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Showing content with the highest reputation on 01/13/2019 in all areas

  1. 2 points
    On another forum, a question was raised that related to Christian ideas of being "tested". I should say it was not a Christian or ex-Christian forum and I have no beef with the questioner - I just couldn't resist launching into a diatribe. Anyhow, these were my thoughts: "As you all know (or, at least, as I've never kept secret), I am a former fundie Christian. In such circles, "testing" is often mentioned. It is seen as inevitable. It is seen as a validation of Christian faith. It is based on texts that tell the believer to expect to be tested - ideas that go all the way back to sparing the rod being a method of spoiling the child.  One might object that the Christian god, being so very omniscient, needs not to test the faith of his believers. The stock answer is that gold is put into the fire not to prove that it is gold but to burn off any impurities. Leaving aside the accuracy of that statement, it boils down to suffering being a seen as a method of gaining spiritual maturity. It's a useful excuse to put before anyone who objects that a "good", "wise" god would hardly be expected to cause sometimes extreme suffering. I suppose it convinces those who use that excuse - at least, as long as they refuse to think about it too deeply. The bottom line here is that "testing" is linked to suffering in the Christian imagination (those who die for their beliefs are merely privileged to be tested to the extreme). Whilst it is true that Christians draw comfort from saying that god will not test any person beyond what he can bear, the shallowness of that thought process, when the person enduring the suffering has little choice but to bear it, seems not to occur to them. This is deeply entrenched in Abrahamic thought processes. The whole religious system is linked to death, suffering, even genocide (in the Old Testament) and through to the promise of ultimate vindication in the never ending suffering of unbelievers. It is also part of a fortress mentality that sees persecution (widely defined, so as to include, e.g, someone taking a satirical swipe at their dottier ideas) as part of that "testing" that validates their faith and purpose. So, for the Christian, testing is a necessary part of their belief system and the structure of their faith. Hence, those that suffer little will cast around for something, anything, that can be termed a "test". If they can claim that the suffering has created doubts that they have overcome, so much the better. They have "fought the good fight". This is a form of brainwashing that renders the Christian secure in his own assumed (and false) humility. It is the mindset that insists that man is worthless, god is all-worthy, and everything that happens to the believer, however painful, is good and is controlled by his deity. It creates people who are servile in their attitude to deity and proud (albeit that would never be admitted) of just how weak and worthless they can represent themselves to be."
  2. 2 points
    I loved both my parents but ... didnt want to live that close to them in this life. Cant imagine enjoying spending eternity with them. (lol) I love my children but I dont want to spend eternity with them. And I doubt they want to spend eternity with me either. Being with your family in heaven is a nice sentiment...but when you really think about it... no thanks.
  3. 2 points
  4. 2 points
    Better, thx. Sorry for the long delay. I have a hard time getting through the holidays. Things are currently ok. He is working with me, not standing in my way of doing what I feel like I need to do, learning to walk beside me as opposed to being over me. Maybe he just needs some deprogramming time.
  5. 2 points
    Thanks for letting me know how it's going. I was wondering. I get the part about the kids. I myself don't really fret around about the kids and their eternal souls because I'm quite a ways past worrying about those kinds of things. Mainly because I just don't believe them at all. But I understand worrying about making the wrong choices for other people involved, especially children. For whatever it's worth, if hell doesn't exist in the first place then it's not even possible that either you or the kids will end up there. I'm just saying. I actually speak like I'm speaking to you now with the kids. I have two older step daughters and I'm soon to inherit two older steps sons. They're all smart kids. They want to be spoken to in terms of the truth about things. So I level with them straight. But they're all late teens and early 20's. Quite different than having little ones. Yes, I think it sounds like a good plan. We always encourage people to seek professional counseling and go with the advised medication where emotional and psychological factors are at play. Sometimes that can sound offensive, but it's not meant to be. We just deal in terms of light encouragement of ex christians in discussion level format. But the community factor may be a big help. Just hearing other peoples stories and finding similarities and just basically knowing that you're not alone in this. Per your last post, I think you've nailed it on the head. A lot of the people who I grew up with in the SDA church and church school system who never really paid attention or knew that much about the bible, and rebelled in youth, wound up going right back into it after the rebellion was over. Several of them now preachers. But at no point did these guys get to a place where they honestly researched the information for themselves. Not about the SDA cult, nor the bible and christianity in general. Meanwhile, those of us out of my community who did go through truth seeking periods of reading everything we could, thinking about everything deeply going into our 20's and 30's and talking to each other about it, never got sucked back in to the cult as we aged. Instead we became immune to it.
