I just love this forum!
I grew up in a christian school and church since i was 4 years old-i naturally assumed it was all true until i was 7. Thats when I had my first issue-this may sound silly- All the other kids in my class had these plastic ponies, but my mother wouldn't get one for me. So I prayed to god and asked that when i woke up one would be waiting for me. it wasn't there. That was when i first wondered-"Maybe god isn't real" But i kept believing or assuming rather for the next 7 years-I would pray everytime I wanted something or needed help-never got an answer. I kept re-"giving my life to christ" about once a year, each time hoping to feel better, or feel something at least-but i never did.
I prayed endlessly during my painful middle school years-not one answer.
When I was in ninth grade through 11th grade i pretty much abandoned christianity but in the back of my mind i just assumed that i was a rebel and was destined for hell.
The summer after 11th grade I went to church camp and as usual i avoided all religious activity. One of the camp councelors noticed that I wasn't a participant and saw fit to try to convince me to accept christ. As he rambled on about his testimony and such I asked him one question-"How are you certain that its real-that it's the truth?" his answer-"I don't know-I just have a feeling it is." then I said "Well I don't have that feeling and I never have. And I've tried really hard to feel it, but I don't." that was when I realized that I just didn't believe it because I had no reason to.
And like most of us-we really have tried to see it, to feel it-but we just don't
Over the next three years I spent some time actually reading scripture and realized that it just wasn't right-
inconsistancies in the bible,
the meanness of god-killing his children
free will and hell-impossible
sexism, homophobia, slavism, racism
god picking favorites (jews, also picking christians if you look at the bible literally)
god smiting and killing abundantly
VERY unfair if we all only were to have one chance then we should all be given equal lives on this earth-don't ya think? 80 years each-same wealth, living conditions, looks, etc-this is what really turns me off to it.
Well those are just a few things that I don't like about christianity-but there are many more where that came from!!!
I still suffer from some doubts and insecurities and guilt-its a long process-dechristianizing, don't feel bad if you suffer from these too.
Its like if you had a parent who abused you emotionally and told you, you are a bad kid, a mistake, you deserve to burn. It would take time to recover from that right?
right now I consider my self somewhat new age-but i really don't know-I believe that we should all be considered our own gods and that we all have equal worth-everything in life does really. I also believe that there could not be good without evil and vice versa. I also am looking into magic and the supernatural.
I'm looking forward to spending time on these boards!
best wishing to all on de-christianizing!!!