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TotalWreck last won the day on December 19 2014

TotalWreck had the most liked content!

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About TotalWreck

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  • Birthday August 15

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    Music, Music, and more Music!
  • More About Me
    Just a confused person trying to make some sense of this world.

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  • Still have any Gods? If so, who or what?

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  1. I joined this site five years ago (can't believe it's been that long!), and the first two years I was on this site all the time and it was so comforting to me while I was going through my deconversion. But once I finally got pretty much completely deconverted, I got to the point where I was just so sick of discussing religion and god that I wasn't even interested in talking about it at all so I kind of just quit coming on here. The only reason I really come on every now and then is to PM a good friend of mine who was my friend on here from the beginning. So maybe that's another reason less
  2. Well, once again I got weak (I've been going through a tough time lately), and in my moment of desperation, I decided to pray to "God" again. Like I'd done many times in the past, I did my whole, "God, if you just do this one little thing to let me know you're listening and that you're there, I'll start believing and praying again." It was a simple little request that a powerful "God" surely would've been able to do to let me know he was there and listening. But sure enough, nothing happened and my little request did not come to frutation. I feel like such a fucking fool and I'm angry that
  3. They didn't change at all. I've always been a liberal person.
  4. As usual, my one request was ignored by god again......Looks like I don't have to go to church with VioletButterfly after all..... It was such a simple request. I guess you're right St.Jeff, I didn't have enough faith again . Besides, if he was busy looking after the starving children, I'm OK with that. I'll 'wait'. Yes..No and wait....I always had to wait......Damn! Margee, don't feel bad. I must "confess" myself - just last week I did the whole, "OK God, I'll give you one last chance to prove you exist. All you have to do is blah blah blah". It was a simple favor that a supposedl
  5. Exactly. Castiel, let me tell you something - do NOT trust temp agencies/recruiters. They were somewhat OK pre-2000, but now they are a total joke. Most of them are scams - they'll post fake job openings online/in papers to lure people into their agency. When they call you to invite you in, they will tell you to bring in two references. Then, when you come in, they will take your references (to peddle their pathetic services to your references, not to actually find out about you) and then flat-out tell you that the ads they post online/in papers are fake because they want to get people
  6. I completely agree! Margee is one of the kindest people I have ever met. No matter how busy her own life gets, she always manages to find the time to give encouragement and advice to others (myself included!). The world would be a better place if there were more Margee's, and I mean that!
  7. I never had more than one bible at once, but this is how messed up my head was when I was deconverting: Each time that I swore I was done with Christianity, I would tear up my bible and throw it into the trash. Then a month or two later, I'd get weak and desperate, try to believe again, and go buy another bible. I went through this cycle probably 6 times before I finally completely got it all out of my system and was totally done believing. Looking back, it sad to see how pitiful and scared I was because of all the fear that had been put into me. Glad those days are over!
  8. Good points, Deva and Voice. Although I always enjoyed solitude, for much of my life I felt incomplete and rejected if I wasn't part of a couple. Of course, that led to being in shitty relationships! One year, I forced myself to face myself, just me, deliberately alone. (I took to the woods like Thoreau, which helped; but one could do the same anywhere.) I was terrified. At first I felt worthless. How could life have meaning without somebody to love and share with? Then sometime in that year -- I couldn't tell you when or how -- I discovered I was having the time of my life. I'd never
  9. That's a good way of looking at things. Still, I get lonely sometimes...
  10. Galien, you've been de-converted for quite a while haven't you? Yes, it started in about 2007 I think then just took on a life of its own. An estrangement with my kid over the past 12 months has made everything worse. It is like both of my main foundations in life have fallen apart. I am lucky I have a kind, loving partner, but not even that is holding me together this time. I guess its just too much to lose. Believe me, I can relate to feeling like a shadow of your former self. Luckily you have a partner; I don't even have that.
  11. Amateur, the fact that they've discovered it early is a huge plus right there. I can already tell from the positive attitude in your posts that you're going to beat this thing - no doubt. We're all sending positive vibes your way!
  12. Thank you for not telling me I'm crazy. I need to have SOME sort of dream or goal. I'm not dreaming of becoming some A-list movie star; I just want to act in any thing, even little productions. Please - just say "I want to do this." Then do it. Its that simple. Don't think in terms of A-list movie star, just see what happens. In the last post you said that now you have the answer, right? Now, you must actualize it or make it a reality. Thank you for such good advice and support! I knew I would get such good advice on Ex-C.net - you ALL have always helped me make sense of
  13. Thank you for not telling me I'm crazy. I need to have SOME sort of dream or goal. I'm not dreaming of becoming some A-list movie star; I just want to act in any thing, even little productions. Not delusional in the slightest. And local theater companies are often eager for new talent. If you try out and don't make it into a production on your first shot, becoming a crew volunteer is both fun and a great path to eventually getting into plays. Not quite a substitute for being in the arms of the Almighty, but with acting at least you know it's all make-believe. And it sound
  14. If you have natural talent you could probably get in with some independent theater groups and do plays. Plays are fun to do. You would start doing minor, supportive roles and readings in the back during practice. I'm going to have to start seeing what I can do to get started. I live in a small town, but I do live 2 1/2 hours away from a big city. Since I only work 4 days a week, maybe this is something I could focus on the other 3 days of the week.
  15. That sounds great. Like you, being a part of some sort of art or creativity is the one thing that makes me feel alive. I have something I can't explain inside of me that I need to channel into a way to express myself...something that connects with my spirit and makes me happy.
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