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Showing content with the highest reputation on 11/21/2018 in all areas

  1. All my life I was indirectly told others' needs are greater than my own. My family needs me to conform. My church needs me to conform. And above all, god needs me to conform. My needs didn't come first, it was all about being a good believer, and serving god, and others, and then myself. I hurt my family immensely by leaving the church. But guess what - I did not have the responsibility of sparing them this, as I was taught all my life. My needs were greater, finally. And I was allowed to act on them, to become who I really am, finally. It's normal and acceptable to have needs
    3 points
  2. No, I am not a "godly" person at all, as you put it, and I don't use that kind of terminology because I'm an atheist. I would call myself a person with empathy who doesn't believe in harming people, who strives to treat others like I would like to be treated. There can certainly be both as you put it...look out for the interests of others as well as yourself. That does not however mean I am obligated the put the interests of others before myself. The boundary lies where I start to suffer myself as a result of doing so. As for Paul, I have nothing positive to say about that misogynistic chauvin
    2 points
  3. Thank you so much for your help and opinion. It is not easy but it is life and sometimes things don't work and it is better for them not to work..
    2 points
  4. She and her family are part of an old cult called Christianity. Most on this website spent years believing just as strongly as they do. The religion defines reality for the believer, and literally everything else takes a back seat or no seat at all. Romantic relationships are strictly governed by the cult, and serious believers really don't want anyone who doesn't echo back the same beliefs. Fear of making god angry is paramount to a believer. (When they are evangelizing, they typically emphasize love and mercy, but once you are in it becomes mostly fear of making god angry, sadness that you a
    2 points
  5. They also don't support the concept of the Bible being the absolute unabridged word of God - otherwise it would be CLEAR!
    1 point
  6. I’ve watched a lot of Bart Ehrman’s videos and interviews with him, I like him. Though I note he says it wasn’t his scholarly research that led him to lose his faith but the problem of suffering. Carrier I feel more wary of, but probably only because he’s the kind of atheist I’m used to hearing being spoken about very negatively. Thoughts I’m trying to hold onto are that we can’t ultimately help what we believe (and if our capacity for thought and reason come from God then how can we be at fault if they lead us not to believe), there’s a lack of evidence about Jesus outside of the
    1 point
  7. Godly, like drowning all of humanity in a great flood, for example?
    1 point
  8. It won't be easy for you at first, for sure, but it will eventually get better. The "unequally-yoked" thing ruins a lot of relationships!
    1 point
  9. Imaginary beings dont need to be judged. How do we know he is good then? Dont engage with these people. Logic is not part of their weaponry.
    1 point
  10. "It would help if you could actually demonstrate gods existence for a start"....
    1 point
  11. Consider informing your father of your chosen boundaries well before Christmas in writing (e.g., via e-mail). That way there's an opportunity for discussion and agreement before the holiday. Save the "my house...my rules and my children...my rules" retorts unless and until you absolutely have to use them. Also, instead of focusing on the religious aspects, you could focus on drawing specific boundaries around such things as bigotry, hate, xenophobia (and other phobias) and fear-mongering (if your father exhibits them).
    1 point
  12. On a side note: I remember my first x-mass as an atheist. Mrs. MOHO asked if I would at least go to church xmas eve with her. I said "No." Not "I don't feel well." or "I'm too tired." or "I'll stay here and guard the xmas tree." (We don't have one.') Just...."No." I felt kinda bad after that so, when she was gone, I placed a star and a couple of those colored ball thingys on a fake palm tree in the living room. When she got home we both laughed our asses off over a glass of holiday cheer.
    1 point
  13. 1 point
  14. Christianity is an obsessive compulsive disorder for some people. I'm glad you didn't allow yourself to get sucked into that belief system. Some people like you need things to make sense. While others like her and her parents need to have someone think for them. Something good came of all this, though. You learned that some religious people are bonkers. I bet it will be one of your first questions with the next person you date. So, onward and upward!
    1 point
  15. I agree that you dodged a bullet. Some people are just assholes, and many of them are Christians. I know "the heart wants what it wants" but she is totally inappropriate for someone like you, someone who thinks, someone who is an equal. Rejoice in your good fortune and carry on.
    1 point
  16. You dodged a bullet. Several folks here are unequally yoked and that creates a lot of problems in their relationship.
    1 point
  17. I've been on one. Never again. If it doesn't have a steering wheel and a brake pedal, I'm not getting in or on it.
    1 point
  18. "Mohammedanism is a militant and proselytizing faith" Oh the irony. Oh how we forget history. All the Abrahamic religions are militant and proselytising. Christianity had an enlightenment. Hopefully Islam does. However Christianity took around 1700 years to have said enlightenment. Islam is only around 1400 years old. It also possibly needs its "new testament" that creates a "new covenant" that largely does away with the old one. "All religions are bad, but they are not all bad in the same way" Christopher Hitchens referring to why he attacked Islam more fervently than
    1 point
  19. Thank you. It helped so much that we went to group therapy together for a few months. He watched the cracks in my faith form and saw the changes in me. More importantly,he grasped how crucial it was to be there and love me unconditionally.
