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Showing content with the highest reputation on 08/04/2018 in all areas

  1. 2 points
    I saw this online a little while ago and it really spoke to me: <https://kiddy.org.uk/i-love-you-from-the-perspective-of-a-narcissist/> I've had personal bitter experiences with people I later realized were narcissists, and I think the discussion belongs were in ex-christian.net because I believe narcissism and toxic Xianity go hand-in-in-hand. Think about it - an all powerful - all confident being who promises everything and delivers nothing and it's always your fault, and somehow, albeit the supposed all-powerfulness of this entity, it is insecure enough to judge you largely on whether you validate his existence and power through perpetual self-flagelation on your part. Many pastors and authoritarian believers are narcissists - which I think is no accident. The belief system, taken in a certain way, becomes validation and rationalization for this kind of behavior. A scary part of this is that I personally couldn't identify the individuals as narcissists until many years later (although I knew *something* was wrong with them), because they trained me so well to admire them and defend them and rationalize every bad decision they made, I did so even *after* I came to disagree with their beliefs. When I explained their behavior to sane, kind individuals many years later it was almost completely obvious - these narcissists didn't ultimately care about anything more than elevating themselves. When such individuals are as close to you as family members, it's not so simple as dismissing them and cutting them away. It took a lot of work for me to understand what they are, why they do things, and how to move along in a way that was safe for me. Good boundaries and good emotional support really helped with this. I once thought it was my problem for not being able to forgive them... but someone really close to me once said "Are you forgiving who they say they are or are you forgiving who they actually are?". Self-deception is not forgiveness, and it's important to be honest with ourselves about who certain people are, in actuality, in order to move on. Anyways, I'm curious as to what kinds of experiences other X-Xians have had with narcissism, as I suspect it's not an unusual situation for us. -DT
  2. 2 points
    Yes, a lot. I had a roomie that rarely saw anything wrong with his own behavior, would get into my room and go through my stuff (likely looking for porn that wasn't there) to the point of removing insulation from my windows and putting it back sloppily. He'd had other roomies accuse him previously and he said to me "You don't believe I'd do that, do you?" I've learned over time that people who say that are typically guilty and looking for an ego boost. And sometimes even normal Christians are told to become more invasive in the personal lives of others. I had multiple ones try to prevent me from marrying my wife (now of 20 years) because "she isn't ready, god wants her to be single, and we need to "counsel" her for more years until she sees how holy we are and maybe becomes married to one of us". All that last bit was silent, but I pushed one until he admitted he was attracted to her. My narcissist roomie above actually sent me a card saying I wasn't ready to get married, that I was violent, blah blah blah. I didn't give into his manipulation, so he constantly tried to gaslight me in the eyes of others that I was some kind of nut case. They even wrote to our marriage counselor trying to get him to stop the marriage. He told us that we were one of the more mature couples he'd ever known, and the letter was bizarre to him. It was a cult, and the church started taking steps to disband it. It started as a singles group, but became an oddly uber-fundy group. Glad we moved to a different city and eventually out of church completely.
  3. 1 point
    I agree with your assessment. Interestingly, many denominations accuse other denominations of being authoritarian. My protestant father, for example, discussed the authoritarianism of Catholicism, probably referring to their institutional authority. He paraded his brand of Protestantism as a self-directed, critically thought approach to Xianity, and encouraged me to read the bible and come to my own conclusions about the true teachings of the bible. I did read the bible, and came to my own conclusions, but as it turned out he resented me unless I came to the exact same conclusions as him (which, apparently, I didn't). So, basically, it was about his own theological authority, and the call for me to think for myself was all pretense. I think in a similar vain many authoritarians don't think of themselves as authoritarians, they just think they happen to be lucky enough to be more right than anyone else, and that other people are morally and intellectually questionable if they don't see that. Scripture in many ways functions as background static that can be rearranged in a multitude of ways to rationalize a pre-existing authoritarian belief on the pretense of scriptural authority. A claim of Revelation is in many ways a last-resort copout that uses one's absolute self-confidence as a blunt-instrument for perpetuating their beliefs in an emotion-driven manner.
  4. 1 point
    Wow. That takes a lot of balls to admit. Cudos! I myself have worked through many narcissistic tendencies that I probably inherited by imitating my parents as a child, and I agree with you about the influence of the social context for men. Sometimes people develop a personality type because that's the only template they've been presented with.
  5. 1 point
    Many Narcissists have a honed in ability to outwardly perform sociability or kindness in order to get something specific or otherwise achieve a good reputation from people (in order to get something from them). It's only when they don't want anything from you (and that person believes there's little chance he/she will in the future) that you start to see their true colors. The result is that people who peripherally know the narcissists I know in a social or professional context often believe he's a really nice person, but it's actually a performance.
