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Everything posted by blackpudd1n

  1. It’s been a long time since I’ve been here, but I had to come back. I just heard the news. I am so devastated. Too bad, Mark- I’m bawling my eyes out. You were a friend when I needed one. I can’t look at the old PM’s, I can’t bear to. I was okay until I read your final goodbye message to us all. I was lucky to have known you. Farewell, friend.
  2. Just thought I'd pop by and say HI :)

    1. Show previous comments  8 more
    2. SilentLoner


      Welcome back Pudd!

    3. blackpudd1n


      Hi Margee! :) Hi SL! :)

    4. blackpudd1n


      How are your studies going, SL? Are you finished and out doing your thing? :)

  3. Congratulations, all the best, and I absolutely love your wedding website!
  4. I think I'll just hang here for a moment. Been a long day.

    1. Show previous comments  4 more
    2. blackpudd1n


      How have you been?

    3. mymistake


      I'm good. The kids are doing fine. Things are better with my folks. We are looking forward to the holidays.

    4. Blue elephant

      Blue elephant

      Good to see you here!

  5. Hi Dr. Winell, Thank you for taking the time to respond to this old topic. I'm no longer very active (well, not active at all) on the forum, but a little birdy told me about your response. I would like to apologise for any remarks I made that you have found personally hurtful or offensive. I have moved a long way in my thoughts on the issue since I first wrote this post. My thoughts on any mental health diagnosis, recognised or not, these days is, "well, if it helps the person, and helps them get well, then I have no problem with it". My perspective changed a lot when I helped a friend. She was consumed by a fear of hell, and it was interfering with her life and her relationship.I had never seen anything like it. She went and saw a therapist, and was diagnosed with anxiety, which is true, to an extent, but she wasn't improving. I just could not work it out. Finally one night I started researching in frustration. I was at it for hours, until I stumbled across Scrupulosity, which falls on the obsessive side of the OCD spectrum. I sent some links to my friend, and she said, "omg, that's me!" She went and saw her therapist and told her about it, and her therapist confirmed that it was a good fit for what her issues were. Her doctor's response was that because it wasn't in his computer, it didn't exist (yes, the irony is not lost on me). But she got a script for anti-depressants. And she has recovered really well since then. As a medical professional herself, the turning point for her was the knowledge that she had some chemicals out of whack in her brain. That was something she could deal with. So I have got a very different perspective these days. And you were very right in saying that I jumped to conclusions. After I wrote this topic, later in 2012, I commenced a course in critical thinking. It was one of the best things I ever did. I think it was later. I can't quite remember if it was just afterwards or not... I was in a lot of pain when this topic was written. I had just decided to get a hysterectomy done; I was 26. I was angry, and in denial of my anger. And I couldn't afford to express any of that, lest the operation I needed so much was denied to me. I ended up having to fight for it, anyway. You may be wondering why I am telling you all of this. I guess I'd just like you to know that I was angry in general when this post was written, and in pain, and looking for things to be angry about. That I am genuinely sorry for the assumptions and pot shots I took at you because of that anger and pain. And that I hope you continue to help others heal with your work. Pudd
  6. Hi Melancholy I come from a family much like yours. No one wants to think about having a psychopathic parent, but that is what my biological mother is; a psychopath. And she used religion as a means to control, manipulate, and abuse. My sister and I were never meant to have a life of our own, never meant to marry; we were a retirement plan for her, and one that backfired badly. Neither of us talk to her anymore. No-contact is hard, but if no-one else is going to look out for you and fight your battles, then you have to look out for you so you have the strength to fight your battles. I also have bipolar type 2. I've been up, and I've been down. I've had many a day when I've wondered why the fuck I bother. In all honesty, when I'm at my lowest ebb, there's only one thing that keeps me going; pride. Just can't give any motherfucker the satisfaction of getting me out. You can get me down, but you can't get me out. I live on my own. I'll be 28 in a month, and I have been living in my own apartment for the last 3 years. I finally went back to work six months ago, after being out of the workforce for five years. It's not easy, I won't lie to you. But you kind of just work things out as you go along. Some professional support is a good idea as you make the transition to independence- like seeing a psych nurse or case manager once a week, just to check in. Your doctor is unethical. Time to fuck him off. Most doctors are not unethical like that. Make a complaint and put his licence on the line. Start introducing people to the concept of not fucking with you, because you fuck back. There is a system there, use it. It's very cathartic to do so. You're not a christian anymore. You don't have to forgive people for being arseholes to you at the drop of the hat. You don't have to forgive them at all, if you don't want to. But most importantly, I hope you find the strength to stand up and fight for yourself. Because life is pretty fucking awesome when you start doing things on your terms. P.S.- I'm with everyone else who recommended a second opinion on the bipolar. Your reaction to Effexor is atypical for a bipolar person, so it's worth mentioning. not doubting that you may have something going on in the chemistry department, but losing that particular label would sure as hell take away a lot of potential control factors from your parents. As an antidepressant, Effexor tends to send bipolar people sky-high. This is the reason that a lot of bipolar people take mood stabilisers instead. If you were hypomanic, giving you an antidepressant is the last thing they'd normally do- they'd put you on some anti-psychotics as well as your mood stabilisers for a bit. I'm on the anti-psychotics for a bit myself at the moment- the change of seasons is messing with the brain chemistry a bit. It happens. Antidepressants are actually the pathway for many bipolar people getting diagnosed. They go to hospital depressed as all fuck, so they get given antidepressants, and a couple of days later they're sky-high, and the shrinks are like, "ah, so that's what's going on!" Take them off the antidepressants, chuck them on the mood stabilisers, maybe add some anti-psychotics if needed, and Bob's your uncle- brain chemistry settles in a couple of weeks to a month. Just something to think about, maybe look into I've been on Effexor. Fuck that shit, hey. I went wild for four months. Drank every day. Got my first tattoo. Got my nose pierced. Moved 500km north, moved 500km south. Got a cat. Got another cat. Got another cat. Bought a car. Crashed two cars. Pissed off for a road trip and went SHOPPING! I blew $40,000. Bipolar and antidepressants. Just don't mix, hey.
  7. You know the questions I'm going to ask, Brother Jeff. Have you been eating? Have you been sleeping? Have you been drinking? Have you been doing any drugs? Have you been taking your medication? Not only that, but have you factored into the equation how the change of seasons may be affecting you? You know this shit, man. Do what you need to do to put the gremlin back in its box, and you know the synchronicity and religiosity will reside. You can do it, man Bipolar hugs
  8. Telling a pissed-off Pudd to watch her temper does not generally end well.

