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Everything posted by Positivist

  1. I'm late to the party, but when I saw your post I had to comment. I too am a scapegoat. My mother is a narcissist and I was emotionally and psychologically beaten for many years. My father also disapproves deeply of me. Unlike you, I was unable to separate their abuse from my truths, and these things fused in my person. As a result, I've been in and out of therapy, over the years, but I finally have a therapist who does EMDR and somatic processing. It's intense but it finally gets at the root causes of my general forked-upness. Do keep us posted!
  2. Even 10 years out I still find cognitive dust bunnies or worse still lurking in dark corners of my mind. Patriarchy has shaped my very behaviours that it takes massive effort and self monitoring to recognize its impact and change my behaviours. The layers are endless!
  3. Yeah, criticism and advice may not be the way to go. Embrace her and tell her “You are going to have to sort this out. Let me know how I can support you as you do that.”
  4. I think it’s great that you’re going to set some boundaries. Since they’ll be trampled, have a plan. Are the kids on your side? Make a Fundie Xmas Bingo card so each of the kids can identify and track the cray-cray from gramps. First to get a BINGO gets another helping of dessert. Or inoculate the kids by having them secretly count boundary violations.
  5. Hi, TS0! I too thought I was fairly progressive. However, patriarchy and misogyny have a way of infecting the deepest processes in our psyche. I suspect I'll be "housekeeping" my brain until I die!
  6. I’ve been “clean” or “sober” (off Facebook) for two years now!!!! Between my fundagelical American friends posting crap that was pro-tRump and my marriage coming apart at the seams, I couldn’t handle it and realized it was poison for me. Good riddance!
  7. I was the same kind of Christian. There’s a book called “When God Talks Back” by cultural anthropologist TM Luhrmann. It’s about people like us!
  8. Positivist

    Inaugural Entry

    Welcome Riven! I look forward to hearing more about you. I was a worship leader too. I love your writing!
  9. Oh mymistake you are one of my favorite peeps on this site. Oh and me too on the wrong career!
  10. Correct! Everyone knows (the Lord especially!) that you measure liquids at the meniscus.
  11. Pentecostalism fucked me up so bad. I rue the day I got sucked into it!!!!!
  12. It’s so dumb isn’t it!? More like: KNOW GOD...NO PEACE NO GOD...KNOW PEACE
  13. Hi yunea! Wow that’s brutal!!! For me I find the grief associated with loss comes in waves. I’ve been out of Koolaid Land for a decade now and I still get smacked upside the head now and then with flashbacks. I think religion is like an illicit drug—flashbacks can persist for years after the drug was last consumed. Do you have a good therapist? (((Hugs)))
  14. Wow....... you nailed it! I admire you trying so hard to make church work for the sake of your family but I can totally understand that the rift in your authenticity--the gap between who you are and who you have to pretend to be--is too much of a burden to bear. Ugh. Wish I could support you in church--we could do some really good subversive and passive aggressive shit together.
  15. Yes, it's INSANELY expensive. That's the boat I'm on. (And that story is elsewhere. Koolaid, anyone?) To me, I think she sounds scared. She's scared you're going to change as a person (for the worse) into some awful monster with no morals. She's afraid for her and her children's stability--financially, emotionally, socially, etc. Maybe you can find ways to demonstrate daily that you are a better husband and father now. That might put her at ease.... My 2 cents!
  16. Maybe an atheist group could go around and put signs on the crosses that says "FREE WIFI HOTSPOT".
  17. Christianity is like syphilis or herpes! Getting it can be a bit of a buzz, but it's a pain in the a$$ to get rid of. And, worst of all, those that have it like to share it!
  18. Yes, me too! I struggle with social anxiety and introversion. Peopling drains me. I'm learning to laugh at myself and readily admit to people, when the topic arises and after the inevitable "YOU USED TO BE RELIGIOUS?!?!?!?, that "Yes. I was a real nut job for Jeeziz!" Own it!
  19. LOL!!! You're more bold than I am! I pretend I'm not home *or* feel compelled to answer if they *do* see me. I'm such a good Xian girl-puppet!
  20. I view the songs as the mythology it is. I cringe when people take it to heart tho. That’s kind of like me thinking The Lord of the Rings is a true story (it is a better story). I love good music so still listen to a lot of it. Having kids would add an element of difficulty tho!!
  21. I tell them I’m not interested. I want to hand them a glass of Koolaid tho!
  22. You and I have very similar journeys and dispositions. I found it helped me to laugh with other ex-Christians about the lunatic ideas we held. I’m more honest with people now than I ever was as a Xian. Now I tell people (as I feel necessary and if it comes up) “I was a religious nut case” or “I drank a shitload of Koolaid”. Laughing about it helps!! Our stories make us who we are. Our stories also make us interesting and unique.
  23. I LOVE your story!!!! (Here's mine: http://new.exchristian.net/2011/09/how-living-in-bible-belt-destroyed-my.html) I love your zeal and honesty, and the love you have for your family!! I'm so glad you and the Mr. are also thinking similarly--a HUGE benefit. A couple good peeps in TX are 2Honest and jblueep. They haven't been on ex-C for a while now, as they are more face to face people. If you're on Facebook (message me) and I can connect you guys.
  24. Word. Black and white thinking still cripples my mind. Every day it's a struggle to not think that way!
  25. Wow, I'm so late to the party!!!!! It's my new normal! I am not a parent (reasons posted elsewhere LOL) so am not really good for advice on this topic! BUT..... I think what you're doing is AWESOME. Raising 5 amazing kids, who are even demonstrating some critical thinking! You are being transparent and honest with yourselves and are finding ways to be honest and transparent with (in a way that is not completely destructive to) your dependents and others around you. I have so much respect for you and wish I lived in TX now! There are some awesome TX folks who are parents 'beyond belief'. Are you on FaceBook?
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