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Showing content with the highest reputation on 11/21/2018 in all areas

  1. 3 points
    All my life I was indirectly told others' needs are greater than my own. My family needs me to conform. My church needs me to conform. And above all, god needs me to conform. My needs didn't come first, it was all about being a good believer, and serving god, and others, and then myself. I hurt my family immensely by leaving the church. But guess what - I did not have the responsibility of sparing them this, as I was taught all my life. My needs were greater, finally. And I was allowed to act on them, to become who I really am, finally. It's normal and acceptable to have needs. One shouldn't have to kill off an essential part of yourself to serve an invisible being, and others. The number one harm the church will do to you, is that it teaches you to ignore your own needs, and that if you're human, and struggling, and need to put your own needs first, that it's wrong.
  2. 3 points
    All the extremes are shooting themselves in the foot. I understand that some female celebrities are pulling away from the MeToo movement because high profile Muslim members and others are supporting openly anti-semitic Louis Farrakhan. Feminists can't stand Transwomen because that sort of "dilutes" feminism. White progressives claim white people are racist without apparently looking in the mirror. The MeToo movement wants every accusation to be accepted as fact despite the actual fact that humans can lie - even women - and because of that, due process is absolutely essential. And a female Latino(a?) manager of a Chipotle restaurant is fired for telling black men (known to "dine and dash") that they must pay first before receiving food! Wait, she's female and Latina - how can she be racist? How can you fire a woman that has achieved a level of power sought after by feminists? Where are the feminist activists crying foul? I don't know which "victim" I'm supposed to advocate for here. It's completely insane and I don't know whether to laugh or cry!?!
  3. 2 points
    No, I am not a "godly" person at all, as you put it, and I don't use that kind of terminology because I'm an atheist. I would call myself a person with empathy who doesn't believe in harming people, who strives to treat others like I would like to be treated. There can certainly be both as you put it...look out for the interests of others as well as yourself. That does not however mean I am obligated the put the interests of others before myself. The boundary lies where I start to suffer myself as a result of doing so. As for Paul, I have nothing positive to say about that misogynistic chauvinist whose doctrines determined much of my life in a "Pauline" church, so you'll have to excuse my gag reflex every time he is mentioned.
  4. 2 points
    Thank you so much for your help and opinion. It is not easy but it is life and sometimes things don't work and it is better for them not to work..
  5. 2 points
    Oh and what about the trans folk that think people should date them no matter what their preference is? Gawd! I need to go to bed. Goodnight!
  6. 2 points
    She and her family are part of an old cult called Christianity. Most on this website spent years believing just as strongly as they do. The religion defines reality for the believer, and literally everything else takes a back seat or no seat at all. Romantic relationships are strictly governed by the cult, and serious believers really don't want anyone who doesn't echo back the same beliefs. Fear of making god angry is paramount to a believer. (When they are evangelizing, they typically emphasize love and mercy, but once you are in it becomes mostly fear of making god angry, sadness that you already did, weeping over "sins", looking for mercy again and again, followed by periods of happy and joyful, then repeat). To a serious believer, you are just a devil trying to lure them away from god. They really do see it that way. There are LOTS of females available that are not part of a cult. I'm like you in that I tend to throw my heart in first, then try to make it work. But that is backwards, as I've learned after doing it many times (in church and out). Learn to make yourself attractive and you will draw females to you. All other animals know to do this during their mating seasons, but many times human males are clueless that they need to take care of their bodies, dress appropriately to whatever social circle you are part of, and treat women as people first, and move towards romance after attracting her. Get involved with others doing things you like, take dance lessons, do creative things that get you around women. Most of all, be yourself instead of putting on an image of something you aren't, or else you'll get tired of playing games pretty fast (and they see through it anyway).
  7. 1 point
    Auckland pride has banned police in uniforms from marching to show support for the LGBT community.... *facepalm* So you are banning people who might want to support you because they are wearing the 'wrong clothes'. What are you... a fucking religion? https://www.newshub.co.nz/home/new-zealand/2018/11/auckland-pride-parade-loses-support-over-uniformed-police-ban.html So much smh in this one. Good on the Rainbow trust for pulling funding from Auckland pride.
