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traveller2

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Everything posted by traveller2

  1. Yes it's highly plastic. Fake joy. When I was a boy it was held at a local church. I knew for a fact this church was quiet but it was full to capacity that day, I saw it on telly, everyone dressed beautifully for a church in a very deprived district. I get a " special joy" to see that church today. It got deconsecrated due to falling numbers and was set on fire by local neds. It still stands...just...roof blackened and gaping, the whole structure fenced off for safety awaiting demolition.
  2. It's great when the lord knows you're thoughts and you don't even have to use words. I was thinking about work last night before I went to sleep and five hour later I woke for my shift, no prayer said,nothing. #soblessed
  3. Though anxiety is more my thing, at several times in my life SSRI anti depressants have been a great help when very depressed. Have you considered this route?
  4. I dny really know you're situation having only recently returned myself after a long break, I kinda drifted off. I somtimes feel you're better not doing things that can't be undone. I would have regretted it to hav deleted my account. Why not take a good break and if it's right for you to come back in future then you will do so with you're account intact.
  5. Even as a Christian I hated that programme. You are talking about the British religious show? Vulgar programme.
  6. I'm pretty good with my personality type, I am what I am. It has its challenges but in the last few yrs I've grown to like myself more and stop trying to be more outgoing etc.its given me some peace. In the church my introversion was seen as a disease to be cured ....one day.i was often told I needed to speak up more or that I was awfully quiet and other helpful remarks that inferred that I had great potential but just needed to be more....you know (often given with some wavy hand motion and nod of the head) which I think meant I needed to be more confident and chatty or somthing like that.Anyway the implication was I was slightly deficient in somthing and if only I'd be more like somthing....I'd be ....there??? Typical church BS. Or is it?fast forward to last night at a party. A very close and drunk freind of my girlfriend gibbering pish in my ear all night about that this is like getting blood out of a stone,that I'm a good looking guy if I just....Fuck knows...there were more wavy hand motions and head nods. Or the woman at work who told me out of the blue in a break time convo that I could hav any woman I wanted....if I was just more....yep you guess it ...more hand wavy gesturing and nodding of the head to indicate I needed to be more of somthing. I don't get people.I guess that's part of my introversion.And despite a good bit of experience post deconversion I just don't get women who I barely kno that feel they hav to tell me I need to be more....you know?....somthing! Listen this is a serious post so whoever chooses to reply pls dny give me crass comments or smart ass jokes.This has caused me pain for 25 yrs of my adult life.I had a good night last night.My gf and I partied,we drank a skinful and had a great time dancing.But it really clouds my experience to be told I'm somehow deficient in my humanity in the eyes of others.Like I say I am good with being an introvert since I accepted it some five yrs ago and I'm long long past trying to staple some act onto my soul to be someone else.Im just me and always will be.Part of accepting my introversion has been about being at peace with my character abd personality but it's difficult and brings up alot of pain when I'm told these mini analyses of who I am by well meaning people. Btw the pal of my gf:I kno her quite well and told her to Fuck off which she seemed to think was a great joke but then she was steaming drunk.
  7. Do you hav a back yard?you could out a stack of bibles out and arrange some branches etc over them and over time it might provide homes for insects.
  8. Always wanted to do one of those crappy "he is risen" posts on a forum pmsl
  9. Her speech should quiet and meek or somthing like that.ugggghhh! I prefer a woman with a fucking gob on her(as we say in scotland)!
  10. Or perhaps they are actually able to avoid not focussing too much if at all upon themselves and derive joy and satisfaction from another source. Fine for some but I can't do that and I doubt most others can either. I used to wonder about this too! I judged them quite harshly as a christian and thought them less devout lol.I did genuinely wonder if they ignored certain scriptures that at the time to me clearly taught you should feel shit bout urself.
  11. yep i agree.For my part I think it stopped my growth alot as a young man.even now i stll consider myself to be somewhat behind my peers in various aspects of life expereince and milestones.
  12. i still have one christian book in my possesion actually.Its a rather heavy copy of the letters of samuel rutherford which helps keep my broadband router upright on top of a cabinet as the weight of ethernet cables tend to pull it over, it helps keep my faith strong every day by stopping it leaning to the side.
  13. Good for you Cabbie,glad you found it a bit cathartic.It always makes me smile when i hear of ex christians doing this as I'll bet so many of us all did the same thingas christians ; a personal little 'hezekiah's reform' in our life from time to time; 'I'll destroy all this non christian crap and then god will get a hard on for me and i'll really start making some headway (lol) in my christian life'. For those that did engage in this i think that getting rid of your christian paraphanalia after deconvesion is very telling..... I mean its clearly a sign of FRUIT in your non christian life hahahah.