    1. Show previous comments  2 more
    2. ConureDelSol


      Are you talking about the cats or yourself?

    3. Margee


      That's us!!! fiesty chicks!!!!

    4. NeverAgainV


      Fiesty chicks! don't take no shit :D

  9. *Initiate essay-writing panic attack!*

    1. Show previous comments  5 more
    2. stryper


      :cue puddin therapy:

    3. Akheia


      You can do it! You've got this!

    4. Galien


      you will do great, you smart. bash panic with stick.

  10. What did I do today? I spent a rainy Saturday in my pyjamas, lounging around with the puddins and a friend, eating camembert. That is how Saturdays are meant to be spent :)

    1. TrueFreedom
    2. ilovemybrain


      I've had a day like that too - much needed!


  11. "I'm sorry you feel that way, but I've come to realise the error of my ways and have started worshiping cats on the internet. I hope that you will also come to see the error of your ways and do likewise."
  12. Got the most amazing gift in the post from my cousin- a professionally made photo book with pictures of my grandparents, my aunt I never met (she died when I was young), pictures of my grandparent's farm... In effect, the family album I never had. Yes, I did bawl my eyes out.

    1. Show previous comments  5 more
    2. TrueFreedom


      Excellent, pudd1n! :D

    3. mymistake


      So much win! Good for you Pud!

    4. Margee


      That's a beautiful gift to have Pudd!!I'm glad to hear you got something really nice!!

  13. Puddin hugs for everyone :)

    1. Show previous comments  9 more
    2. noob


      Hugs to you!!!

    3. SilentLoner
    4. ficino


      Hugs, and scritches and belly rubs to Bruce and Wednesday.