  8. 1 point
    I think it was in the 1990's that the University of Memphis did a study on the New Madrid line and concluded a major earthquake was inevitable and long overdue. Insurance companies took the study seriously and stopped offering earthquake coverage for Homeowners policies in many areas of the state.. I've got 38 years experience in the insurance business. I've been amazed that insurers did not stop writing homeowners insurance in high risk fire areas a long time ago in California. This latest fire apparently woke them up. I saw in the news today insurers will stop offering homeowners insurance in areas subsepable to wild fires. Once that starts I expect it to spread rapidly to other areas of the State. Companies cannot not stay in business if they continue to have total losses like they have been experiencing. The state will probably have to form Risk Pools, like they do for wind damage coverage and floods on the East Coast and Gulf States. This coverage will likely be unaffordable for a lot of people.
  9. 1 point
    They also don't support the concept of the Bible being the absolute unabridged word of God - otherwise it would be CLEAR!
  10. 1 point
    I’ve watched a lot of Bart Ehrman’s videos and interviews with him, I like him. Though I note he says it wasn’t his scholarly research that led him to lose his faith but the problem of suffering. Carrier I feel more wary of, but probably only because he’s the kind of atheist I’m used to hearing being spoken about very negatively. Thoughts I’m trying to hold onto are that we can’t ultimately help what we believe (and if our capacity for thought and reason come from God then how can we be at fault if they lead us not to believe), there’s a lack of evidence about Jesus outside of the bible (as well as lots of other problems with other biblical content), the numerous different denominations and interpretations of the bible don’t support the idea of God wanting to reveal himself to us and the fact that I’ve always found God to be silent - so even if I was willing to accept subjective experience over reason and evidence, I can’t because I’ve not really had any.
  11. 1 point
    Godly, like drowning all of humanity in a great flood, for example?
  12. 1 point
    I think she's joking since the YouTube category is comedy. If she's not then I hope she's good in bed. mwc
  13. 1 point
    It won't be easy for you at first, for sure, but it will eventually get better. The "unequally-yoked" thing ruins a lot of relationships!
  14. 1 point
    Imaginary beings dont need to be judged. How do we know he is good then? Dont engage with these people. Logic is not part of their weaponry.
  15. 1 point
    "It would help if you could actually demonstrate gods existence for a start"....
  16. 1 point
    Consider informing your father of your chosen boundaries well before Christmas in writing (e.g., via e-mail). That way there's an opportunity for discussion and agreement before the holiday. Save the "my house...my rules and my children...my rules" retorts unless and until you absolutely have to use them. Also, instead of focusing on the religious aspects, you could focus on drawing specific boundaries around such things as bigotry, hate, xenophobia (and other phobias) and fear-mongering (if your father exhibits them).
  17. 1 point
    On a side note: I remember my first x-mass as an atheist. Mrs. MOHO asked if I would at least go to church xmas eve with her. I said "No." Not "I don't feel well." or "I'm too tired." or "I'll stay here and guard the xmas tree." (We don't have one.') Just...."No." I felt kinda bad after that so, when she was gone, I placed a star and a couple of those colored ball thingys on a fake palm tree in the living room. When she got home we both laughed our asses off over a glass of holiday cheer.