  6. 2 points
    I also like to frame the Christian god in terms of a human, to showcase just how evil he is. If any one of us were to have a child or even a pet, and give the same rule/punishment that results in burning that creature alive, we'd be locked up as a horrible rat-bastard fiend, not exulted and praised as the ultimate form of love. Also, if I tell a woman that she can freely choose to love me or not, but that there is a consequence of not loving me of burning alive for eternity, would I be viewed as a cool dude, or gracious and kind man? No, I'd be a psychopath narcissist, again locked up or shot. Believers like to portray us as deserving it. One pastor I had soberly said "I'm glad he made even one way to be saved". He was right where Christianity wants all believers to be, death of self, complete agreement with the abuser that we deserve the beatings/burning. It is really a disgusting twisting of a human mind, but not uncommon in abusive relationships where one spouse treads on eggshells trying to not piss off the other, who will still lash out over nothing and who expects the one being hurt to agree with the abuse.
  7. 1 point
    A couple of days back, on a BBC news report of events surrounding the US government shut-down, we were treated to footage of the US president in a room full of his advisors and government colleagues, in a meeting that concluded with a pastor praying for their collective wisdom as they all sat their with heads bowed. At the end, Mr T thanked the pastor, describing his words as "beautiful". In the UK, politics tends to be reasonably secular, with just the trappings of the traditions of the country's Christian past but not, generally, anything like this. I rather suspect a political body that behaved like this here would find its' electoral prospects in free-fall. I found it as disturbing as it was incredible.
  8. 1 point
    Hello, This is my first post and my first visit to this forum. I was raised Pentecostal. My parents were "saved" when I was about 4 and took it all very seriously, it became our entire lives. It was the full speaking in tongues-holy roller, fire and brimstone church. Women were expected to wear the uniform of dresses, uncut hair and modesty. When I was 5 I asked to be baptized, much to the joy of my parents and the members of the church. In all honesty I was absolutely terrified of hell (what do five year olds know of sin) and it lead me to years of pursuing the magic key to heaven, speaking in tongues. I never got the "gift" but I faked it, which resulted in terrifying nightmares. My parents left when I was a teenager and we church shopped. I was elated that we were done with that but I had layers and layers of repression and fear. So as a teenager I rebelled, and I rebelled as hard as I could. I was quite certain that I was not a christian by the time I was 17 and began to explore nature based religions. That suited me perfectly. My parents in the last 10 or so years have returned to the church of my childhood. I tried as much as I could to avoid the topic with my parents. As I am sure many of you can relate, it was a wound between us that was deeper and more painful than I could ever really manage. I just wanted to be accepted and my parents just wanted to assure my eternal salvation. Almost thirty years have passed since I have considered myself to be a christian. It has been a a wonderful path, full of self discovery and, for the most part, the joy of freedom. I am comfortable and confident with my spirituality. I dont fear hell or the disapproval of God anymore, there has just been one pain that endures and that is the disapproval of my parents and the pain in their eyes when any topic comes close to my/their religious beliefs. About a year ago I "came out" to my mother about my beliefs, her beliefs, and the gap between the two. It was very painful and I wondered for the last year why I felt so compelled to do it.This long winded ramble of mine really has much to do with what I wanted to ask. How have people handled the death of a parent who remains devout? In October my mother unexpectedly fell into a coma during a simple out patient surgery. She was brain dead and she did not survive. The absolute devastation of the loss of my mother was further complicated by their religion. Her church (the church of my childhood) really pulled together to support my father and help out. They are very nice people and they love my parents, but that heaviness of the religion I left behind was in the air. Her funeral was at the church. I had not been in that building in a very long time it definitely opened wounds that I thought had long healed. The memory of sadness in my mothers eyes because of her belief that we would be separated forever, knowing that thousands of prayers were spoken alone and in this church aloud for my soul have added a complication to my grief that has been very confusing. To add even more sting, my father gave me a letter that he found, written 6 years ago by my mother to me. I simply could not read it, I knew what it was. I had my husband read it for me and he confirmed that the letter was exactly what I thought it was, a plea for my return to Jesus. My mother died with the certainty of her beliefs that do not include an eternity with me. I wonder how any of you have managed the death of a parent who remains a born again/evangelical christian? Does anyone have any advice on navigating these intense emotions? Thank you
  9. 1 point
    Trump could have had his wall any time in the last two years if he was any good at anything. But, it turns out, even his own party knows it's a worthless idea. The world is laughing. Just saying.
