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Akheia

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Akheia last won the day on March 11 2013

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About Akheia

  • Birthday January 3

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  • Gender
    Female
  • Location
    United States
  • Interests
    Baking, sewing, writing, tabletop gaming, Sims 3, history
  • More About Me
    40something ex-UPC. Once a preacher's wife, now a happy heathen. I de-converted some 20 years ago and I have no regrets. Also, I'm not that good at math.

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  • Still have any Gods? If so, who or what?
    Dunno/duncare

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  1. Man alive, I just live for those moments when someone decides to lecture everybody about what TRUE CHRISTIANITY™ involves. When the lecture combines tons of unsupported assertions about the supernatural, I get just giddy. And when the lecturer decides to throw in some paean to whatever they think was the One True Original Christianity That Was Totally Corrupted by Evil BAD CHRISTIANS, guys, it is like Christmas to me. I'm not kidding. I'm laughing over here. What a load of horse bollocks. Dude has no idea in the world what the history of this religion is, much less how many squabbles about significant doctrines and practices existed from the get-go, but he's very, very sure that all these burned-down churches were obviously doing Christianity all wrong. Of course, those Christians would say he's wrong. And they'd have Bible backing them up too. But we'll ignore that. MUH CHRISTIANITY! All these versions of Christianity--many thousands of versions, many completely contradictory and competing--and not a single person believing in any of those versions can adequately demonstrate to any other believer why their particular quirky li'l take on the religion is truer to the original religion (whatever the hell THAT might be) than any of the other versions. It's the Problem of Wingnuts that I talk about sometimes, y'all. Without a tether to reality somehow, without being able to point to objective reasons for holding any belief, nobody can convince anybody else that they're wrong. Real talk: the big problem with Christianity is that there IS no original version of it, untouched and uncorrupted by evil nasty fake Christians. It was always a clusterfuck of (pardon the phrasing) biblical proportions. Nobody could agree on anything at all. Even in the Epistles, we see evidence of catfights between the earliest leaders in the religion. Sometimes those disagreements even got violent (St. Nicholas bitch-slapping Arius, etc.). Also, the Bibles that escaped burning are, as someone's noted, very probably printed on flame-retardant paper. Hardly a miraculous situation, so that kinda blow the entire theory of "my god wants his bibles to survive but not his churches" out of the water. Uh oh! Also also: PEOPLE'S BUILDINGS BURNED DOWN, BEVERLY
  2. This. He sounds pretty flippy-dippy to me. You may have dodged a bullet with this one. If religion's a dealbreaker for him, then he's not the one for you. But in the meanwhile, it hurts. It can indeed feel like having the rug pulled out from under you. You're right to feel that way. He started out the relationship on one footing, and then did a sudden 180 and now he's a religious fanatic upset with YOU and blaming YOU for something that isn't your fault at all, and worst of all expecting YOU to go through a song-and-dance to help soothe his weird freakout. Dude's a loony, and you're quite right in saying he needs to stabilize before you're willing to consider anything with him. Something's going on here and it smells wrong to me. Do not change your religion just to make a man happy. Do not change anything major about yourself just to make anybody else happy. He sounds like the kind who'll just find more drama to punish you both with later on down the line. If you're not convinced that Christianity's claims are true--and why on earth would you be, since they are false and quite preposterous besides--then you're fully within your rights to let him know that you're simply not willing to play his Adult Pretendy Fun Time Game with him, and then let him go find a religious nutter who'll indulge his drama. Good luck hon. Religion poisons everything, and it sounds like it's done to you what it's done to many many millions of other people. You're not alone here.
  3. Akheia

