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About labratsolo

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  • Birthday 10/01/1979

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    I'm smart. and funny. and sexy. and modest. I also make incredible scrambled eggs, but you can only have them if you spend the night ;)

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  • Still have any Gods? If so, who or what?
    Thierry Henry
  1. Tell me about it... I come from a Pentecostal background... They like to use the whole "spirit-filled" thing as "evidence" of your conversion. People getting pushed to the ground or babbling incoherently as if it's some kind of a foreign language (my favorite is when they call it a "prayer language," just a way of trying to pass off this total bullshit)... As for blasphemy of the holy spirit, when I was in my early teens, I was pretty much mortified that I had, in fact, once done that very thing! Then I heard a tape by some preacher who was talking about it, and gave all of these stories about how everyone who had done so died immediately after. I figured since God hadn't slain me on the spot, I was ok, and kind of forgot about it. Reading this made me think back to that time, and how stupid the entire thing was... It's one of the things about fundamentalist/literalist morality, the way it separates people by creating ambiguous rules that make perfectly normal feelings, emotions and thoughts off-limits. It's like if you haven't said/done certain things, even though you have felt them, you are better than "weaker" people who act on how they feel. Yet another of the humanity-robbing aspects of such an outlook.
  2. At the Christian college I attended, I had a literature professor talk about how he believed in heaven, but not hell, which was the first time I had even thought about one existing without the other. I couldn't reconcile it with my own beliefs at the time, but it seemed to open up a whole new realm of possibilities, and probably jump started my process of doubting the Bible. In the months after September 11, I couldn't justify in my mind thousands of people going to hell at once, and the Jerry Falwell comments really put a lot of things into focus for me. "God is an asshole," I said to myself, and the only way to believe otherwise for me was to deny Christian doctrine and the existence of hell. In my mind, for God to have some kind of greater purpose for us, hell cannot exist, because it already does, in enough forms, right here on earth! If God exists (still on the fence on that one) he must have some kind of better plan worked out than that, otherwise his status as supreme intelligence would certainly be questionable...
  3. Thanks, everybody... I don't think I've ever told that story in its entirety, ever! Felt kind of good to get it all out
  4. I grew up in a large, very religous family, but most of my brothers and sisters have come to the same conclusion, long before I did, so among us it's pretty much unspoken, anyway. My mother, I'm not so sure I will ever tell her, I'm am convinced that hearing the news from her youngest would kill her, for sure... As for friends, I guess I kind of have a "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" policy. If anyone asks me about my relationship with Christ, or how I'm doing spiritually, or where I go to church these days, I will freely tell them that I have renounced Christianity; if they invite me to a church function, I will politely decline. I'm not really ready for the avalanche of witnessing that comes from telling a Christian that you're not a Christian anymore, and I've already had my fill of "but don't you care about your soul?" questions, so I only tell if it comes up in conversation. My current roommate is on the fence about his own Christianity, but we don't really talk about it... I figured I'd found my way on my own, and he has no problem with my decision, I'm sure he'll discover his own way too.
  5. Hi everyone, I wasn't even sure that communities of Ex-Christians even existed, but I found this site and it was just what I was looking for! I have tried to explain my life as an Ex-Christian to both Christian and non-Christian friends, but the magnitude of everything has been hard for people to understand... I grew up with Christian parents, specifically a blindly zealous mother and a somewhat less-committed father. We were in a tightly-knit Assemblies of God church, and childhood was honestly pretty easy. I had six older siblings who had learned the game of saying the right things while doing whatever they wanted, for the most part, and at church (and the Christian school that accompanied it) I was treated more or less as a "crown prince." Things began to change around age 11, when my sister, "rebelliously," became an unwed mother while in college. My mother had a moment of panic, and, in an effort to "save" me, started home-schooling me. This lasted two years, until my father's passing, at which time I personally withdrew even further, and during which my mom also pulled me even further away from a normal life. We left our original church, and I was enrolled in a staunchly fundamentalist Christian academy, where my Assemblies of God background alienated me from everyone. A year later, I transferred to a larger, slightly more progressive Christian school, where I was able to ease some of my loneliness by staying true to my Christian beliefs. I'm not sure whether I was motivated by my need for friends or if I truly had these beliefs in my soul, but a Christian lifestyle was starting to work for me, and by the end of high school I was immensely well-liked among my Christian school peers. Once high school ended, I did the only logical thing and went off to a Christian college. It was there that I learned to be a secularized Christian, and I learned that Christianity in such a cirle could gain me political as well as social capital. At this point, I could think of no other worldview than a Christian one, but at the same time I was dabbling in "sinful" activities (I guess this would be the point in my testimony where I would have some kind of awakening and re-dedicate my life to Christ). Out of guilt, I even went to do some mission work. As time went on, however, I was beginning to realize that I was ultimately powerless to the control of Christians in my life who would use my guilt and loneliness to have me do the "right" things, i.e., whatever it was that they wanted out of me. By my final year, I had lost many of my Christian friendships, and I went to Philadelphia to get away from such a staunch Christian atmosphere. Just as I was beginning to discover new things about myself, I entered into a relationship with a Christian girl that was ultimately disastrous. The realization that I was in more of a relationship with God than with her was the final stroke. In my mind I had denounced Christianity, but I had not made it official, and, in fact, couldn't even really put a name to how I was feeling. I had been living mostly Christ-free for about a year, when I went through a period of great personal difficulty. My mother agreed to help me on condition that I re-start chuch attendance with her, which I did out of gratitude. I had a couple of friends there, anyway, I thought, so it couldn't be so bad. What I discovered, unfortunately, were a group of control freaks, afraid to try anything once or even be exposed to anything remotely challenging. It was at this point that I truly realized how much of a role guilt had played in my life, and I came to officially denounce Christianity. That was in 2004, and I can't really say enough of how much it has helped my mindset. My denouncing of Christianity didn't really come with a great announcement. I don't volunteer it, but when my Christian friends ask "how I'm doing spiritually," I tell them all about it. Some have left me behind, others have stayed by my side. Maybe I'm just trying to avoid the drama. I haven't told my mother yet, I'm honestly afraid that the news would kill her. In the two years since I made this decision, I have yet to come across anyone else who had done the same, before coming to this site. Learning to let go of the fear and guilt that Christianity ingrains in you has been a struggle, but I think I'm doing pretty well with it. That's it, I guess; I'll fill in the rest of the gaps in some of the discussion topics. Thanks for reading...
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