  18. 1 point
    Most of our central coast (a lot of the coast actually) is military. And we have a lot of park land. Trump compared us to Finland. He says they rake. They do not. Their situation is different than ours. Besides that it would nearly a quarter trillion dollars just to take care of the federal land in our state alone. Are you willing to help pay for that? Just because Trump proposed it? Just to do it and ignoring all of the other factors that exist here that cause major fires? When I visited places like the Carolina's I noticed how different the landscape was from where I lived. Land management there would not work well here. mwc
  19. 1 point
    I say the coverage sucks meaning there were a lot of restrictions as to when the coverage actually kicked in. When I last shopped around (which was a number of years ago) my house could have considerable damage, literally tens of thousands (including things like chimney, wall and even foundation damage), and the policy would still not start to cover. I don't recall the specifics but it almost took a total knock-down before I started to see anything. I don't recall anything from Lloyds but, again, it has been awhile. I've been planning on checking on all the offerings again to see if there have been any changes since I don't like being uncovered. mwc
  20. 1 point
    I'm not sure why you think the coverage sucks it only covers earthquake. The premiums are high because the potential for loss is also statistically high. Lloyds of London offered a reasonably priced stand alone policy when I was still active in the business. Policies like that have to be purchased through a Independent Agent that has a brokerage contract with Lloyds or access to Lloyds through a Excess & Surplus lines broker. Obviously the the price varies depending on the location of the home & it's insured value. Most people choose your option though and opt for no coverage. If you aren't financially able to rebuild your home, or fix the damage, you are not self insuring. You are gambling that an EQ won't happen and the odds are probably in your favor.
  21. 1 point
    Even if they did fix the problem I seriously doubt insurance companies would offer coverage in forested areas again. The risk is simply to high and premiums would be unaffordable. Companies cannot withstand thousands of total losses in each event and stay in business, especially when many of these losses are multimillion dollar homes. Like I said, I'm amazed they didn't stop writing homeowners insurance in these areas a long time ago. The other issue is that potential homeowners can't get a mortgage if they can't find coverage for their home. People are already leaving California in somewhat significant numbers due to the high cost of living, this isn't going to help that problem.
  22. 1 point
  23. 1 point
    I would've loved to be a witness to this. I would've stood there and laughed at the guy. Then if I was single, I'd ask her out afterwards.
  24. 1 point
    Ok, I seem to be on a rant - sorry! I’m better with words than numbers, but let me see if I can calculate that last one out. He is black and a man. Being black makes him a victim automatically (+1), but being a man makes him an oppressor (-1). However, since being black negates his male oppressiveness, he shouldn’t lose that point, so he gets a victim rating of 1. She is female and Latina. Each of those gets a point for sexism and racism, so she gets a 2. Wait, his name sounds vaguely Muslim, so presuming he is a Muslim to some degree, he gets a point, so now they’re even. But wait again! She could be an immigrant or the child of an immigrant, giving her another point! And did the story mention he had spent time in prison? If so, he was undoubtedly there only because he is a black man, giving him another point for racism . . . Do they actually do this in their heads when deciding who to advocate for!?!
  25. 1 point
    Christianity is an obsessive compulsive disorder for some people. I'm glad you didn't allow yourself to get sucked into that belief system. Some people like you need things to make sense. While others like her and her parents need to have someone think for them. Something good came of all this, though. You learned that some religious people are bonkers. I bet it will be one of your first questions with the next person you date. So, onward and upward!
  26. 1 point
    I agree that you dodged a bullet. Some people are just assholes, and many of them are Christians. I know "the heart wants what it wants" but she is totally inappropriate for someone like you, someone who thinks, someone who is an equal. Rejoice in your good fortune and carry on.
  27. 1 point
    You dodged a bullet. Several folks here are unequally yoked and that creates a lot of problems in their relationship.
  28. 1 point
    You'll find many of our names have origins in different languages. Examples would be Jewish names but that doesn't make the person Jewish any more than having the name Matthew, Luke or Paul makes you a Christian. I'm not sure what connection you can draw between a persons name given at birth and any belief later on, unless they do a Sinead O Connor and convert and intentionally change their name that is clearly related to that conversion. Also Muhammad Ali springs to mind. Interesting to note that genetically he is half 'white', but we refer to him as African American, or black or whatever when those labels don't reflect the genetic reality. We pick what 'race' a person belongs to based on one very small part of their overall being - skin colour. Aren't we humans funny? And according to Wikipedia: Also: So his Marxist stuff seems to work.... we should adopt it whole hog!
  29. 1 point
    I've been on one. Never again. If it doesn't have a steering wheel and a brake pedal, I'm not getting in or on it.
