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Brother Jeff

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Status Updates posted by Brother Jeff

  1. Hasn't been that long since I checked in here but... things have sure changed. Upgraded the forum software? Hope you are all doing well and that the Lard is blessing! Glory!

    1. Show previous comments  3 more
    2. Brother Jeff

      Brother Jeff

      Hey everybody, yes, I am doing well! Thanks! Glory! :)

    3. Ellinas

      Ellinas

      Well, hello Brother!  May the Lard be praised for your good health and beneficial presence in this hallowed sanctum!!!

  2. Bless the Lard! Glory!

    1. Show previous comments  3 more
    2. Brother Jeff

      Brother Jeff

      Thanks for the welcome back! Glory!

    3. REBOOT

      REBOOT

      Welcome back Bro ! The Lard is wif ya :)

    4. Brother Jeff

      Brother Jeff

      Thanks, REBOOT! Glory!

  3. The psych doctor I met with today was a foreigner and her name was... wait for it... Jizz. She is a nice person and somehow I managed to keep a straight face, though inwardly I was laughing my ass off. A doctor named Jizz... :D

    1. Show previous comments  1 more
    2. duderonomy

      duderonomy

      Brother Jeff, you are just making that up. That can't happen. Links please. Please.

    3. Naughtyhamster

      Naughtyhamster

      LOL! I have a friend whose maiden name is "Handcock".

    4. RealityCheck
  4. The Word says that Jesus came to destroy the diabolical magical works of the Talking Snake (which He did when He Croaked in the Spook on the big giant stick), and the Word also says that Kryasst is gonna ride His Sky Horse down from the Sky Kingdom someday very soon to kick the Talking Snake’s ass for good! Glory!

  5. We are moving from Alaska to Texas on Monday. Mixed feelings. But it will be good for our family to be together again... Glory!

    1. LogicalFallacy

      LogicalFallacy

      That is a big move! From frozen Alaska to baking Texas. All the best.

    2. Fuego

      Fuego

      Wow! That's serious change, but good BBQ awaits.

  6. I take authority over our kitchen, and I command it to clean itself in the powerfully magical Name of JESUS!! Glory!

    1. Fuego

      Fuego

      Perhaps your kitchen doesn't have enough faith.

  7. Hickety Shickety Dickety DICKETY DICKETY!!!

  8. My cat husband Bandit got saved! He sneezed three times -- once for each Version of the Lard! Glory!

  9. HONDO ROMBO SHOMBO HOMBO!! YACKETY SCHMACKETY!! Who has the interpretation? Glory!

    1. Thurisaz

      Thurisaz

      It's Thor's day - let's get hammered!

    2. Ellinas

      Ellinas

      Nah. The Spook tells me this means "Save your sorry arses by donating now".

  10. The multiverse is bursting with super-sentient meridians, and my chakras are baptized in joyous resonance!

    1. Show previous comments  3 more
    2. Ellinas
    3. Margee

      Margee

      Yunea, you are my master in the 5th dimension!! (wide eyes) I bow down to you today!!!!

       

       

    4. duderonomy

      duderonomy

      I had my chakras baptized in joyous resonance once. It was ok I guess.

  11. "Through alternative medicine, our third eyes are transformed into consciousness. Crystal healing may be the solution to what’s holding you back from a staggering fount of chi. You will soon be aligned by a power deep within yourself — a power that is sublime, powerful."

    1. Show previous comments  2 more
    2. florduh

      florduh

      It's a quantum thing.

    3. Cousin Ricky

      Cousin Ricky

      Hanging out at that New Age bullshit generator site again?

    4. Brother Jeff
  12. I made blueberry muffins for breakfast this morning, but the Talking Snake attacked and magically caused me to get involved on the computer and forget about them. They overcooked fifteen minutes. However, in the midst of my trials, the Lard prevailed victoriously! The Lard JESUS magically protected the muffins! The outside of them is rather browned, but the insides are still perfect! They still taste great! Thank you, Jesus! GLORY!!