  6. 1 point
    The Christian religion, in essence, is based on a recipe of scripture, authority and revelation. Each component can become quite addictive for certain personalities. The scripture element provides a written source of claimed truth and encourages the believer to "accept" or "interpret" that text either (i) as stated by another believer (see authority, next) or (ii) as desired with whatever pre-existing apologetics, logical fallacies, lies and misrepresentations are available. The believer uses the scripture to claim truth, knowledge, righteousness, among other things, all under the shortcut scam called "faith". The authority element trains believers to accept someone else's claims, written or oral, with admonishment for any use of skepticism, critical thinking or original thought. The indoctrination of the authority element is quite prevalent and pervasive. Failure to adhere to this authority is punishable in various ways. The revelation element allows believers and proselytizers to escape from reality, avoid rational challenges and feel self-important by pretending to receive special information to which others cannot have access.
  7. 1 point
    I can't say I've come across too many narcissistic Christian's, but then I probably have and I never knew how to identify that behaviour. My step mother always says to me " You've got love yourself" yeah go fuck yourself bich!
  8. 1 point
    I totally agree. I am a recovering narcissist of sorts, made much worse by Christianity. We men get especially groomed into narcissism: our wives were created for us, we are their "head", etc Also, Christianity teaches you will live forever, elevating the ego further.
  9. 1 point
    I dont know if its narcissism, but anyone who actually believes that god took the time to "bless them" with an awesome parking spot at Walmart or to make sure it didn't rain on their wedding day, if they really examine their line of thinking, how does that not appear supremely egotistical? Meanwhile there are entire continents of people suffering and dying without any intervention from god. Yet Christians refuse to see the injustice in this.
  10. 1 point
    Many aspects of Christianity, as well as many other religions, enable those with grandiose or narcissist propensities.
  11. 1 point
    Acquaintances: “I appreciate your kind gesture.” Friends and family: “That is your prerogative- I respect your beliefs too.” Close friends: “Please pray for another free taco day at T.B. while you’re at it!”
  12. 1 point
    "Those who believe in the power of prayer would have no reason to announce their prayers. The fact that you feel compelled to tell me that you're praying for me makes me question how much you yourself really trust the efficacy of prayer."
  13. 1 point
    ^ This is what I do. I usually just "take the high road" and say thanks. I am super nice and polite and usually say I appreciate the sentiment. Then I put a hex on them later.
  14. 1 point
    Just nod your head and say okay. Once this acquaintance realizes how futile that prayer was, it will only serve to slightly compromise their own faith. Sometimes you don't have to do anything except carry on as usual.
  15. 1 point
    Man, learning to not say anything when it could only be detrimental is hard.
  16. 1 point
    There is a saying, "Two hands working gets more done than 12 hands praying." I had a very serious medical diagnosis which I revealed to some close family. They said they'd pray for me. I said what they could do is vote for politicians who support stem cell research, which their brand of Christianity opposes. I got a rather cold stare in return. I probably should have just said, "Thank you for your concern." When dealing with those you don't care about offending (i.e. street preachers), some folks say, "And I'll think for you."
  17. 1 point
    You can't, they're going to pray regardless of what you say. I'd say in response "I don't know how you can pray thing's away, I'd rather do something than sit on my arse and pray"
  18. 1 point
    Sometimes I go with a flat "thank you" and a smile. I mean... it's kind of disingenuous of them to use the pretense of prayer as a veiled criticism... but it doesn't do any harm to me as a person and in a lot of ways it's their horribly awkward way of saying "We care about you". Also it's exhausting to correct or attempt to enlighten every person's passing weird semi-blessing.
  19. 1 point
    When Christians tell me they're going to pray for me or I hear them make a comment about praying for someone whose been in an accident or fell ill, I usually respond with something like "well thank you, but if you really want to help how about actually doing something, maybe cook them a meal. You know, really go out of your way for a change"
  20. 1 point
    How about: "Thanks for the thought. Instead, I would prefer if you would spend that time doing a kindness to someone else, such as helping an old person in or out of their car, talking to a homeless person for a moment or smiling at a young child in the store."
  21. 1 point
    That's strange. Satan made no real specific promises to me about my current life. I know he no specific rules or anything. He said things would be really great after I died. I get to fight in a kick-ass war with his enemies and then live forever with him in his personal kingdom. Guaranteed. He wasn't going to judge me or anything. I signed up immediately. Where else can you get such an offer? mwc
  22. 1 point
    He has a better plan for you! Just trust him.....
  23. 1 point
    Hey, @megasamurai, Mrs MOHO was of the mindset that I deconverted so I could enjoy the things that xtianity forbade. She got an earful for about an hour the night I came out - the second time around - of the real reasons I have for leaving the fold. She listened. She had the usual replies but she listened. Now I am showing her, each and every day, that, aside from not attending church, I am the same person I have always been. My political beliefs have not changed, I'm not hanging out with swingers, I don't eat babies, I'm not championing the plight of the disenfranchised-gay-baby whales, and I have significantly cut back on the number of kittens I drown on Tuesday nights. I think we all need to make a consorted effort to appreciate that the fundies in our lives may be frequently bombarded by those seeking to keep them in the fold and just be as nice and pleasant as is reasonable. I'm not saying be a pollyanna or Mr./Ms Congeniality. Just don't be pricks or pricketts and maybe, just maybe, they will begin to question those who would turn them against us for their own personal benefit.
  24. 1 point
    I'm still waiting for that, myself!
  25. 1 point
    I deconverted because Satan promised me great wealth and power... lying bastard!