  10. 1 point
    Well this went downhill fast. It had a mass triggering effect. @Fweethawt Talking of going through walls when you are sitting in college, many with access to big funds is all well and fine. When you have nothing, and not much hope going through the metaphorical wall is harder. But the whole point is.... which seems to have gotten lost during the mass triggering... that when walls are put up people find a way to circumvent that wall. Hence motivational speech spoof. In the 21st century we are still operating like its the 1200s and building walls to stop the Mongols.
  11. 1 point
    The majority of citizens don't want it, Congress clearly does not want it despite what spineless Republicans are saying publicly right now or they would have done it over the past two years when they had all the power to do so, professionals in the actual business of border security think it's a waste of money and resources, and Mexicans are perfecting their tunnel and stair building skills . Meanwhile, actual security in the country is compromised by the crippling of agencies and personnel, including the most efficient drug interdiction force, the Coast Guard, because of Trump shutting down government in order to extort us and bypass our system to get his way. With illegal crossings rapidly declining over the past decade or so and currently at an all time low, there is no crisis at the border, though people and drugs do still get in through the sea ports, airports and often legal visas they overstay. All but the least intelligent of Trump's base recognize the wall as political red meat and symbolic of anti immigrant sentiment, be they illegal or even legal immigrants. The most mentally challenged consider legal asylum seekers to be illegals and invading hoards of criminals. The current president has chosen to die on this hill. Well, as long as he dies...... I just hope he takes his brain dead supporters and enablers with him. I guess that just about summarizes the situation here.
  12. 1 point
    https://www.charismamag.com/life/culture/25271-50-reasons-why-i-don-t-drink The stupid is depressingly strong with this one. 41+42 are especially nonsensical. I can only hope that I wasn't as much a twat as her.
  13. 1 point
    My ex wife's grandmother did something similar. But she had her pastor grandson read it aloud at her service. A calling to everyone that left the church to come back, that she might see everyone at the second coming (SDA's believe that we remain dead and unconscious until the second coming and final judgement). He felt uncomfortable reading it, but said that he wanted to follow her wishes. Guess what? No one was moved to return back to the church who had already left it. She's gone. She's dead. No one was ever going to be reunited in a mythological heaven anyways, regardless of whether or not they do or do not rejoin the church. It's not different for you. She's gone. She doesn't know anything now. If she was suffering before and dwelling on it, at least she's not suffering or dwelling on it any longer. Letting the feelings pass through seems much healthier than holding on to them.
  14. 1 point
    Do you feel responsible for your mother's belief that you will not be seeing her in eternity? You are who you are. Be proud that you have followed the path that 'you' decided to follow. Both of my parents got somewhat religious in their last years of life but I didnt have to deal with the heavy indoctrination of them fearing for my soul. As far as navigating intense emotions, it's difficult when your parents pass. Allow yourself to feel what you feel. Talk to a non-Christian about it. Get professional counseling if need be. Don't accept guilt, fear or shame. That was what your Mom's religion produces.
  15. 1 point
    It does look like they're trying to Trojan Horse pedophilia. And the issue of moral decay as a sign of the end of great civilizations in the past is something worthy of note. I realize that christians like to harp on moral decay as biblical, but that doesn't take away from the historical reality of it. The bible talking about moral decay in the end is probably due to the fact that moral decay can be a sign near the end of great civilizations. And is an observation that has been made several times over in the past as far as that goes. Spoken of by Plato in allegorical lesson format and such. So projecting a future where moral decay is involved in the "end times" wasn't rocket science, nor divine inspiration for bronze age astronomer priests and scribes who could read and write and who were aware of the down fall of past civilizations. Long story short, we shouldn't throw the baby out with the bathwater as ex christians when comes to issues like the moral decay of the United States and the potential that it could lead to the end of our civilization here - if we stand idle and allow people to steer the ship in that direction. None of this has to happen. We can butt those out of power who are trying steer us into the rocks in terms of moral decay. And I hope we do that as a nation.