  30. 1 point
  31. 1 point
    "Mohammedanism is a militant and proselytizing faith" Oh the irony. Oh how we forget history. All the Abrahamic religions are militant and proselytising. Christianity had an enlightenment. Hopefully Islam does. However Christianity took around 1700 years to have said enlightenment. Islam is only around 1400 years old. It also possibly needs its "new testament" that creates a "new covenant" that largely does away with the old one. "All religions are bad, but they are not all bad in the same way" Christopher Hitchens referring to why he attacked Islam more fervently than Christianity.
  32. 1 point
    Thank you. It helped so much that we went to group therapy together for a few months. He watched the cracks in my faith form and saw the changes in me. More importantly,he grasped how crucial it was to be there and love me unconditionally.
  33. 1 point
    Wow, I wish I had done it this way. My heartbreak decided to come out as "fuck Jesus, fuck my christian family, fuck anybody who wants to throw down right now" panicked, rushing, "need-to-know-the-answers-right-now" way. I'm so proud of how you handled this!!!
  34. 1 point
    Could it be Psalm 82? 1God presides in the great assembly; he renders judgment among the “gods”: 2“How long will you a defend the unjust and show partiality to the wicked? b 3Defend the weak and the fatherless; uphold the cause of the poor and the oppressed. 4Rescue the weak and the needy; deliver them from the hand of the wicked. 5“The ‘gods’ know nothing, they understand nothing. They walk about in darkness; all the foundations of the earth are shaken. 6“I said, ‘You are “gods”; you are all sons of the Most High.’ 7But you will die like mere mortals; you will fall like every other ruler.” 8Rise up, O God, judge the earth, for all the nations are your inheritance.
  35. 1 point
    Sometimes our needs just genuinely are more important than others; because none of us is perfect and all of us, at times, are vulnerable. There's nothing selfish in that. It's just part of the human experience. Deconversion would set you free from this kind of guilt, End3.
  36. 1 point
  37. 1 point
    I've heard the "relationship" described by a psychologist as something termed an "introject", a survival aspect of our minds that creates a virtual parent when we are children. That virtual parent speaks with the imaginary voice of the actual parent to remind the child of warnings the actual parent gave. If the parent said "Don't go out in the jungle alone, there are tigers that will eat you" this comes back in the form of an imaginary parent relating similar things and helps the child survive when the parent isn't actually there. So when believers are told "Don't do _____ because DEMONS and TORTURE IN FLAMES", the virtual god shakes his finger at them for normal things like lust, anger, ambition, and so on. I remember having arguments with this virtual god over "sin". Almost all believers have this internal friend/sadist/parent-figure which they think is the holy spirit. It isn't. It is a misprogrammed survival area of the mind doing what it naturally does, trying to keep us out of harm. Our minds can seem to have multiple personalities simultaneously, and we tend to only notice this when someone manifests them outwardly. I've noticed it while doing introspection about my own desires and motivations. Authors of novels often say that their characters seem to take on a life of their own, even correcting the author about storylines or suggesting a better angle. The mind is a fascinating thing, and humans made their place in the world by having minds that are great at abstractions like this. Abstraction also gave us language, math, science, philosophy, and sadly religions in the thousands.
  38. 1 point
    I can see it fracturing a personality into two parts: An unattainable ideal, and a being so flawed from birth that there's no way to reach the ideal. That is a recipe for psychological disaster.
  39. 1 point
    Having some "insight", or basic understanding of who you are is healthy, but that doesn't sound like what your religion was promoting. From what you describe, it sounds like they were attempting to develop "robots", not healthy human beings. Sounds like you are developing some good insights. This is a good place to find encouragement and information. HANG IN THERE!
  40. 1 point
    I don't view it as though I had a relationship with myself, I had a false relationship with a made up being. In the movie Castaway Hanks' character had a relationship with himself because Wilson was a personification of himself, and all of Wilson's thoughts and personality came directly from his own mind. In Christianity, god and jesus' characters are already fabricated in the Bible. I think we did hear our own thoughts when we thought God was speaking to us, so in that aspect yes, we were listening to ourselves. But for the most part I don't think it was myself that I had a relationship with. I'm actually just getting to know myself lately, having been dx autistic and ADD last year at age 36 and this year losing my religion (insert REM song here). If anything, I feel like my own personality has been shoved down over the years with all the "be like Jesus" crap.
