I grew up in a Lutheran family in Denmark. My parents were good Lutherans, going to the Lutheran government church every Sunday and to meetings once or twice during the week in the Lutheran Mission. It was a conservative not charismatic church, but well-grounded, where the mantra was “Sin and Grace”.
People were not very outgoing and didn’t evangelise a lot. It was common to feel embarrassed about the belief (in Denmark Christians are not very common). Speaking in tongs, healing and so on, was not used as it could lead us away from the true belief in: “Sin and Grace”.
When I was about 11, I realized that my faith was very weak. I remember that I was crying in desperation. I told my mom who helped me to understand that it wasn’t important to present a big faith, but just important to have the however little faith - in Jesus. When I look back, I consider myself becoming a personal Christian at that point. All my childhood I attended all the usual Christian stuff.
Through my youth I often felt like I was missing something in my Christianity. So my hunger for “more God” grew, and lead me to smuggle bibles, prayer meetings, evangelizing etc. I also went to a Disciple Training School with YWAM. I “advanced” to the Pentecostals and my favourite book was “No Compromise” with Keith Green.
At some point in my youth, I thought that if only God would allow me to speak in tongs or to cast out demons, then I would get that strong faith in God I were wishing so much for. I thought that speaking in tongs would be something very magical, and I prayed persistently to God to give me the spiritual gift. But nothing happened; my mouth didn’t start moving by itself speaking in a secret language to God! It was only when I later on got to hear people from the charismatic church that I learned to speak in tongs, but to my disappointment it wasn’t magic.
Anyway, I concluded to myself that it was easier to believe that God is real than to believe that everything came into being uncontrolled by the Big Bang. I had learned about the “proof by scientists” of irreducible complexity, and that the chance of life appearing by itself was as likely as if we trough a bomb in a scrapyard and a complete boring 747 came to being by the explosion. So there were no alternative. - Believing in God was the only reasonable thing to do! I also learned that to believe and follow Jesus was a choice and not a feeling.
As the years passed by, I started to accept that the magical things, I wished for, wasn’t the goal in life, but the goal was to serve God. Then I could serve God with what I was good at, and that made a lot of sense to me. I learned not to envy people, who experienced the supernatural, and instead be happy on their behalf, and even cling to those claims as good evidence for God in action.
I had some good years serving God together with my wife doing what we felt God wanted us to do. I was quite confident in my faith and really convinced that the purpose of my life was to serve God by serving people in need. We were very thankful to God for everything good in life. And all the challenges were never too much, because “nothing could take us out of the hand of God”- and that were the only thing that really mattered.
I was actually having it very fine with the style of Christianity we were practising. In a way we were radical, by being out on “mission” helping poor and needy people. But in what we were doing we were rather living by examples than being outgoing evangelizing, and provoking people. We would willingly “sacrifice” our own lives in term of personal income, security, time and money.
Every evening my wife and I would pray together, and mainly thanking God for our lives and family and friends and pray for guidance to do Gods will. Reading the bible we would mainly focus on passages which were making sense, and just accept that some part of the Bible didn’t make sense to us.
However, all along, there were some major issues in the Bible I tried to ignore, but I never used to settle with them. It was some of the stories in the Old Testament. Being a rational person I just couldn’t make sense of taking the story of Creation and Noah’s Ark literally. A whole load of things becomes unexplainable if the world and/or people have only existed for 6-10,000 years. I would have to hang to my belief in an almighty God, who could have created the whole universe with all events in history and all our memories; for just one second ago. I guess that most Christians just accept the answer to the difficult questions: “Well, God did it!” and add: “How would we expect to know and understand how God did it anyway, since we are just his creation; the creation doesn’t understand the creator!”
For about a year ago something started to change. I became hungry in knowing more about The Evolution Theory and to know more of the evidence for and against it. Fortunately our internet connection had become better than it used to be, and I could enjoy a number of videos from Youtube. After some time of research I was baffled in realizing that there is no evidence whatsoever against the Evolution Theory, and that the evidence for it, is indisputable. Common descent is a Fact! Now everything began to make sense and it was great. But, I was also in shock! What about Christianity? Does Christianity make sense? It seemed that Christianity and Evolution theory was not compatible! I found that Catholics and Biologos and a few other Christians claim to believe that Evolution and Christianity are compatible! I had never before heard of any Christian believing that we evolved from a common ancestor to apes! None.
I started debating on at Danish Christian website. In the beginning the hosts were open for the Evolution vs. Christianity debate. But after some time the host got tired of the Science and the critical debate, and stopped it. And in a way I understand them. Because Common descent is a fact, and that doesn’t match with the Bible! So the debate is harming Christianity.
When starting debating I had an open mind as someone asking questions. As someone who had come into serious doubt about the God I was raised to believe in. As I was debating and didn’t get some real sensible arguments for Christianity my faith fainted and disappeared completely. Begin to trim the Bible by cutting away everything that contradict with real facts, and you will find yourself with no Bible! If the Bible is false, then what is Christianity?
My wife is a very good wife. And the worse part of my de-conversion is that I feel like letting her down. This was not what she signed up for. I was trapped. I could not keep my word. It was devastating to see my wife was crying when she realized what was going on. But when we got married 8 years ago I had no clue whatsoever that this would happen. I was very sure that I should serve Jesus the rest of my life, and live with Him in Heaven for eternity! If you are a Christian and reading this, I can guaranty you: This is not happening because I am rebellious or something like that. I really wished that Christianity was true. I was a real Christian for 26 years! This is happening because I am now convinced of the fact; that Christianity is not true, and it doesn’t matter how many good things one can mention about Christianity – It doesn’t make it true!
This video nailed it for me (it is long): http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pQdkt_JkJQQ
My wife is still a Christian, but she also has her doubts, I try not to pressurise her too much and I try to give her the time she need to figure it out - just giving her some hints now and again. So we still go to church and so on. And even that I feel like screaming it out, I am still mostly keeping my de-conversion for myself.
I am very sure that most of my Christian friends and Family will be very surprised and shocked when they find out that I have become an Atheist. I am unsure about how many of my Christian friends I will remain when they find out. But I am very sure that the God of the Bible does not exist. And there is no other god. I am an Atheist, and I don’t want to pretend something else to keep my friends. I prefer real friends whom I can be honest to.
When I was a Christian I always felt privileged that serving God gave me real meaning in life, and I couldn’t imagine any real meaning apart from God. But I was also wrong about that. Without God I still have plenty of meaning in life, and I feel very fortunate and thankful to have this life. Life is bliss.
If you have made it all the way to here; thank you for reading, and sorry for bad English.
And thank you for this site, making it less lonely to be me :-)