  16. 1 point
    I cannot answer this directly. I've lost two parents, both of whom were nominal Christians and neither had connections to the fundie church I joined. Bottom line, however, I went a path with which they did not agree - and they never knew I turned back from it. All I can say is that the death of a parent is an intense emotion anyway (leaving aside those who are so estranged that the emotions died before the individuals concerned). Time is the only healer - though that can seem incredible when the pain is fresh. Whatever distress your mother knew is over, and you cannot turn the clock back. Nor could you do much about it were you so able, it seems to me. Somehow, you have to accept the reality that life throws up such circumstances, and, though it is painful and difficult to get one's head around, the only answer is to accept it, get your head around it and move on. I'm sorry if that sounds cold. It is, however, the reality. Allow yourself to grieve for the person. Not for the twisted outlook that they had concerning your differences, but for the person that, ultimately, loved you. That is the part that you will miss. Regrets over the consequences of being yourself are illogical and not to be entertained. And, please, accept my sympathy for your loss.
  17. 1 point
    The people with whom I work regularly describe me as "mad" or "bonkers" - usually when I'm rowing one of the office chairs back and for the room or singing "ying-tong-iddle-eye-po" from behind my computer screen. Last Tuesday I was so described when I intervened in a discussion about whether vegan sausages are a contradiction in terms by pointing out that it is perfectly possible to make a sausage out of a vegan. So, I'm more than happy to accept you are not crazy
  18. 1 point
    I just wanted you to know that this was the first time I'd seen this and it was pretty emotional for me too. I'm glad to have read your story and you're a wonderful writer.
  19. 1 point
  20. 1 point
    Sorry for the delay~~ It is a very long story. (so long, I am writing a book). In a nutshell...I remarried after 9 years of widowhood. My son was 12. At 15, he became very sick with a rare seizure disorder. We did take him to the hospital ( which was actually taught against at church!). Traditional med could not help him and wanted to do a hemispherectomy. I opted for alternate treatment, as I didn't want half his brain removed. He was getting better, and better. In the meantime...he and his stepfather didn't click very well. One evening when he was 17, his stepfather spanked him (not very hard at all). But it got turned into a mountain, and he was taken from my home and ended up living with my mom and stepdad. Well, they took over his medical decisions ( they didn't like the ones that I had been making.) So he ended up having a hemispherectomy at age 18. He nearly died then. Meanwhile, I am praying for god to work all this out. At first, my mom instinct kicked in and TOLD me that one day I would need to know that I did EVERYTHING within my power to get my son back. At first everything I tried just backfired. No progress whatsoever. Just more damage. And then the 'conditioning' from church took over my mind. Turn it over to god. When you turn something over to god, leave it there. He doesn't need your help. And, as it seemed, everything I tried at the time turned out rotten, I thought god wanted me to let him take care of it. So I prayed. My husband moved me 500 miles away. I was subjective. I prayed. I waited. Patience is a virtue, they said. I prayed and waited. Keep peace, they said. I prayed and waited. And in 2011, at the age of 25, my son passed away, in the midst of a huge family crisis...So, I trusted in an imaginary safety net. (I became aware of this in 2017, it nearly killed me). I can see so much that could have been done over the years....but I was just praying and trusting and waiting. My son could have lived with the right treatment. He was getting better. But my hands were tied, others were making the decicions, and I thought god had it all under control and was working it all out....How stupid is that? And people can't see the dangers of religion......
  21. 1 point
    Don't forget Trump voting idolaters like me!
  22. 1 point
    I thought you said that somewhere before, but I second guessed whether I heard that right. Just not the ordinary when it comes to strong conservatism. But Mike D is also gay and says he's never been on the left, always conservative. You two are the only gay conservatives that I've heard posting. I don't doubt that you both catch all variety hate from lefties, just like black conservatives do.
  23. 1 point
    Please realize that if your parents are indoctrinated and brainwashed deeply, unless they have an open mind to questioning, which they likely don't (especially if they think its a sin), it isn't any kind of choice for them. I sometimes start feeling this way about my parents, but then I remember I haven't really been sold out, and I feel nothing but pity for them.
  24. 1 point
    Ah, well then. We'll just accept that as fact and therefore give Trump a pass. FYI, Bernie is defined by your ilk as the trigger word "Socialist" (EEK!!!) but the rest of humanity recognizes his positions as rather middle of the road. Also, for clarification (unwelcome as it may be) Trump's business model is about not paying contractors, investors or anyone else as he files bankruptcy after bankruptcy and paying off his victims with a little taste of daddy's money. If only Donnie had put that money in solid financial instruments rather than playing "businessman" with it, he would actually be as wealthy as he claims and not need to take Russian money to stay afloat. You falsely imply that a competent businessman, Trump, hit a rough patch and had to file bankruptcy at one point when in fact it is simply how a con man does business decade after decade. It's all in his tax returns...wait...never mind, he doesn't want us to know what's really going on. Fortunately, there are other records that tell the tale.
