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openpalm45

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Everything posted by openpalm45

  1. There were many things that led up to my deconversion but 2 main things. The first one being that even though I had been a Christian all of my life and had been seriously seeking God for over 3 years, I never had an "encounter" with him. My friends would talk about "God's presence" and would be on a Jesus high, and I felt nothing. For a long time I felt rejected by God. Then I thought he was trying to teach me something. It was prophesied over me that I would have a "break through" but that never happened. It got too emotionally draining chasing after a God who obviously didnt want me. The
  2. Margee! You are the best. Seriously. I think all of us agree that you are one of the best people we know (I even said that in a message I wrote to NYK). You are so incredibly warm, loving, and kind. If you see someone is hurting, you will write a 10 paragraph response, just to give them hope and let them know that you care, even if you dont really know them! I see it happen often. I dont know many people who love and care like you do. It is a beautiful thing. So, you had a bad day. Im sure thats the only time I have ever seen you respond like that. But even then, you care and you apologize
  3. The tights I wore last night smell like Fritos. Strange...

    1. nobodyyouknow

      nobodyyouknow

      If you tell me what Fritos are then I'll tell you whether or not I think it's strange too :-P

       

    2. openpalm45

      openpalm45

      Fritos are corn chips! It just a brand name for them.

    3. openpalm45

      openpalm45

      And I dont remember the last time I had corn chips, so Im pretty sure my legs dont smell like them.

  4. I still see some kindness and goodness too but often feel it is overwhelmed by the bad stuff in the world. I was 45 before I realised everyone else was not like me. Clearly I'm a bit S L O W. Just naive really, even though I grew up in a ghetto and have been through some devastating life experiences. I have no idea why it took me that long. I had to be utterly devastated by other human beings before I could give it up. Weird. I went through some crazy shit and was on the verge of a nervous breakdown before I learned that it was okay to have boundaries. Ive always felt different from every
  5. I dont know how many times I have felt taken for granted. Its one of my biggest fears now, and probably the main reason I am afraid of relationships. There is nothing worse than being taken for granted... Christianity deeeefinitely did not help. But thankfully I was in such horrible, shitty situations that I have had to learn how to say no and to have boundaries. Even though those situations were difficult and painful, I know that without them I never would have learned how to have boundaries. Hmm... Its a lot to think about. I think I am still naive in a lot of ways, but I really d
  6. You sound a lot like me when I was younger. Now I just realise people are assholes and don't get too affected by it. I expect people to be mean bastards now. Still don't like it though. I have largely withdrawn from people because I don't have the capacity to protect myself from their harshness Hmmm.. Yeah, when I read your earlier post I related a lot to what you said. I will gladly accept any advice you can give on how to shield myself! I dont want to be cold and harsh, but I dont want to be too vulnerable and shriveled and wounded either..,
  7. I agree. Im not interested in being defined or joining into some kind of self diagnosis. I just think it makes for interesting discussion and it can be helpful in understanding yourself and others. GAH I HATE THIS NEW QUOTE THING, I AM SO BAD AT IT!!! hahah
  8. My sensitivity can also be seen in my deconversion in how sad I am to lose the idea of justice in the end. I think about how many people have terrible lives. Starving, dying, sick people. Children who get raped, people who are never really loved. There is no god to right the wrongs and heal the wounds. There is no heaven for people to go to. That pain will never go away for them. There is no happy ending. There is no justice. This absolutely BREAKS my heart, and it has been the hardest thing for me to deal with since I have deconverted. Ill watch a sad documentary about people who hav
  9. Thats really sad. He must be afraid of losing his faith. Most Christians I know do not want to have discussions about their faith with me, but I have known 2 awesome exceptions. One girl, who is one of my best friends and a guy who I became friends with a few months ago. We were able to have honest, real, genuine conversations. It was really cool. At the end of one of the conversations with the girl she said "I know it doesnt make sense. I know it is illogical. But I cant not believe." At least she is honest!
  10. Also, in regard to leaving parties early: I am actually a very social person. I just need smaller groups and I prefer being around people I feel I understand because there is less information to take in. I think this particular issue is why I have a hard time being labeled as an extrovert or introvert. I am not shy and I love being social and being around people. But I do get over stimulated often, and need to be by myself. Sometimes I feel physically ill if I do not get that alone time. Edit: I am also very sensitive to things people say or how they treat me. I can get hurt more ea
  11. I know people tend to be skeptical of these kinds of things, with good reason, because its so easy to say "Oh, me too!" But I agree with others in saying it can help you understand yourself better. Even if I dont relate to all of the things listed that are traits for HSP, I definitely relate to a lot of them. For instance, I really do soak up how other people feel. Its difficult being in a bigger group of people, because its so much information that I am trying to process, and I get overwhelmed very quickly! I have often had to leave parties or social gatherings early for this reason. Or som
  12. Man... I love you guys, but damn you can be vicious!

    1. Show previous comments  12 more
    2. Akheia

      Akheia

      I think I've missed something here.

    3. openpalm45

      openpalm45

      Just messaged you, Akheia!

    4. openpalm45

      openpalm45

      Yes, it was! I deleted some messages, so it should work now.

  13. Cant sleep and bored! Someone give me something to read!

    1. Show previous comments  9 more
    2. mymistake

      mymistake

      Jetlag sucks. The time I went to Manila I couldn't sleep there and when I got back my body finally was on Filipino time so I couldn't sleep here either. But they had good beer.

    3. Akheia

      Akheia

      Some crazy Russian's put the entire Man-Kzin Wars online...

    4. falemon

      falemon

      Read the book of leviticus, it's an ancient sleep recipe ;)

  14. I posted mine in another thread, but the thread got deleted. Its too much to write again! Thanks for posting your story though!
  15. Fantastic summary, BDPA. And to think, I used to love the book of Job...
  16. I was in a car accident right before my deconversion. A huge semi truck ran through a red light and smashed right into my door. I had two broken bones and my shoulder was jacked up, but I survived. Over and over again I kept hearing from Christians "God was looking out for you!" "Im so thankful God was there to protect you!" "God saved you for a reason!" "God is so good!" I just smiled at them, but didnt know what to say. It all sounded so ridiculous that God would save me when horrible things were happening to other people all over the world. Two weeks later, my brother in law's
  17. Updated my "About Me" section finally!

    1. Show previous comments  2 more
    2. Thought2Much

      Thought2Much

      Now florduh, do you remember what we discussed about being a creepy stalker person?

    3. florduh

      florduh

      Yeah, T2M. What are you wearing???

    4. roadrunner

      roadrunner

      Awesome update. i like "i don't know" we don't hear that enough in the world today. we often choose foolishness simply because there is no better answer. (I.E. "The universe had to come from somewhere....duh"

  18. I enjoyed reading your post. It reminded me of a Simpsons quote. "Suppose we've chosen the wrong God. Every time we go to church we're just making Him madder and madder."- Homer Simpson I'm glad things are getting better for you and your family!
  19. Yeah, it never ceases to amaze me how self centered so many Christians are! Even the kindest, most well-meaning Christians live in a world that is so self focused and they do not even realize it. But then again, that was me until I realized it!!
  20. Maybe I read her post differently than many of you. This is what I see when I break it down: (Her posts are in red. I havent gotten the hang of the new quoting system!) "Ok, so I'm reading through some of the threads and I'm thinking ...am I going to be needing to wear a bullet proof vest before I start to post? " Okay. Legitimate question. I would be afraid to be a Christian posting on this site too. "Obviously there is a lot of anger, bitterness and definitely hatred towards Christians and Christianity here." Again. This is an objectively true statement. I dont t
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