  14. ridiculous! Personally i was never impressed by churches that insisted on having some horrendous eight foot cross stuck somewhere in their sanctuary to 'remind them of the sacrifice of jesus' . Big statues cost alot but so they could argue its no different morally from any other art project however crosses are so bloody ugly and cliched.No one stares at them in wonder of the sacrifice of jesus.The statue of jesus in rio is way more inspiring and can be appreciated by people of no faith on its artistic merits and location.Imagine swapping that out for a 19 storey cross lol.
  15. Everyone gets their post ignored somtimes on forums,or the entire thread is dominated by a misunderstanding in the way the first couple of folk responded and everyone follows suit...that's worse bud. I ignore threads somtimes just coz I hav no decent answer to give or the thread requires a better answer than the trite one i hav time to give. Depends what day you post too.weekends can be quiet here aswell.
  16. Very enjoyable.i thought he got the creepiness factor just right.
  17. I get that off security guards.its really annoying.A couple of months back i reported one for it and got a good response from the store manager.If its a major store i'd send an email each time it happenes mate.Tescos were very helpful and apolegetic. Yeah i somtimes find women's main flirting/green light technique of the 'stare' creepy and annoying. mainly as I am not keen on eye conatct with strangers.im good with it in a bar or club but in the gym for example it is just really annoying.i think the genders differ alot on the best place for a number or pick up.ive had my ass touched by women in the street , museum and shops.Most think its really original and quirky but i think its pretty gutless myself plus they always doit if they've got a friend with them never on their own,like i say pretty gutless "move"...imagine if the roles were reversed. Re the main topic I somtimes think this too about women,they almost certainly get it alot more than men and it must be extremely draining.As a man i ignore everyone on the street,bus,and stores generally ...nobody likes being stared/leered at constantly when going about their business.
  18. I'm a good number of yrs out and I still find myself grieving.often I think of my teens and early twenties when I could hav had those useful formative experiences that the church told me were evil.however I think that my life is about continually recognising that those times won't come back and moving on.yes you grieve but u hav to build too and move on.in my deconversion I spent a long time grieving which was probably healthy.now and then it returns,coincidently it was quite strong today,and I could wallow in it forever frankly but it never helps,my heart never says it's grieved enough. The truth is for me,iI wasn't strong enough to be in that world. I chose christianity honestly but I also knew I could hide and shelter in it and not hav to grow or experience the pain of rejection,heartache,loss etc.but ironically I found all that in a different expression.i chose the way I went.i do often think I might hav killed myself or got into drugs as a way to cope.christianity stabilised me aswell as lied to me and fucked me up and I lied to myself.could I hav live the life then that I wish I had now? Honestly I don't think I could hav and when I realise that each time I catch myself grieving I hav to admit that tho it was all a bit shit everything kinda evened itself out.waste of time being a christian but I don't kno that those yrs would hav been great.
  19. Say one thing but do another. Talk bout love but be a pure cunt.
  20. I reconverted once.it was when I was bout 25.i never fully deconverted but was definatly on the path and had told a few folks I wasn't a christian anymore.strangely it was splitting up with a non christian who I thought I loved lol (how green I was) and in my extremely superstitious faith I decided that was god punishing me or disciplining me rather lol to go back to him since I was so hard hit by her dumping me.god how I wish to Fuck I'd just held on a little longer.itd be another 7 yrs before I left the lard again and deconverted to the ex christian I am today. Also it was during the last phase of my christian life that it became most dangerous :believing in and researching prophecy crap,fasting and praying,going on healing and deliverance retreats and finally going to seminary.
  21. I'm embarrassed of my christian past and as a result dont mention it very much atall.Most folks I know offline i have only really gotton to know since deconverting and only a couple know of my christian past and can scarce imagne me in that role.Mostly I dont see the need to bring it up.I think its been about 7 yrs since i started to move away from it so its all a fairly long time ago, people dont need to know.Im just glad its in the past,the present and the future are whats important.
  22. Christian s all taking my lying psycho ex wife side when we split up coz they believed her crocodile tears and "wee woman " act.the fact that all the "men" of the church and seminary did this without considering for a second that I might actually hav my reasons for leaving her.they probably all wanted to "kinsman redeem" her...christianese for "quick,fuck her now she's single".Fucking mangina's. I just couldn't believe they could not see that's there are 3 sides to a marraige break up: her side,my side and then the truth. There were other things too inc her compulsive lying and gaslighting but that was a biggie.
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