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Brother Jeff

Regular Member
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Brother Jeff last won the day on July 21 2016

Brother Jeff had the most liked content!

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1,062 Wow

About Brother Jeff

  • Rank
    Glory!
  • Birthday 11/30/1965

Contact Methods

  • Website URL
    http://www.alaskanatheist.me
  • ICQ
    0
  • Skype
    jeffreid1701

Profile Information

  • Gender
    Male
  • Location
    Brenham, TX
  • Interests
    Hiking, cycling, Star Trek, football, religion, health, natural medicine, health coaching
  • More About Me
    I’m a professional evangelist. I travel the country — and sometimes the world, when the Lard magically commands it — trusting the Spook of Kryasst who is also somehow magically Him to magically cause those who hear me preach the Good News, the Glorious Bullshit about Kryasst, to believe and be SLAVED! As I’m sure you know, the most important decision we can make in life is our Sky Decision about who the Lard Jesus is and what we must do to follow Him.

    I couldn’t believe it when I first heard the Truth that 2000 years before I was born, the Lard Jesus Kryasst sacrificed Himself to Himself on the big giant stick to save me from the Holy Farter version of Himself! I always sensed somehow that something was wrong with me, and when I heard that that “wrongness” was because Adam and Eve killed my inner spook because they ate some magic fruit from a magic tree after listening to a lying talking snake and caused me to do shit that pisses Jesus off, even against my own will — well, it all just suddenly made perfect sense!

    The Word says that Jesus came to destroy the diabolical magical works of the Talking Snake (which He did when He Croaked in the Spook on the big giant stick), and the Word also says that Kryasst is gonna ride His Sky Horse down from the Sky Kingdom someday very soon to kick the Talking Snake’s ass for good! Glory!

    Considering everything that Kryasst has done for me, how can I NOT totally dedicate every moment of my life to Him and His glorious work all around this biblically flat planet? I say without shame or fear of any man that KRYASST IS MY EVERYTHING. He Croaked in the Spook and then Magically Undeadened Himself so that by believing that Glorious Bullshit, I could be SLAVED and go to live with Him in the Sky Kingdom forever after I Croak in the Spook. Hall-lay-LOOH-Yah!!

Previous Fields

  • Still have any Gods? If so, who or what?
    The Holy Farter! His Blasting Ass is Wonderful!

Recent Profile Visitors

9,249 profile views
  1. I'm not able to enter new topics or reply to existing topics in Chrome. Just for grins I fired up Microsoft's new Edge browser, and it all works fine, though a bit slow, but that may be my Net provider since it's satellite and the weather is bad here right now. The Talking Snake is magically causing it to rain. Glory!
  2. I’m a professional evangelist. I travel the country — and sometimes the world, when the Lard magically commands it — trusting the Spook of Kryasst who is also somehow magically Him to magically cause those who hear me preach the Good News, the Glorious Bullshit about Kryasst, to believe and be SLAVED! As I’m sure you know, the most important decision we can make in life is our Sky Decision about who the Lard Jesus is and what we must do to follow Him. I couldn’t believe it when I first heard the Truth that 2000 years before I was born, the Lard Jesus Kryasst sacrificed Himself to H
  3. Hasn't been that long since I checked in here but... things have sure changed. Upgraded the forum software? Hope you are all doing well and that the Lard is blessing! Glory!

    1. Show previous comments  3 more
    2. Brother Jeff

      Brother Jeff

      Hey everybody, yes, I am doing well! Thanks! Glory! :)

    3. Ellinas

      Ellinas

      Well, hello Brother!  May the Lard be praised for your good health and beneficial presence in this hallowed sanctum!!!

  4. Fundies... So far today I have heard that if we try to please an invisible sky man, everything will change... and prayer (talking to the ceiling/talking to an invisible sky man) sweetens the air...
  5. Bless the Lard! Glory!

    1. Show previous comments  3 more
    2. Brother Jeff

      Brother Jeff

      Thanks for the welcome back! Glory!

    3. REBOOT

      REBOOT

      Welcome back Bro ! The Lard is wif ya :)

    4. Brother Jeff

      Brother Jeff

      Thanks, REBOOT! Glory!

  6. The psych doctor I met with today was a foreigner and her name was... wait for it... Jizz. She is a nice person and somehow I managed to keep a straight face, though inwardly I was laughing my ass off. A doctor named Jizz... :D

    1. Show previous comments  1 more
    2. duderonomy

      duderonomy

      Brother Jeff, you are just making that up. That can't happen. Links please. Please.

    3. Naughtyhamster

      Naughtyhamster

      LOL! I have a friend whose maiden name is "Handcock".

    4. RealityCheck
  7. The Word says that Jesus came to destroy the diabolical magical works of the Talking Snake (which He did when He Croaked in the Spook on the big giant stick), and the Word also says that Kryasst is gonna ride His Sky Horse down from the Sky Kingdom someday very soon to kick the Talking Snake’s ass for good! Glory!

  8. We are moving from Alaska to Texas on Monday. Mixed feelings. But it will be good for our family to be together again... Glory!

    1. LogicalFallacy

      LogicalFallacy

      That is a big move! From frozen Alaska to baking Texas. All the best.

    2. Fuego

      Fuego

      Wow! That's serious change, but good BBQ awaits.

  9. I take authority over our kitchen, and I command it to clean itself in the powerfully magical Name of JESUS!! Glory!

    1. Fuego

      Fuego

      Perhaps your kitchen doesn't have enough faith.

  10. Hickety Shickety Dickety DICKETY DICKETY!!!

  11. You need to be slaved, and I praze GAWD that the Spook of Kryasst who is also somehow magically Him has magically convinced you of that fact! Glory! Here’s how to get slaved! Let’s walk the Romans Road together, shall we? You’ll notice that all of the following verses are from the glorious Book of Romans, which is why our journey is said to be on the metaphorical Romans Road! The first verse on the Romans Road to slavation is Romans 3:23, “For all have done shit that pisses Jesus off, and come short of the glory of Gawd.” We have all done shit that pisses Jesus off. We have all done things
  12. My cat husband Bandit got saved! He sneezed three times -- once for each Version of the Lard! Glory!

  13. HONDO ROMBO SHOMBO HOMBO!! YACKETY SCHMACKETY!! Who has the interpretation? Glory!

    1. Thurisaz

      Thurisaz

      It's Thor's day - let's get hammered!

    2. Ellinas

      Ellinas

      Nah. The Spook tells me this means "Save your sorry arses by donating now".

  14. The multiverse is bursting with super-sentient meridians, and my chakras are baptized in joyous resonance!

    1. Show previous comments  3 more
    2. Ellinas
    3. Margee

      Margee

      Yunea, you are my master in the 5th dimension!! (wide eyes) I bow down to you today!!!!

       

       

    4. duderonomy

      duderonomy

      I had my chakras baptized in joyous resonance once. It was ok I guess.

  15. "Through alternative medicine, our third eyes are transformed into consciousness. Crystal healing may be the solution to what’s holding you back from a staggering fount of chi. You will soon be aligned by a power deep within yourself — a power that is sublime, powerful."

    1. Show previous comments  2 more
    2. florduh

      florduh

      It's a quantum thing.

    3. Cousin Ricky

      Cousin Ricky

      Hanging out at that New Age bullshit generator site again?

    4. Brother Jeff
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