am independent i pay my bills live in an apartment and work 50 hours a week.

 

lizard you are right i need too think about what i want and beleave.

[Guest aexapo]

aexapo wered u get the idea i lived with my mom? i havent lived with her in ten years now their was a point in my life were she had too pay my bills and stuff but that was ongly 3 months this year cause i was laid off.. i seem ongly too be confusing everyone and i really dont mean too. i am independent i pay my bills live in an apartment and work 50 hours a week. 

 

lizard you are right i need too think about what i want and beleave.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

 

Apologies. I read through your post quickly and made assumptions, probably from the part where you said she was paying your bills. My bad. Again, sorry.

 

I'm glad you seem to be on your feet now -- be the master of your mind as well, and don't give a flying fuck what anybody thinks.

[godlessgrrl]

I'm with Lizard on this one too.

 

It sounds like it might be a good idea to get away from both groups and spend some time thinking about what you really want and what you really believe. Not based on what anybody else thinks or feels, just on what *you* think and feel.

 

Spend enough time doing that, figuring it out - and then stick with it. You can be Xian, or you can be Wiccan, or you can be anything else you want; but bouncing back and forth based on what other people are pressuring you into a) isn't honest, and b ) isn't healthy. Especially for something as important as figuring out what your place in the universe is.

 

You're probably going to reach a place where you have to tell some folks to fuck off. That ain't easy, especially if they tend to throw a shit fit in your face about it. Time alone can be a time to figure out how to stand up to stuff like that.

 

In the end, fuck what anybody else thinks. Life is too short to go through it doing what everybody else thinks you should be doing. F that S, grandma.

 

Good luck. And I'll shut up now.

[a midnight star]

I agree with what everybody else has said.

 

It shouldn't be a question of what religion you want. I feel like it is important to settle things with christianity before you try other religions. Only you can decide whether or not christianity is right for you. Not anybody else. It makes it so much harder to go forward with Wicca if you are undecided on christianity.. You aren't being fair to yourself. This is advice I was given when I quit the church. I didn't listen (I am so very hardheaded) and I regreted it.

 

 

Just relax and listen to yourself. You just may find that no path is the right path for you. It takes time. Don't expect it to just come over night.

 

Best of luck,

Deb

[willybilly30]

true i do need too find my self and what i beleave. then i need too stand up for what i find out.

[willybilly30]

Apologies.  I read through your post quickly and made assumptions, probably from the part where you said she was paying  your bills. My bad.  Again, sorry.

 

I'm glad you seem to be on your feet now -- be the master of your mind as well, and don't give a flying fuck what anybody thinks.

 

thats ok. and your right i should be master of my mind. i should be my own master not anyone else

[Guest vanesa]

I'd consider practicing what YOU want, not what some coven or church tells you to worship. Granted Wicca isn't the best religion in the world but it sure beats the Xtians any day of the week, twice on Sunday. If it was me I'd dump both of those groups and start hanging with people in the real world.

[willybilly30]

I'd consider practicing what YOU want, not what some coven or church tells you to worship. Granted Wicca isn't the best religion in the world but it sure beats the Xtians any day of the week, twice on Sunday. If it was me I'd dump both of those groups and start hanging with people in the real world.

 

i cant do that i love the wiccan group and beleave in alot of it. and they have been better freinds too me than anyone they are true freinds. they ant all wiccan their various stuff i just wanted too simplify it.

 

i think im about ready too dump the christian freinds or atleast just say hey this is me this is what i am accept me or go find a new freind.

[Amethyst]

Figure out what you believe in, then do it.

 

I tried Neopaganism for a short time. I ended up not believing in it because there was no evidence it worked, either. I realized that spells and prayer are pretty much the same thing, except that you pray to god with a different name, or even a different gender, and spells look cooler to the outsider (if they're younger) and freak out the parents (if they're fundy or even just normal clueless parents). IMHO, it's all just wishing very hard that something will happen, but no matter how hard you wish, some things just have to happen on their own time (or not happen at all).

 

At least, if I have kids later in life and they decide to try out Wicca or some other form of Paganism, I'll know that it's nothing to freak out over. Sometimes, you gotta try new things to learn stuff. Forbidding people from trying it will just make them want to try it even more.

[spamandham]

Basic background; you are 30, and financially independent. Skimming through, I didn't see that you have a spouse or children. In other words, the world is your oyster.

 

I'm not sure where you live, but in much of the western world, it would be illegal for your landlord to eject you for having an alter unless it posed some kind of safety hazard or involved damage to the property of some kind. The fact that you have a wiccan alter, or even a satanic alter (I know the two are unrelated) is not a legitimate reason for kicking you out.

 

You must make your own decisions of course, but if I were in your shoes, I would not give a fuck about what others thought regarding my beliefs including my parents, siblings, neighbors, coworkers, ets.

 

I am not in your shoes and still only barely give a fuck what those closest to me think regarding my beliefs (wife and oldest are christian, two youngest are too young to give a crap about imagiunary friends).

 

If you feel most cmfortable as Wiccan, then I suggest do it. However, you mentioned standing up for what you find out; DON'T! As far as metaphysics of any form are concerned, you have no knowledge, just like everyone else. If you stand up in ignorance, you are as guilty as those who accuse you!

 

If you choose to embrace wiccan, then embrace it's key tenant "if it harms none, then do as thou wilt". Standing up for that which is untenable does in fact harm.

[willybilly30]

Basic background; you are 30, and financially independent.  Skimming through, I didn't see that you have a spouse or children.  In other words, the world is your oyster.

 

I'm not sure where you live, but in much of the western world, it would be illegal for your landlord to eject you for having an alter unless it posed some kind of safety hazard or involved damage to the property of some kind.  The fact that you have a wiccan alter, or even a satanic alter (I know the two are unrelated) is not a legitimate reason for kicking you out.

 

You must make your own decisions of course, but if I were in your shoes, I would not give a fuck about what others thought regarding my beliefs including my parents, siblings, neighbors, coworkers, ets. 

 

I am not in your shoes and still only barely give a fuck what those closest to me think regarding my beliefs (wife and oldest are christian, two youngest are too young to give a crap about imagiunary friends).

 

If you feel most cmfortable as Wiccan, then I suggest do it.  However, you mentioned standing up for what you find out; DON'T!  As far as metaphysics of any form are concerned, you have no knowledge, just like everyone else.  If you stand up in ignorance, you are as guilty as those who accuse you!

 

If you choose to embrace wiccan, then embrace it's key tenant "if it harms none, then do as thou wilt".  Standing up for that which is untenable does in fact harm.

 

i dont claim too know the truth when it comes too religion. thats one thing i hate about christianity it claims too know the truth. i hope their is a god and an afterlife.

what religion god might be i dont know and would never claim too know.

[Lizard]

IF there is a god, I don't think he'd "be" a religion..nor would he most likely want this bullshit "worship" and sacrifice.

 

More later..I'm gonna late for work!!