    1 point
  20. Wow, I wish I had done it this way. My heartbreak decided to come out as "fuck Jesus, fuck my christian family, fuck anybody who wants to throw down right now" panicked, rushing, "need-to-know-the-answers-right-now" way. I'm so proud of how you handled this!!!
    1 point
  21. Could it be Psalm 82? 1God presides in the great assembly; he renders judgment among the “gods”: 2“How long will you a defend the unjust and show partiality to the wicked? b 3Defend the weak and the fatherless; uphold the cause of the poor and the oppressed. 4Rescue the weak and the needy; deliver them from the hand of the wicked. 5“The ‘gods’ know nothing, they understand nothing. They walk about in darkness; all the foundations of the earth are shaken. 6“I said, ‘You are “gods”;
    1 point
  22. Sometimes our needs just genuinely are more important than others; because none of us is perfect and all of us, at times, are vulnerable. There's nothing selfish in that. It's just part of the human experience. Deconversion would set you free from this kind of guilt, End3.
    1 point
  23. I've heard the "relationship" described by a psychologist as something termed an "introject", a survival aspect of our minds that creates a virtual parent when we are children. That virtual parent speaks with the imaginary voice of the actual parent to remind the child of warnings the actual parent gave. If the parent said "Don't go out in the jungle alone, there are tigers that will eat you" this comes back in the form of an imaginary parent relating similar things and helps the child survive when the parent isn't actually there. So when believers are told "Don't do _____ because
    1 point
  24. I can see it fracturing a personality into two parts: An unattainable ideal, and a being so flawed from birth that there's no way to reach the ideal. That is a recipe for psychological disaster.
    1 point
  25. Having some "insight", or basic understanding of who you are is healthy, but that doesn't sound like what your religion was promoting. From what you describe, it sounds like they were attempting to develop "robots", not healthy human beings. Sounds like you are developing some good insights. This is a good place to find encouragement and information. HANG IN THERE!
    1 point
  26. I don't view it as though I had a relationship with myself, I had a false relationship with a made up being. In the movie Castaway Hanks' character had a relationship with himself because Wilson was a personification of himself, and all of Wilson's thoughts and personality came directly from his own mind. In Christianity, god and jesus' characters are already fabricated in the Bible. I think we did hear our own thoughts when we thought God was speaking to us, so in that aspect yes, we were listening to ourselves. But for the most part I don't think it was myself that I had a relationship wi
    1 point
  27. Hi, I don't want to duplicate the great responses the others have given, I will just say that giving human characteristics to natural occurrences (to anthropomorphize a thing) is very common. Things that we don't understand we automatically assign human qualities to. Where does rain/lightning/babies/wind/tides/life etc come from? If we don't know then god or at least a superior intelligence is surely the answer. Its god of a gaps for natural phenomenon and it retracts each time our knowledge increases to show the natural cause. Lightning could be Zeus or it could be particle physics in th
    1 point
  28. You know? You just said what I have struggled to put into words since my deconversion. Your post covers one of the "kernels of doubt" that we've talked about on this forum before. I am in the "bible beltish" part of the South in the US and am surrounded by the types of the conservatives that espouse the values you mentioned. Nothing wrong with them, of course, but you are SO correct that they don't really match up with the bible and what Jesus taught. Just own your values, stop getting Jesus mixed in with them. Where I live, you'd think taxes were straight from the pit of hell. The more I tho
    1 point
  29. What's even more interesting is most Christians' values actually are diametrically opposed to their stated religion. Here are some standard conservative christian values: 1. Self-reliance. This is not supported by Christianity which teaches you to be obedient to and dependent on biblegod. 2. Self-defense. "Turn the other cheek". I hardly need to add to that. 3. Family values. Jesus has no family. No wife. No children. Doesn't seem to give a shit about his mother or really any families at all. He also says he comes to divide families, which as those of us wit
    1 point
  30. I'm not a christian, but my theory is that a monotheistic god has no other god friends to have adventures with so he gets a little neurotic and weird about what the little humans do and think. he needs god friends so he can get his own life.
    1 point
  31. F-U Holy Spirit!!! Oops I guess now I too will be going to an imaginary hell for a victimless crime.
    1 point
  32. WTF about this savagery is acceptable in ANY Occidental country?? Apologist? Apollogists? AAaaaappppooollgist? MICHIGAN: Sharia-compliant U.S. federal judge orders Female Genital Mutilation (FGM) charges to be dropped against Muslim doctor, declaring the law against FGM as unconstitutional ..snipped kFL
    0 points


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