Rosa Mystica Posted May 5, 2006 Share Posted May 5, 2006 Okay, I am quite upset right now. The reason? Ever since I lost my faith, I have been suffering recurring nightmares. I have between one and three per week. The typical theme involves trying to hide the fact that I skip church from my parents. In the dreams, I am frequently coaxed into attending their parish. Not wanting to go, I often find myself running from them- only to be chased by my abusive father. I usually wake up after this part, but didn't two nights ago- I ended up getting physically assaulted by the scumbag. In another dream I had, my mother slapped me in the face after learning that I'd lied to her about my deconversion. I awoke only after she ran off sobbing. And yes, I had a nightmare again last night as well. In this one, my mother gave me a gift of white socks with gold crosses on them (have no idea why!). On the package, I found a post-it note that said something along the lines of, "I know you'll treasure this gift, and I hope you'll treasure your Christian faith enough not to abandon it." And in my head I thought, "It's too late for that, Mom!" What the hell is causing me to have these freakish dreams? Is it simply a manifestation of my anxiety over this issue? And how do I get rid of them? There are times when I dread going to sleep b/c I suspect I'll have one of these nightmares. I know the Christian answer: "God is calling you back to the Catholic Church." And while I have zero respect for this institution, I can't help thinking, "What if...?" Grrr...why must I experience such turmoil?! Okay, vent's done. If anyone has any advice for me, that'd be great. Rosa Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dra_Mucd_Uha Posted May 5, 2006 Share Posted May 5, 2006 I'm not much of a dream expert, but usually these dreams happen because you are concerned about them in your waking life. Do you worry about being wrong often while you are awake? This is just a guess, but worrying about being wrong all the time may be a cause of your nightmares. Perhaps if you tried not to worry about it so much? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rosa Mystica Posted May 5, 2006 Author Share Posted May 5, 2006 I'm not much of a dream expert, but usually these dreams happen because you are concerned about them in your waking life. Do you worry about being wrong often while you are awake? This is just a guess, but worrying about being wrong all the time may be a cause of your nightmares. Perhaps if you tried not to worry about it so much? Yes, I do worry about being wrong in waking life as well. I was okay a few weeks ago, but now I've relapsed into "What if I need to revert despite hating the institution?" type of thinking. As for not worrying, well, I have an anxiety disorder that has proved untreatable so far (my doc has tried many meds). I'm in therapy, and it helps somewhat. Still got a long way to go. I wish I knew if my reaction was normal or not. I grapple with this idea on a frequent basis. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Sage Nabooru Posted May 5, 2006 Share Posted May 5, 2006 Don't worry - they are only dreams, after all. I should know, I figure I am probably the queen of fear-filled fucked-up extremably hateable and unpleasant dreams. (You ever heard of sleep paralysis with hypnogogic hallucinations? It's having a dream, realizing you're dreaming, and trying desperately to wake up and escape, only to find that you can't because your body is paralyzed. Arrggggghhhh!!!!!) What is probably happening here is that the issue about going to church in your dreams and your gift of goofy socks does not merely represent your previous religious faith, but in fact your entire previous life as you knew it. You are now charting out a new course, and you seek the comfort of your previous life. Your parents are not only upset at your rejection of your religious faith but at the "new you" - your rejection of, the "death" of the person they knew. You may feel compelled to join them to church because you feel the desire to revive the "old" you as well, if for no other reason than to return to the relative ease of your former life, when you had, so to speak, all the answers. What to do? I don't know, beyond continuing therapy. But at least you can get an idea of where these dreams come from, and decide whether to go back to the comfort of the Church or remain to set up and stay in a new life. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
godlessgrrl Posted May 5, 2006 Share Posted May 5, 2006 I sometimes have repetitive dreams when I'm trying to work out a major psychological or emotional issue. They go away eventually. Having them doesn't mean Gawd is talking to you or that you should go back. It more likely means you're still processing having left, still processing the change. Yes, it's probably all about dealing with the anxiety about it. It will likely pass in time as you get more comfortable with it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fweethawt Posted May 5, 2006 Share Posted May 5, 2006 I agree with Gwen. It's just your mind's way of dealing with the deconversion. Heck, just about every time that I hear about or see a tornado on television, I have dreams about being in danger of one. And about the "What if?" question... After a while of having that little irk of a question trying to make me second guess myself about leaving the religion, I learned to start asking myself, "What if serpents really talk?". Eventually, I came to realize the ridiculousness of the whole thing. The worry passes in time once you get things sorted out for yourself. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ChristiaNazi Posted May 5, 2006 Share Posted May 5, 2006 It sounds like you have issues with your parents more than with your deconversion. I note that the dreams center around your parents finding out and punishing you or shaming you. It's encouraging to note your dreams aren't about God punishing you. I don't know if coming out about it to them would help. It COULD make it worse before it gets better. Anyway, it sounds as if your issues are based somewhat in letting your parents define you. You need to know that you are OK, that and your decisions are valid. Whether you confront your parents or decide not to, make an agreement with yourself not to be defined by them. Seek some counceling with someone specializing in codependancy issues or abusive childhood issues. If you can't afford counceling there are peer-help groups such as CODA and ACA available in most communities. One word about this, as 12-step felowships these groups WILL have a concept of "Higher Power" in their programs. However you can define that to be what you will, not BibleGod or Catholicism. You'll often hear people there self-described as "Recovering Catholics" in addition to their other issues. Also, if you find you must give in and occasionally attend church with your parents, just remain true to yourself as to why you're doing it - for approval or to avoid conflict, not because you've forsaken your new truth. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lycorth Posted May 5, 2006 Share Posted May 5, 2006 Fwee has a good tack, there - when you start asking yourself "what if...?" just ask yourself about something else that's found in the Babble. What if serpents can talk? Great strategy - and really keeps it all in perspective. To me, Rosa, part of the reason you're having these dreams is because Catholicism was so deeply ingrained in you. Getting rid of something so deeply ingrained takes time, and especially in a relatively sensitive person (which you seem to be). Deeply ingraining a fearful deathcult with teachings riddled with guilt-tripping and paranoia makes for a potential shitstorm to deal with. No one should be taught Xianity, I think, but sensitive, caring people even less. It really fucks with a sensitive person's psyche. Brash and crude people like me can shake that stuff off, but not everyone is as rough as a sandpaper dildo. To me, it would seem that your mind is indeed trying to deal with your conversion and as well trying to deal with the instinctive fearfulness that always helped to keep you in line. Only when you can deeply ingrain into your most inner psyche that Xianity is a ridiculous and sick joke, truly appropriate that and train every possible part of you to understand that fact, will you be able to overcome. And of course, you can do it - just stick it out and hang around us. We've got yer back Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fweethawt Posted May 6, 2006 Share Posted May 6, 2006 Only when you can deeply ingrain into your most inner psyche that Xianity is a ridiculous and sick joke, truly appropriate that and train every possible part of you to understand that fact, will you be able to overcome. And thank you, Obi-wan Varokharbi. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lycorth Posted May 6, 2006 Share Posted May 6, 2006 And thank you, Obi-wan Varokharbi. I try Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fweethawt Posted May 6, 2006 Share Posted May 6, 2006 And thank you, Obi-wan Varokharbi. I try When I read that, I actually felt The Force surrounding, penetrating and binding me together. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lycorth Posted May 6, 2006 Share Posted May 6, 2006 When I read that, I actually felt The Force surrounding, penetrating and binding me together. The Force is strong with me. My Schwartz is pretty impressive, too Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fweethawt Posted May 6, 2006 Share Posted May 6, 2006 My Schwartz is pretty impressive, too It probably WAS, before you turned to The Dark Side. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lycorth Posted May 6, 2006 Share Posted May 6, 2006 It probably WAS, before you turned to The Dark Side. Actually, now it's two-sided, like Darth Maul's lightsaber Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fweethawt Posted May 6, 2006 Share Posted May 6, 2006 Actually, now it's two-sided, like Darth Maul's lightsaber By posting this, you just lost any and all chances of scoring with any of these fine ExC chickies. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lycorth Posted May 6, 2006 Share Posted May 6, 2006 By posting this, you just lost any and all chances of scoring with any of these fine ExC chickies. Unless I get two at once. They can have fun with it. Haven't you ever seen two chicks and a double-dong? And mine glows red Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fweethawt Posted May 6, 2006 Share Posted May 6, 2006 Haven't you ever seen two chicks and a double-dong? No I... I can't say that I have. And mine glows red Yeah -- they'll be trippin' over themselves on the way to your door. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lycorth Posted May 6, 2006 Share Posted May 6, 2006 No I... I can't say that I have. Man, you ain't lived, then Yeah -- they'll be trippin' over themselves on the way to your door. Hey, whatever gets 'em off their feet BTW, is it right that we derail Rosa's thread just so you can talk about my penis? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dibby Posted May 6, 2006 Share Posted May 6, 2006 Hi Rosa Here is something that may help, or it may not. You have ended up feeling abused by the religion you once loved. This could be manifesting in your dreams as parents (those who are meant to nuture us) abusing you, and you are scared because you are doing something brave and coming away from rigid old beliefs. When you have time to be quiet , in your mind revisit the dream in all its detail, but this time you conciously write the script. Stand up assertively to your abusive dream parents and tell them how its gonna be from now on. What you are doing is facing your fear. "See" them grow smaller and smaller until they just scurry away. You get the drift, you take back control. Every time you have a scary dream go through the same procedure. Hope this is of help Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Sage Nabooru Posted May 7, 2006 Share Posted May 7, 2006 Pfft. Varokhar's force is nothing compared to my Spidey Sense. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lycorth Posted May 7, 2006 Share Posted May 7, 2006 Pfft. Varokhar's force is nothing compared to my Spidey Sense. If you can make my fiancee turn red like I do, then I'll concede to that Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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