  25. 1 point
    I must say the problem of creating a being with the ability to sin is one of my biggest problems as well. I usually receive the same free will answer, but, with a twist, that love is free , so only if a being has the possibility of rejecting God he is truly free, otherwise love would be forced. My problem with that is the following. People rarely describe what freedom or free will is, it is like reciting an advertising slogan. I mean the human freedom or freedom to choose is limited. And the next thing, freedom in itself is nothing, if you describe it like that. It does not matter at all. If the the point is eternal life in union with God, then freedom is just an unnecesary risk. Again, rarely do they describe what love is, and why exactly does it require the freedom of rejection. And if so, why does that rejection mean eternal conscious torment. I mean, is that really a choice? Eternal bliss and eternal suffering? Why would a rational being, like humans and angels supposedly are, would choose the second. A life of loneliness, helplessness, suffering,. Then the creature itself must be somehow irrational. Or flawed. People, even men, usually choose and chose short sound bytes that sound wise, like a catchy tune. Plus if the question is one of blind "pure" faith, than why create beings endowed with reason? It looks as God is setting himself or his beings to fail. And the faith argument is flawed because I can give examples in the Bible where the Jews and the Christians were told to test and see what is true. Like the prophet Elijah and the prophets of Baal, the wonders and wisdom of Moses, and in the New Testament to test "spirits" and see which if them is right. And it is flawed because suppose I would come to you, and say, I am the messenger of the ultimate creator God. His name is Bob. He is the totality of being and incomprehensible to the human mind. He requires absolute faith and obedience and I am the only vessel through which he speaks. You have to take my word for it. Would any one believe me ? Just on "faith"? Any religion can make that claim. Many do. The patter is : There is this human messenger who is a vessel of the superior being who demands faith and obedience and worship. Reward is pleasure, punishment is pain. And the thousand year old culturally advanced religions, like Christianity, or Islam, or Buddhism, or strands of Indian faiths, have refined dogmas and methods of practiced so they CAN produce some results and may seem convincing. Why believe St Paul and not Muhammed? Like was said, of course , I admit to not having other data, or information that could change my mind. But when I ask, seldom is something new presented to me.
  26. 1 point
    Hi again @Joshpantera! And thanks again for all your input. I think I’m definitely going in the right direction but am very up and down with it (often within one day!). I continue to read loads - which sometimes is a real help and sometimes makes things worse and try to reject what I know would be the Christian interpretation of the things you mention (hell and Satan) i.e. progressive revelation!! One thing I’m trying to do is notice how external factors can heighten/ trigger fears, as these clearly have no bearing on the truth of the issues but can have a big impact on how I *feel* about the likelihood of them being true. So when it gets dark, that has a negative impact. When my children are in bed, sometimes my fears are alleviated, because they are not in front of me as a constant reminder of how awful it would be for them to end up in hell. When I’m even more exhausted than normal, or when I’m unwell, that has a negative impact. Seeing my mum triggers my fears and anxiety. And I can think back to when I was 15 and definitely did believe in hell and was going through an extremely fearful period and all these same external factors (minus the children) also exacerbated things. In the summer time, things abated a bit. So my next steps are 1) to try again to get a prescription for an anti-anxiety medication - if this can dull the intensity of the fear then that might help me keep rational, plus confirm the psychological/ brain-based nature of it and 2) to work with a counsellor on understanding how these fears relate to my own background and psychological makeup rather than to an objective reality. Sound like a good plan?
  27. 1 point
    Word. It's become a hate cult with a hermetically sealed ideology impervious to reason and anything else belonging to the real world. It's the exact same circular reasoning and shit as with abrahamic morontheists. Literally identical. And identically worthless.