    BAA

    My deepest, deepest sorrow for BAA's passing. I know I don't hang out much nowadays, but I always looked forward to BAA's very patient takedowns of Christian apologetics talking points. They were an education of inestimable value--just as he himself was an ex-Christian of inestimable compassion and intelligence. I cannot imagine the pain Maureen faces and offer my most profound condolences to her and the rest of BAA's circle of friends. I'll always remember this eulogy - and its optimism and forward-thinking. In these and many other ways, it was a perfect reflection of BAA himself. I will miss him.
  4. I wouldn't say that. Ever. If someone makes you feel bad and won't change the behaviors after you've made clear that those behaviors hurt you, cut 'em loose. You don't need to justify the decision to him either. You deserve good people around you who spur you to your best--not people who will trample you constantly. Don't take shit like that from anybody. He's not interested in your best interests. If you're not either, then you're going to see yourself dragged under by him.
  5. Let's just say these Christians were probably feeling a bit inadequate in their pants.
  6. FWIW, I think you did the right thing. That last conversation you recounted makes the guy sound very manipulative. He's still got his Jesus Blinders on, and he's acting super-Jesus-y, like a character in a movie--because he very likely sees himself that way. But to others, he comes off as, well, manipulative, creepily childish, and boundary-violating. You weren't asking him to put Jesus aside. You were just asking for the consideration anybody would ask for: to enjoy stuff you both like together. At least he's told you exactly where he stands. He's going to be rude, self-centered, and whiny every single time you two are together unless you do the stuff that only he likes and enjoys. How considerate of him! You can cut ties without a shred of guilt over the matter. I lost every Christian friend I had after I deconverted. Every single one. That's not uncommon, either. I know it hurts, and hope you'll find other good friends soon--people who'll give-and-take and enjoy the same stuff you do, and who'll gladly treat you with respect, courtesy, and compassion. You deserve people like that in your life. I just hope he was honest about not bothering you again. Let him instead go whine to his small group, his eyebrows squinched sky-high and amid maybe even some tears, that he'd faced real live persecution and demons had taken yet another friend from him for jus' bein' Christian, but he's planted a seed of faith in that poor heathen, and let him exult in their admiration. He's chosen his tribe. May he enjoy it. Oh, and the book at least that the movie's based on is pure bullshit. Steve Shives ripped it to ribbons on YouTube. This guy's an investigative journalist like I'm Betty Fuckin' Crocker.
  7. Most WTF: "God" made and planted dinosaur bones so that human beings would find them and work together to find out about Creationism. (From a guy who'd far rather have a trickster god than no god at all.) Yes, because that Bible-God dude is super into people learning stuff and working together, amirite? Most Blatantly Dishonest: Yeah, this older Christian Bible College student absolutely swore up and down that he had kept a prayer journal for a year and OMG YOU GUYS ALL HIS PRAYERS KEPT COMING TRUE. When I demanded to see a scan of the journal, he admitted he'd been lying. He made frequent miracle claims that were also obviously untrue and there was not a single fake-news story about such healings that passed him by that he didn't share with wide, astonished eyes. Most Oblivious: A Christian told this long, involved story that he said was a "parable" (his word, not mine) in lieu of a more substantive reason to oppose equal marriage. It involved two missionaries who went to two similar tribes of primitive African people who both practiced incestuous child rape. One missionary tried to understand their culture and didn't tell them that child rape is bad. The other insisted to his own tribe that it was bad and that the people must stop it immediately. The first missionary's tribe died out of disease and whatnot, while the second missionary's tribe flourished. So therefore same-sex couples shouldn't be allowed to get married and/or adopt kids. The Christian telling his story made it a lot longer than this summary of mine and got very touchy when a lot of people poked holes in it and pointed out how racist it was and how poorly it illustrated his point in the first place. It was very obvious that he'd told that story many times to very appreciative audiences of Christians! Most Infuriating: a very very very Christian forum dogpiled a friend of mine to insist that he might as well rape his wife as give her flowers now that he'd deconverted because now obviously he had no sense of morality and the one was just as okay as the other to an atheist. They were absolutely sure of this point. Most Unintentionally Telling: I've lost track of how often a fundagelical guy has told me I'll be raped in Hell by demons. Sometimes if I get lucky the guy doing it will even describe what a demon's penis looks like. It's like they go from Jesus wuvs you! to OMG DEMON RAPE in .08 seconds. Most Tiresome: I've also lost track of how often Christians tell me they sure hope I find peace one day, announce that they've found a new way to practice Christianity that I've never heard before in my life, or ask me why I'm angry at "God."
  8. By attacking your motivations, Mags is recentering the conversation on you and what she views as your suspicious motivations rather than on your concerns about the religion. She does this because in Christianity these attempts tend to be brutally effective. (Silencing tactics work much the same way, and are equally effective.) She literally cannot address your actual concerns, so her goal will be to make you feel bad for even doubting the nonsense you've been indoctrinated with--and if possible to get you to doubt your own common sense. After all, millions of Americans weren't abused as kids or suffered a bad home life, and they still have very negative views of Catholicism. Others were abused and are very firm Catholics their whole lives. Abuse has nothing to do with it, but Christians often think that it does. My husband is a near-lifelong atheist (rejected the whole stinking rotten mess of it in childhood) and had a fantastic relationship with both his parents and an idyllic childhood--and he just laughs when Christians try to imply that his non-belief has something to do with trauma from childhood. As you get to know more ex-Christians, you'll start seeing that "rebelliousness" is pretty much the opposite of what drives us out of the religion. For many of us, we actually sought the truth with all our might, and yet the more we learned, the more ridiculous and harmful it all seemed. I wouldn't doubt that Mags herself may have raised similar doubts once and been silenced in much the same way--or that she saw some unlucky fellow Christian do it and get slapped down, since Christians tend to lead with the arguments and tactics that they think personally are the most effective. Once you know what to look for, it'll become much easier to identify these attempts to get you to pipe down and quit asking who's standing behind that curtain over there.
  9. You may forget but