  14. This was posted in 2010. Valk is not on the forum anymore.
  15. I found a better form of wonder and joy- learning. I never had a spiritual experience as intense as the feeling of utter elation that I get when I have struggled to understand a concept and finally get it. Religion had an answer for everything, and gave my opinions to me. Now I get to investigate an issue and work it out for myself. But that's just me. Some look to space, others look to science. Some delight in the feeling of the grass under their bare feet, while others the feeling of the cool night breeze. There are animals and children to take joy in, flowers to smell, and everything is all the more amazing because it all evolved through natural selection. Take an intense interest in every single thing you see, study it, learn about it, and you'll soon find that sense of joy and wonder all over again Welcome to Ex-C
  16. Dude, you're not even 18 yet. Ergo, you are now 17, so five years ago you were 12... I'm starting to smell a troll, and I think the troll may have just slipped up.
  17. Coz its yummy In that case, I have a smorgasbord available
  18. Worst bout of insomnia in a long time. Fuck this shit. Sleeping tablets, here I come.

    1. Show previous comments  3 more
    2. Fuego


      I like doxylamine, the antihistamine used in Nyquil. It is available as a tablet over the counter.

    3. Galien


      oh yes we can get that here in mersyndol tablets

    4. blackpudd1n


      I took a temazepam today, will think about a seroquel later. See how I go tonight. You should see my house. I've managed to completely trash it somehow lol. I'm at least feeling a little more with it since getting some sleep. Might take the night off studying and try to clean the house. The more disorder I see, the more disorder I feel.

  19. Someone remind me again why I'm the one taking medication here?
  20. I only just caught this now lol. Oh well, better late than never. When someone uses critical thinking skills in the way you've described, they are actually being intellectually dishonest. The rules of logic, reason, the classification of rhetorical devices and logical fallacies were not put in place to allow someone to win an argument, but rather to examine their own thinking and biases. We are meant to use them more to catch our own flawed thinking and to help guard us rather than for the sole purpose of winning arguments, as many seem to use the skills.
  21. Oh good, I've got something right today. My daily quota has been filled
  22. I think I get your gripe, Stryper. The dude's being inconsistent, and you're annoyed by his somewhat flaky loyalties when, up until now, he's presented himself in a different light. That, and then there's the issue of seeming to tell everyone else how to live their lives, and bailing out, against his own supposed convictions. Let me guess, this is the sort of guy who'd always tell you what a "real man" (ie. himself) is? And that, if you're not just like him, you need to man up? Your gripe really hasn't got anything to do with living overseas or not, or taxes, really, it's more about someone saying one thing over an extended period of time and then doing a 180 when the going seems to be getting tough. If I'm right, then I get it. Annoys the fuck out of me, too, when a person's convictions aren't half as strong as they've made out. That's the whole issue; them shouting their opinions from the rooftop and then their actions not following through. You wouldn't mind so much if he'd always just kept that shit kind of to himself. But it's when it's shoved down your throat at every turn and then they pull a 180 that it's fucking annoying. It's like, you put me through all that shit, made me listen to all that fucking garbage, and then it turns out you never really believed it all that strongly in the first place? You fucking wanker! If I'm way off, please just disregard
  23. We don't know enough about what makes a mind a mind to even properly define the term, let alone put limits on how a mind can be created. I reject this statement as unprovable and unsupportable. I think Aaron may actually be referring to Bishop George Berkeley's argument that "matter does not exist except as a form of mind". It was meant to be a refutation of materialism, but it was destroyed by David Hume in his Treatise on Human Nature.
  24. What is with my cats and diarrhoea? I shit you not, they shit a lot!

    1. Show previous comments  2 more
    2. Galien




    3. blackpudd1n


      It's not the food, Galien. They're eating Holistic Select. Completely natural, no grains or anything else added, at $50 a fucking bag and $2.15 a fucking little tin. Wednesday's diarrhoea was caused by food intolerances brought about by the coronavirus. She can only eat poultry or allergy food. Her diarrhoea's under control.

    4. blackpudd1n


      Bruce has flare ups of colitis. He's always had a bit of a funny bowel, though in the past he's tended towards constipation.

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