blackpudd1n

It’s been a long time since I’ve been here, but I had to come back. I just heard the news. I am so devastated. Too bad, Mark- I’m bawling my eyes out. You were a friend when I needed one. I can’t look at the old PM’s, I can’t bear to. I was okay until I read your final goodbye message to us all. I was lucky to have known you. Farewell, friend.

Congratulations, all the best, and I absolutely love your wedding website!

Hi Dr. Winell, Thank you for taking the time to respond to this old topic. I'm no longer very active (well, not active at all) on the forum, but a little birdy told me about your response. I would like to apologise for any remarks I made that you have found personally hurtful or offensive. I have moved a long way in my thoughts on the issue since I first wrote this post. My thoughts on any mental health diagnosis, recognised or not, these days is, "well, if it helps the person, and helps them get well, then I have no problem with it". My perspective changed a lot when I helped a friend. She was consumed by a fear of hell, and it was interfering with her life and her relationship.I had never seen anything like it. She went and saw a therapist, and was diagnosed with anxiety, which is true, to an extent, but she wasn't improving. I just could not work it out. Finally one night I started researching in frustration. I was at it for hours, until I stumbled across Scrupulosity, which falls on the obsessive side of the OCD spectrum. I sent some links to my friend, and she said, "omg, that's me!" She went and saw her therapist and told her about it, and her therapist confirmed that it was a good fit for what her issues were. Her doctor's response was that because it wasn't in his computer, it didn't exist (yes, the irony is not lost on me). But she got a script for anti-depressants. And she has recovered really well since then. As a medical professional herself, the turning point for her was the knowledge that she had some chemicals out of whack in her brain. That was something she could deal with. So I have got a very different perspective these days. And you were very right in saying that I jumped to conclusions. After I wrote this topic, later in 2012, I commenced a course in critical thinking. It was one of the best things I ever did. I think it was later. I can't quite remember if it was just afterwards or not... I was in a lot of pain when this topic was written. I had just decided to get a hysterectomy done; I was 26. I was angry, and in denial of my anger. And I couldn't afford to express any of that, lest the operation I needed so much was denied to me. I ended up having to fight for it, anyway. You may be wondering why I am telling you all of this. I guess I'd just like you to know that I was angry in general when this post was written, and in pain, and looking for things to be angry about. That I am genuinely sorry for the assumptions and pot shots I took at you because of that anger and pain. And that I hope you continue to help others heal with your work. Pudd

Hi Melancholy I come from a family much like yours. No one wants to think about having a psychopathic parent, but that is what my biological mother is; a psychopath. And she used religion as a means to control, manipulate, and abuse. My sister and I were never meant to have a life of our own, never meant to marry; we were a retirement plan for her, and one that backfired badly. Neither of us talk to her anymore. No-contact is hard, but if no-one else is going to look out for you and fight your battles, then you have to look out for you so you have the strength to fight your battles. I also have bipolar type 2. I've been up, and I've been down. I've had many a day when I've wondered why the fuck I bother. In all honesty, when I'm at my lowest ebb, there's only one thing that keeps me going; pride. Just can't give any motherfucker the satisfaction of getting me out. You can get me down, but you can't get me out. I live on my own. I'll be 28 in a month, and I have been living in my own apartment for the last 3 years. I finally went back to work six months ago, after being out of the workforce for five years. It's not easy, I won't lie to you. But you kind of just work things out as you go along. Some professional support is a good idea as you make the transition to independence- like seeing a psych nurse or case manager once a week, just to check in. Your doctor is unethical. Time to fuck him off. Most doctors are not unethical like that. Make a complaint and put his licence on the line. Start introducing people to the concept of not fucking with you, because you fuck back. There is a system there, use it. It's very cathartic to do so. You're not a christian anymore. You don't have to forgive people for being arseholes to you at the drop of the hat. You don't have to forgive them at all, if you don't want to. But most importantly, I hope you find the strength to stand up and fight for yourself. Because life is pretty fucking awesome when you start doing things on your terms. P.S.- I'm with everyone else who recommended a second opinion on the bipolar. Your reaction to Effexor is atypical for a bipolar person, so it's worth mentioning. not doubting that you may have something going on in the chemistry department, but losing that particular label would sure as hell take away a lot of potential control factors from your parents. As an antidepressant, Effexor tends to send bipolar people sky-high. This is the reason that a lot of bipolar people take mood stabilisers instead. If you were hypomanic, giving you an antidepressant is the last thing they'd normally do- they'd put you on some anti-psychotics as well as your mood stabilisers for a bit. I'm on the anti-psychotics for a bit myself at the moment- the change of seasons is messing with the brain chemistry a bit. It happens. Antidepressants are actually the pathway for many bipolar people getting diagnosed. They go to hospital depressed as all fuck, so they get given antidepressants, and a couple of days later they're sky-high, and the shrinks are like, "ah, so that's what's going on!" Take them off the antidepressants, chuck them on the mood stabilisers, maybe add some anti-psychotics if needed, and Bob's your uncle- brain chemistry settles in a couple of weeks to a month. Just something to think about, maybe look into I've been on Effexor. Fuck that shit, hey. I went wild for four months. Drank every day. Got my first tattoo. Got my nose pierced. Moved 500km north, moved 500km south. Got a cat. Got another cat. Got another cat. Bought a car. Crashed two cars. Pissed off for a road trip and went SHOPPING! I blew $40,000. Bipolar and antidepressants. Just don't mix, hey.

You know the questions I'm going to ask, Brother Jeff. Have you been eating? Have you been sleeping? Have you been drinking? Have you been doing any drugs? Have you been taking your medication? Not only that, but have you factored into the equation how the change of seasons may be affecting you? You know this shit, man. Do what you need to do to put the gremlin back in its box, and you know the synchronicity and religiosity will reside. You can do it, man Bipolar hugs

"I'm sorry you feel that way, but I've come to realise the error of my ways and have started worshiping cats on the internet. I hope that you will also come to see the error of your ways and do likewise."

This was posted in 2010. Valk is not on the forum anymore.