    Let me tell you

    This: someone in

    Some future time

    Will think of us

     

    --Sappho

  10. Hey, CircesSong, I just wanted to say - I'm sorry you're going through this. Someone tipped me off elsenet that you were here and my heart just went out to you when I read your post. You're not alone. I'm the one who wrote the Promises post mentioned earlier and I still totally feel the way I wrote about a couple of years ago. I don't have specific advice beyond to proceed carefully, which it sounds like you're already dedicated to doing. Your situation is very serious and I agree with the earlier poster who thinks you could benefit from a secular counselor, whether or not your husband wishes to go with you -- but I do want to gently add to the excellent folks here that if you just muscle through this period and keep your head high and your feet on the high road, it will work out one way or the other. It always does. It hurts like hell along the way though. Only the person directly involved can know where their line is, and sometimes someone might choose to pay a price that others wouldn't pay, or balk at paying one that others would. It's your life, and your finite time on the planet: do what you think best. It can be scary at first but you've got a lot of company. Best wishes... and congrats on this heady new period of discovery!
  11. You do what I did when I moved to a country where they don't speak English. You learn a new language. And there's no better way to learn it than immersion, is there? But you ask some very good questions.. 1. This is perfectly natural. I'm not going to lie to you and tell you not to worry. Nobody knows what comes next. But now at least you do not have the false comfort of a lie to keep you from thinking about it. Whatever comes after death, it was going to happen regardless of what you believed about it. Every one of us wrestled with that question, I'm willing to bet. Every human being alive has died and has probably had to think about death at least a little. You are part of a vast brotherhood: humanity itself. Christianity teaches its followers that they don't need to fear death, that one experience that every single human goes through. Your eyes are open now. It might hurt a little as you adjust to the light, but you're part of the brotherhood now and you know it. I welcome you! 2. You may never have known how. Most Christian groups kinda throw people together willy-nilly and assumes they'll all get along, and as long as they share the same big hobby, they generally do. You need a new hobby is all. I'm a tabletop gamer and the good thing about being one is that there are always groups needing a competent GM or a good player. The SCA was great for me to learn new social skills in a supportive setting. Some ex-Christians end up joining Toastmasters or other groups to learn them. Others volunteer with animal shelters or tutoring or something. Meeting people and making friends with them is a skill and it can be learned. 3. If there is no god, then what was that "calling"? You're just used to a particular social paradigm, is all, it sounds like. You're used to relating to women in a particular way using particular social conventions and behaviors. And it sounds like you did just fine in that paradigm, since you managed to attract one to you long enough to get engaged to her. You'll learn the new rules just fine and repeat that success in secular settings. Welcome to the reality party It's loud and it can be hard to figure out the dance moves at first, but it's the best party there is.
  12. You seem very sweet and loving to your friend. I know you'll find the right way to talk to her when the time is right. It was very sweet of you as well to let that distressed woman have her little moment. I think I'd have reacted just like you did. I hope you get it worked out with your friend. My favorite misspelling is "Christain." It just seems like such a huge Freudian slip!
  13. That was sweet to read. You're so right. Sometimes I've envied my own sister her normal-seeming life; she has two kids, a marriage that's lasted like 25 years, a house in the suburbs, and all that. But she's told me she kinda envies my life too. I can sleep in on weekends, have sex whenever I want (with consent of course from Mr. Akheia), go out if I can afford it without arranging sitters and whatnot, and my life is not an endless parade of laundry, dog cleanup, and extracurricular activities. You never know what someone else sees in your own life. This health coaching thing sounds very exciting to me too. Good luck with it As more and more people get out of unhealthy lifestyles and start moving toward better decisions and paths, they're going to need help, I bet. Austin sounds like a great place to do that--Houston too for that matter. Very very much know you're supported in this endeavor. GLAW-RY!
  14. Joyce Meyers gets my blood boiling. Not only does she do that bullshit Prosperity Gospel, but she places all blame for all a Christian's problems on that Christian. Are you depressed? Clearly you just don't trust your god enough! Are you having issues in your life? You're not obedient enough! (Obedience is measured in great part, of course, by how much money you give to her "ministry".)She's nice and obedient (whatever that means for herself) so she gets a private plane and enough money to bathe in. If you don't have that, clearly you are doing something wrong spiritually and it's all your fault. I feel so awful for the Christians who don't know what a master fleecer she is.
  15. Or are the people who created him hoping you don't seriously critically examine the shit they are shoveling at you? If I were making a false religion, the first thing you can bet I would do would be to make critical thinking into a sin and gullibility into a virtue. Seems kind of strange that Christianity seems to involve so much gullible acceptance and mindless obedience, doesn't it?
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