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About justbreathe

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  • Interests
    Reading, writing, spending every waking minute with my beautiful boy
  • More About Me
    Agnostic, living in England used to live in N.Ireland, ex-Evangelical background

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  • Still have any Gods? If so, who or what?
    Big question, no answer!
  1. It's complicated, but I'm sure our stories are similar. I think it's important primarily because of how it made my mum. To this day she is very hurt over what happened, and I think that hurt and insecurity drives a lot of her dependence, which makes her feel threatened by me not being like her. My mum was an excellent parent, but as I've become older our relationship has fractured because we disagree on important things. I think my mum has been wanting "justice" all these years, and has always made me feel terrible for seeing my dad, sadly she still does. My mum needed a partner, someone to help (her parents died when I was very young too, and we were living with them after the divorce, and my grandmother had been a devout Christian). Making any sense?
  2. I'm cheating as this isn't my writing, but I've just stumbled across an interesting article on life in Northern Ireland, it sums up my experience too. http://heresyclub.com/2012/08/the-casual-theocracy-understanding-ulster/
  3. Thank you for taking the time to reply, it's really honestly very encouraging. I've had what most would consider a bizarre upbringing, but I'm at least grateful that it wasn't as awful as some I've heard about. Once I can string a few sentences together I'll write a bit more to get it off my chest
  4. I have a feeling any real testimony I could give would start out rambling and complicated, only to get worse. In a nutshell - I've been raised in a church in Northern Ireland by my single mother (parents divorced very young due to dads' infidelity - this is important, I think). The church was started by one of my uncle's, an Apostolic Pastor (and one of the few family members I'd feel vaguely comfortable debating religion with, funnily enough). The church is full of my family members, I'm from a very big, staunchly Protestant family. I left Northern Ireland and that lifestyle behind when I moved to England suddenly 7 years ago to live with my then boyfriend (now husband). I have only just told my mum, and ex-pastor, that I'm Agnostic. I have no idea if word has reached the rest of my family yet, I have a feeling my mum will try to keep it hush hush and get me back into the fold. I announced it because I'd brought my 7 month old son over there for a Dedication at my mum's church, really because I know she won't get to see him much, I don't believe the ceremony does or means anything, and it'll give my mum a nice memory. I regret doing it now, but was honest and asked for a Blessing instead of a Dedication. I don't want my son going through the same things I have. I studied to become a missionary, leaving after the first year of my degree because I couldn't stand any of it anymore. I knew I was being lied to at every turn, and couldn't understand why these people were so angry and hateful of the truth. There were some who had no emotional investment in Creationism or anti-homosexuality, for example, but they were the minority and still are. Christianity in Northern Ireland is a strange beast, it's mixed in with all the Old Religion pseudo-politics which have existed for hundreds of years. Even now, with The Troubles supposedly over, it's all hooked in there so you can't separate the "proper" Christianity in some ways from Unionism. It's hard to explain if you haven't been there, the religious atmosphere is stifling. You can't disagree, you can't be yourself. They hold everything back, abortion is still illegal even though it is legal in the rest of the UK. See? I said I'd get rambling. I'll probably come back and post a bit more as I think of it.
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