  41. 1 point
    Hi, I don't want to duplicate the great responses the others have given, I will just say that giving human characteristics to natural occurrences (to anthropomorphize a thing) is very common. Things that we don't understand we automatically assign human qualities to. Where does rain/lightning/babies/wind/tides/life etc come from? If we don't know then god or at least a superior intelligence is surely the answer. Its god of a gaps for natural phenomenon and it retracts each time our knowledge increases to show the natural cause. Lightning could be Zeus or it could be particle physics in the clouds. The tides could be Neptune or it could be the effects of gravity on water. The gaps for god to fill have reduced to just the most distant and hard to answer questions such as where did the universe come from? With a 100% track record of god never being the correct answer, I would suggest that there was a natural process for that too.
  42. 1 point
  43. 1 point
    You know? You just said what I have struggled to put into words since my deconversion. Your post covers one of the "kernels of doubt" that we've talked about on this forum before. I am in the "bible beltish" part of the South in the US and am surrounded by the types of the conservatives that espouse the values you mentioned. Nothing wrong with them, of course, but you are SO correct that they don't really match up with the bible and what Jesus taught. Just own your values, stop getting Jesus mixed in with them. Where I live, you'd think taxes were straight from the pit of hell. The more I thought about this "hatred of having some money taken," the more I realized (at the time, still Christian) that I was serving "the wrong master," or living for money. That's what did it for me. I started thinking to myself, "I mean, apparently I need to let everyone else deal with their own problems. It's just that Jesus wants me to care for those who need it, who are in poverty." Or "Why do I have such a problem with taxes? I live in a civilized (most days) society, we need roads and police, and there ARE people who are working their butts off and can't make ends meet." or "So many people I know are so harsh on gay people, but then turn around and celebrate all these second marriages right after divorce, thought God wasn't okay with that either." I started realizing that maybe not all conservative values were compatible with scripture, which led to me feeling pretty duped. I thought at first that surely, since god is never wrong, that perhaps I needed to reexamine various political values and adjust accordingly. But that's when I started noticing how much I'd rather hang out with "heathen" non believers because they were so much less judgmental and, most times, so much more giving. I'm fairly moderate now, but ask my liberal friends and they'd swear I'm a conservative, ask my conservative friends and I'm a flamin liberal.
  44. 1 point
    What's even more interesting is most Christians' values actually are diametrically opposed to their stated religion. Here are some standard conservative christian values: 1. Self-reliance. This is not supported by Christianity which teaches you to be obedient to and dependent on biblegod. 2. Self-defense. "Turn the other cheek". I hardly need to add to that. 3. Family values. Jesus has no family. No wife. No children. Doesn't seem to give a shit about his mother or really any families at all. He also says he comes to divide families, which as those of us with families where some of us are Christian and some are not, is self-evidently true. 4. Democracy. It shouldn't be hard to see how democracy and "follow my list of obsessive commands" don't go together. 5. Freedom. The only freedom a Christian has is the freedom to renounce their freedom. This definitely is not a god they can reject without a consequence. So... not free.
  45. 1 point
    I'm not a christian, but my theory is that a monotheistic god has no other god friends to have adventures with so he gets a little neurotic and weird about what the little humans do and think. he needs god friends so he can get his own life.
  46. 1 point
    F-U Holy Spirit!!! Oops I guess now I too will be going to an imaginary hell for a victimless crime.
  47. 0 points
    WTF about this savagery is acceptable in ANY Occidental country?? Apologist? Apollogists? AAaaaappppooollgist? MICHIGAN: Sharia-compliant U.S. federal judge orders Female Genital Mutilation (FGM) charges to be dropped against Muslim doctor, declaring the law against FGM as unconstitutional ..snipped kFL
  48. 0 points
    I don't have earthquake insurance. The premiums are high and the coverage sucks. I'm effectively self-insured in case of minor damages (although I can't afford to rebuild). It bothers me because I tend to have insurance for everything except this. If fire insurance goes down the same path then I'll be in a bad way. mwc

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