  28. 1 point
    I'm not from England but that fear of hell you describe sounds like the result of the very same poison diet christianity is feeding us here in the US. It will take time because emotion based decisions typically change much more slowly than reason based decisions. Try to take some comfort in knowing that feelings can not create reality. Christianity wants your emotional commitment to the "extraordinary" good things it has to offer before you try to logically decide if it is based in reality. If it were approached the other way around very few would look at the facts and evedence and end up thinking christianity is in any way remotely what it claims to be. You really have already accomplished the hard part by looking at the evidence objectively and making the only reasonable decision you could. Hell is a made up idea christianity picked up on exactly for the purpose of scaring people away from thoughts of leaving. Be proud of yourself for caring enough about yourself to look into the truth of the christian claims and standing up to the mind game bulling. Whenever that fear raises it's ugly head just say to yourself ok Kat34 lets just calm down and go over any question we have and decide one more time whether or not hell has any crediblity. What do we have to suggest it is a real place and what do we have that suggest it is a man made invention. Real beliefs are not for sale. Look within yourself to see what you believe and if you've gone through some very significant effort (as you aparently have) to decide what you believe then trust yourself and continue to resist the pressure to copy the "beliefs" of people who have never done the work of trying to figure out if their beliefs are correct. Welcome and congratulations Kat34.
  29. 1 point
    I think Josh got it right. I knew a guy in high school that was flamboyant gay, but the police would have shut down any bar that had him dance there until he was 21. A lot of folks want their minute in the spotlight, and several more if they can keep being noticed. That's what this seems to be. And Contra's comic shows the attitude of most of America, I think. Treating others equally is fine, but things got kinda weird towards 2016 with the many genders and bathroom use issues. Those thoughts are real, and my niece is one that promotes them, but the vast majority of us still look at it as bizarre. This sort of thing is what made conservative America cringe and reject "the Left". My nephew rides the fence between male and female, and posted a pic of himself today with lipstick. I cringed and blocked the image because, on one hand I don't care what he does with his own life, but it still is creepy as hell to me and even though I accept his right to do what he wants, I don't have to watch him do it. And I have a ton of gay, lesbian, bi, and even a few trans friends. One of my closest friends is a beautiful lesbian, and her butch wife is one of the kindest people around. That match doesn't creep me out, and I can see it as a balance-of-nature thing even though I still don't "grok" (fully, deeply understand) why it exists.
  30. 1 point
    Hi Myrkhoos, and welcome to our community! You came to the right place, and you are following a path that many have already taken. We are here to support you along the way. I think you will find a great sense of relief at having introduced yourself and at having shared your thoughts about Christianity and its many problems. Just the process of "going public" with these thoughts is an important step on the journey. If you haven't already done so, you will probably one day very soon look in the mirror and say out loud "I am no longer a Christian". That moment can be both scary and liberating. I do agree with Insightful: rather than seeming confused, you seem to have arrived at a clear-headed understanding of the problems with Christianity. If you are actually still confused, can you tell us more about that? You may find it difficult to not have certainty about gods or religions, but this becomes easier. You will get used to no longer having any religious beliefs and just accepting that you don't know what might be out there. Like most people, whether they are believers or not, you will follow your conscience rather than some ancient writings. As you spend more time among us and as you get used to life without religious dogma, your mind will be reprogramming itself and freeing itself from the past. You will eventually be amazed at the changes you see in yourself. Please feel free to ask questions and to share your feelings as you go through this process. Whatever you may be going through, somebody here has been there too. Looking forward to hearing more from you... - TABA
  31. 1 point
    Welcome This is a good place to be. The process of deconversion can be quite stressful, especially where family is involved. Rest assured that you're not alone...pretty much everyone on this site have had somewhat similar experiences. The "testimonies" forum offers some insights into the experience. Religion's greatest enemy is rational thought...so keep thinking.
  32. 1 point
    We don't really care what you say sweetie. We have had hundreds of christians on this site. Our hope in posting back to you is to deconvert you! We all know our bibles. I already know what you would say about my letter. I already know what you believe because I believed it also. I studied the bible for many, many years. The basic problem most of our christians friends have that join our company is that they have a hard time with the fact that none of us believe that the bible is 'gods' word' anymore and you still do. That's why we can't take the 'holy' book you are quoting from seriously. So keep having fun sweetie. We really don't bite but if you use too much bible bull, you're going to get back real reasoning. We live by evidence and facts. You live by faith in a man-made, ancient book that man wrote. I wasted my whole life on this fable. (hug)
  33. 1 point
    1. Consult a lawyer 2. Follow the lawyers advice!!! 3. Develop a well thought out plan to leave. 4. Do not disclose your plan to anyone 5. Make a mental decision to not give a flying fuck about what ANYONE thinks about you leaving. 6. Execute the plan
  34. 1 point
    He's an abuser. Taking over your finances is a massive red flag. Google "Domestic abuse safety plan" and then clear your Internet history so that it does not show up in your recently-accessed files. Do not, under any circumstances, let him know that you are planning anything as it will increase the danger. Get copies of all important papers and keep them in a safe location outside the house.