    1. Show previous comments  6 more
    2. Lilith666

      Lilith666

      This is accurate. People blame Satan and praise Jesus for ANYTHING. I know someone who thinks babies cry in church because Satan pinches them.

    3. rjn

      rjn

      "People blame Satan and praise Jesus for ANYTHING."

       

      I suspect Satan is behind the disappointing pizza I had earlier today, and I praise Jesus for a fairly mild hangover.

  13. HONDO ROMBO SHOMBO DOMBO!! HICKETY SHICKETY WICKETY TICKETY! Who has the interpretation? :D

    1. Lilith666

      Lilith666

      Hallelujah, it's raining men! Amen!

  14. Hickety shickety WHAM!! Wombely tombely BAM!! Shumbala mumbala BOOF!! I'm praying in tongues and kicking the Talking Snake's ass! Glory! :D

    1. Fuego

      Fuego

      PPPPPbbbbbbth! (Speaking in lips)

  15. Shumbala mumbala bumbala dumbala! Thank you, Jesus! Glory!

    1. pratt

      pratt

      interpretation: vsnity vanity all is vanity,,,,,

    2. Thurisaz

      Thurisaz

      Are you speaking in tongues again Bro? :P

  16. Have you asked the Lard to cum into your farts and slave your inner spook? He will do it! Glory!

  17. Bless the LARD, everybody! It's Easter, and JESUS is MAGICALLY UNDEAD!! Hall-lay-LOOH-Yah and GLORY!!

  18. I'm planning to be around here a lot more often now. I've pretty much given up on Facebook. Few people can relate to my views on religion or to my struggles with mental illness. So... I know I have many friends here who really care about me. So I'm here to stay. Glory! :)

    1. Deidre

      Deidre

      You're better off here. FB ...ugh. Too much drama and attention seeking behavior. Hope you are doing well, Jeff <3

    2. Brother Jeff

      Brother Jeff

      Thanks, Sister Deidre! Yes, I am doing well. Some mental health issues ongoing, but overall I'm okay. :)

    3. Thurisaz
  19. I'm blessing the LARD for magically making this day! I will be glad and rejoice! I will dance for my Imaginary Friend! Thank you for your magical Sky Joy, Jesus! Glory!

    1. yunea

      yunea

      Remember to speak in tongues as the Spook moves you! GAMBO BOMBO DUMBO!

  20. The Lard has magically led me to start a local blog right here on this glorious site! Please check it out! Thank you, Jesus! Glory!

  21. Have you asked the Lard to cum into your farts today? He will do it! Glory!

  22. Ho ro bo shaka rombo lo bobaloo! Gombo rombo shombo hombo! Who's got the interpretation? Glory!

    1. Thurisaz

      Thurisaz

      I like pie too :P

    2. rjn

      rjn

      Speaking in tongues? Glory!

  23. Well, I feel powerful in the Lard and like I can kick the Talking Snake's ass all over town today! I've prayed in the Spook to build up my inner spook, and I've read some glorious bullshit in the Book of Myths! Bless the Lard! Ho ro bo skaka rombo lo bobaloo! Thank you, Jesus! Glory!

    1. Show previous comments  3 more
    2. TheRedneckProfessor

      TheRedneckProfessor

      Brother Jeff, what must I do to be slaved?

    3. yunea

      yunea

      Yes lord thank you jesus father lord father. Shondala shandala father, father shondalalala! Glory!

    4. TheRedneckProfessor

      TheRedneckProfessor

      shooda boughta honda nstead iboughta hyundai.

  24. We had a major earthquake here in Alaska late last night. The house got a really good shaking, but we are all okay. Just some messes to clean up around the house. I'm blessing the Lard that it wasn't worse. Glory!

    1. Fuego

      Fuego

      The Farter must have cut a royal one! Glad you are ok.

    2. rjn

      rjn

      Didn't even know you got those in Alaska. Good to hear you okay.

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