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About Dory

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    drawing, animation, music, film, tae kwon do, history, the universe, sunsets, animals...
  • More About Me
    Christian from birth, also gay... the church has a field day over this topic, and I've seen too much hatred and self-righteousness to carry on blind (I was pretty self-righteous until I started accepting myself).

    I'm here to question EVERYTHING.

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  • Still have any Gods? If so, who or what?
    maybe..? not so sure anymore...
  1. I haven't really been on here for a year or so, because I haven't really felt the need to after I de-converted from Christianity. I basically went through years of hell with my mental health due to severe OCD and struggling to accept my lesbian sexuality under a very strict self-imposed 'I must be a good straight christian girl' mindset. Suffice to say I pretty much broke after 8 years of that, and ONLY started to improve after I threw my bible out. I just couldn't do it any more, my mindset was killing me and I wanted out. I grieved a god that I truly loved, but hated at the same ti
  2. I haven't posted in a while, and although I lurk, I haven't as much I usually do lately. I've been going through the worst depression I've ever had the pleasure of having, I want to live (thankfully) but I'm worried that'll start to waver at some point too. I don't know where else to ask, but since this is a specific site for people who have dealt with the hell that is religion, how did you put yourself together afterwards? I de-converted over a year ago, it wasn't a slow process, it was more of a 'this is killing me, I need to get out now' sort of deal. I came out to myself a fe
  3. LOOOVE! thankyou, so strange how much this resonates
  4. The church/christianity and its policy on sexuality was the thing that really started the whole mental illness problem, particularly depression and anxiety leading to some not so nice thoughts, but i know its all a load of bull, so it was situational. But I went through it for years, and my brain just got stuck on this cycle of depression after depression. Not good. But I know the way out now, and its getting better
  5. I realised recently over the past week or so, that I am in fact, free. I don't know why it didn't hit me sooner, but now its a daily occurrence instead of a monthly 'oh'. It might be to do with the fact I began CBT therapy a couple of weeks ago, and the thought patterns that crushed my spirit are now slowly being re-wired and new, more positive, thought patterns are being created (about bloody time!). I seem to have a lot of worry about the future (especially in relation to mental illness since it has plagued me over the last couple of years of the cult), but I know time will heal t
  6. this topic got me on the path of de-conversion. i suppressed my sexuality (lesbian) for YEARS AND YEARS, because i thought god didn't like it. iv just gotten rid of all my religion books and 90% of them were on this issue so I could understand more about what god wanted me to do. I swear it nearly killed me, I deconverted an absolute WRECK, and never felt more worthless in my life. I'm still dealing with latent discomfort in my own skin, but that's because I was vulnerable, naive, and fell for the bullshit hook line and sinker. so glad that part of my life is over. if anyones argument
  7. Would totally be a C, I've been thinking about this a lot lately actually. I came to the same conclusion put forward in C, that I just couldn't force myself to like or love the Bible God again. Even if I wanted to , there's just too much evil and damage done...
  8. thanks for replies. tbh, the death thing doesn't really freak me out too much, at this moment anyway. I've just been through a lot and am probably still hurting a lot more than I want to realise, I've been in dark places I never want to go again and thought the religion was keeping me together, when in fact it was tearing me apart. But you're probably right about it all being us in the end.. we've always been complete (no holes to speak of really!) I have a tendency for deep philosophical ruminations... especially early in a morning.. or while having a bath. The point/meaning of life i
  9. I stopped believing months ago, after finally having enough in January.. I don't believe, and have been through hell and back with this damned religion, but part of me still wishes there to be something. I know its fruitless and I've been hurt way too much to ever return to Christianity (or any religion) but I feel like I'm in the final stages of being fully free. I just need something, an anchor of sorts, whether its a different perspective or way of thinking about life, to fill the hole.. I may have posted something like this before, months ago, but I'm more of a watcher than a pos
  10. Dory, the fish from Finding Nemo. I'm a ditzy person/clumsy by nature, so it fits perfectly really No pic yet, will get one up there at some point.
  11. When I was a Christian, this made me sob like nobodies business... now as xc, it's more like emotional manipulation when looking at it logically. This completely ignores so many factors of theCchristian faith that pushed me out of it, and prefers to go in for the the soft, squish, 'jesus loves you like no one else ever could' angle. i could still get emotional from this but for COMPLETELY different reason; like the massive amount of damage and disappointment it left me with.
  12. thanks again, i really appreciate it. I think you're right about the grief. Hit's me at odd times (like just now as I was about to go to sleep, had a little cry) I've felt blue all week, but have little 'ahh' moments when I'm with people I love or doing something I enjoy. I hope life will be like that all the time, not just in the little moments. I need to cultivate a more positive outlook, I always jump to awful conclusions.. like 'oh no! you're feeling blue, so your depression is coming back!', etc... It's probably no the case, I've staved it off before after a while.. just a poop
  13. thank you again, I love ex-c! I will take all your comments into account I'm aiming to get fit this summer anyway, so exercise wise I'm set. Cooking sounds like a good thing to do, especially since it means I can invite lots of people over the my new house when I move in. Dinner parties!
  14. This topic isn't really on the 'meaing of life' per se, I just didn't really know how to label it. I'm defintely an atheist now, and its starting to sink in that there's nothing there. And I'm getting upset about it I don't miss the awful anxiety/depression and stress it caused me, but general everyday life is getting stressful too and I don't have the necessary tools to deal with it (leaning on God and all...) well. My anxiety is returning slowly, and I'm terrified of falling into the dark place I was before (though it was religion induced, so hopefully not). I feel like I'm
  15. - part time events artist (face painting, balloon twisting, etc) - full time masters student starting in Sep (Animation!) - I love drawing, reading and movies. - Introverted, but finding I'm becoming more extroverted as I get older. Happiest with friends and family. - Ex-c since Winter, getting to the 'angry' phase now. - Still pondering life and all the deep philosophical stuff...
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