  35. 1 point
    DEFINITELY talk to someone at a safe house (women's shelter). Someone as possessive as your husband may get physical, if he hasn't already. Or he might use the children in some way to manipulate you. I would talk to people at the shelter before going to an attorney.
  36. 1 point
    http://new.exchristian.net/2015/05/joy-unspeakable-part-10-submission-101.html#disqus_thread This story by undercover agnostic 4 years ago on the main blog here brought over 100 comments. About 20 or 25 comments down undercover and other commenters began discussing whether divorce might not be more realistic that continuing in a marriage that was overwhelmingly one sided and emotionally damaging even if her husband had improved since they had first married so many years ago.
  37. 1 point
    You could take a look at a book -Joy Unspeakable by Joy Hopper on Amazon. She was on this site just telling her story about deconversion and writing responses for probably a year (as Undercover, I think) when in the course of some exchanges realized her husband was patriarchal to the point or emotionally abusive and decided she wanted out in spite of the long history and 5 children (some about the age that yours are now). It starts with her growing up story but goes all the way to current. If you wanted to pm with her I could check with her about that. She needed a plan to make sure she stayed safe when she informed her husband and separated. You should always be careful when dealing with possessive husbands who think patriarchy is just correct.
  38. 1 point
    @mich, If you live in the Bible Belt you might consider divorcing in another state. The judge might not take too kindly to your lack of submission. just say'n.
  39. 1 point
    Get a GOOD divorce lawyer and let them advise you ASAP.
  40. 1 point
    That money situation! Oh hell no! Do not let him have that money.
  41. 1 point
    Sorry, but it seems the answer is rather obvious. Cut your losses and get away.
  42. 1 point
    These are not unexplained phenomena. Every one of them has been explained by science.
  43. 1 point
    Well, you could return to Christianity and avoid this website. Why did you leave Christianity? I'm not sure how one compares levels of happiness, really. I do know that I was tired of fear, shame and guilt from the bible and my Pentecostal church indoctrination. I wasn't any happier before or during my time as a fool for Jesus. It was nice to let myself out of the absurd mental prison of Christianity, though. I also know that the people I went to church with put on this fake joyful persona during the service, yet I'm pretty sure all that crap evaporated when they went home. People are people are people. Just because someone calls himself a Christian/atheist/agnostic doesn't mean they get bestowed with some sort of bliss....or anti-bliss. Someone can be miserable as a Christian (read: ex-wife) and Jesus aint gonna fix that. Churches like to guilt people into doing what they feel is important, such as being a great parent or spouse. It seems artificial, to me. My wife and I are both happy agnostics in part because we aren't listening to some rabid fundy nut tell us the cookie cutter way that husbands and wives should behave. We do what works for us, not what the bible or Christbots think is best.
  44. 1 point
    A day late and a dollar short, God. It seems to me if there was a helpful God he wouldn't wait years to do it.
  45. 1 point
    Red flag, warning bell, bullshit meter off the scale...
  46. 1 point
    Believing there might be something we humans call a God and being religious are two different things. If God or God's exist "IT" seems benign and uninterested in humanity. If such a God exists "It" seems to be content minding its own business. Religion, on the other hand, is a different matter. Religions are problematic on so many levels. Religions are responsible for the slaughter of billions of people. Religions tend to be manipulative and they use fear, intimidation, and intense indoctrination to obtain and retain adherents. They are akin to little dictatorships that use people to obtain wealth, power, and control. So, believe in God or Gods if you want, but stay away from religion.
  47. 1 point
    TRP, thank you so much for taking the time to write out this whole story which helps me in more ways than you'll ever know! Very well worth the read for me!! Welcome to Ex-c!! I hope you will stay here at EX-c and share more with us. You're story should be made into a book. You are a brilliant writer. If you reprinted this with paragraphs that do make it easier to read, I think you would have a best seller on your hands. Many doubters of religion would love this information. That was a fascinating story. The testimonies of others is what helps keep me going!! I thank you again. Sincerely, Margee

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