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Smokey4352

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About Smokey4352

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  • Gender
    Male
  • Location
    Australia
  • Interests
    Trying to figure out the truth and fix my crisis of faith by deconverting to another religion or changing denomination.
  • More About Me
    I am an Australian who has always been what you could losely call a Christian (but non practicing and I always seem to argue with full on believers and point out contradictions in the bible, I also completely reject the old testament and am aware of contradictions in the new testament and un-fulfilled prophecy, I do not believe the bible can be completely true/accurate) and has been optimistic. I also suffer from Obsessive Compulsive Disorder and it has been flaring up terribly with some bipolarish stuff going on. My marriage is failing also because my mental illness and my wife is a full on born again Christian who tells me that my OCD can be healed and it hasn't because I am not praying hard enough or do not believe properly. My mental illness is tormenting me with heaps of religious stuff and I see all the contradictions again - so that is why I am here. To deconvert or change religion/denomination.

Previous Fields

  • Still have any Gods? If so, who or what?
    Agnostic. Good pure love god.

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  1. Thank you for your thoughts, really appreciated. They moved in because they gave everything to their kids and their kids screwed them, they were forced to sell their huge 5 bedroom home because of it. My wife wanted to help them for a short period until they could rent. Actually I am a Canberrian too :-) I've probably passed you in the street before, you know what this place is like! I really have copped in earful! Whenever it came on the news it would trigger my MIL and would set her off on a rant. Actually my PIL tried to open my survey letter when they all arrived to tick no. Hi Lost in Paris, (what a beautiful place to be lost!) I feel and understand what you're going through, I hope things improve. Thank you for the book recommendation - I shall pick up a copy. Thank you for the kind wishes :-)
  2. Thank you so much Ann, much appreciated :-) I really know what you mean about feeling alone in a bad relationship, it's a frightening feeling at times too. Sleeping next to someone that may not have your best interest at heart. Thanks again -Smokey
  3. Thankyou so much to everyone for the overwhelming support and wishes. I am going to reply to the questions generally rather than quote each post because I am away from home (not home anymore) and I am on a small smartphone. I don't have any kids in this situation thankfully, but unfortunately this particular house is in my wife's name only. Although I have actively financially contributed to it. I probably could get something after a divorce because our previous house was in both our names and while we were separated for two years, she sold it and put all the equity into this new one. I am focusing on establishing myself in a flat for now and getting my mental health under control. In Australian law, constant seperation must be achieved for a year before divorce can be filed so I will be waiting a while before I can claim anything. Thank you all for the divorce advise too, you are right, it's over. I don't want a bad marriage to be the end of me, so I'm getting out. This whole thing wasn't for lack of trying I tell you! I was separated for my wife for two years from my last post in 2012, then we gave it one more try. It's going to be hard to be alone again but I suppose I can try to date. I definitely will stay around this forum this time because I want to explore why I am still effected sometimes by Christian doctrine. I want to explore also why it has been so destructive to my marriage. Perhaps I should financially contribute. Thanks again everyone. -Smokey
  4. G'day, It's been a very long time since I've posted. Where I stand is that I'm agnostic and not Christian anymore. But due to suffering from OCD, sometimes I fear religious content. So to cut a long story short, I am living with my wife again for a last chance at a broken marriage and her full on bible bashing pentecostalist parents have moved in. It was supposed to be for a month but it's been several now. My father in law has brought with him almost twenty five copies of the KJ bible with different covers and he leaves some of them all over the house which gives me the sh*ts. Sometimes he takes over the TV and watches Christian movies up very loud. I have managed to keep the peace until tonight and I spose I need advice on it please. So earlier in the night, my FIL had some Christian movie playing loud on the TV and I was in the same room on my Lappy trying to get some work done. The movie was starting to get to me and I looked up and saw some scene where a husband then wife was threatened by a Christian mob for not giving ALL the proceeds of the sale of their house to the church (presumably), the Christian shouted at them that they'd lied to God, then blood started running from their noses and they were dead and the mob coldly buried one then the other (before the wife was killed, she was told her husband was killed by god for his lies and buried, wonderful). Apparently this is a bible story but I don't recall reading it as a kid? I lost it and shouted at my FIL "This is like a f*cking horror movie and those innocent people were killed for not giving all their money to a cult!". Not very diplomatic of me I know. So he lost the plot and started shouting at me. Amongst the things he said was that I "saw it out of content" and that I needed to get down on my hands and knees then beg and apologise to almighty God for my blasphemy. He implied that God could strike down anyone and it was actually quite scary. I took it as a religious threat to conform and it stired up old fears that I hadn't felt since when I was more Christian. So I'm typing this on my phone in the garage, my wife wants me to stay in a hotel for upsetting her father. I wonder if the marriage is actually over. I still haven't got my head around all this but could someone please advise on the situation? What should I do? And has anyone ever tried to put the fear of God in you and threaten retribution? What are you thoughts on this particular bible story? What's made it worse is that my FIL has triggered my OCD and I am worried something is going to happen to me. My PIL are the kind if Christians that would probably enjoy someone being struck down for daring to challenge the bible. Thankyou for any advice and help folks. -Smoke
  5. That video wasn't off putting! That looks nice, I would love to have a hot asian chick a materialize in my room and start to passionately kiss me then bang me silly! Not to mention have two lovely ladies gently massage my head and neck whilst I eat dinner. YEAH!
  6. G'day, I was thinking today about Christianity from an outsiders perspective looking in and this has led me to some questions I could not answer myself and am after assistance. 1. The Christian bible contains clever mind traps to scare someone into belief and compliance. Is Christianity the only religion that has these things? Are there other religions or cults that have mind traps like threatening hell for non-believers (just to give one example of many)? 2. I have read the incessant replies and angry condemnation by Christians on this site to posts in the lions den. Sometimes their replies do not even address the base issues and it can be seen that they are sometimes clearly wrong but are sometimes so arrogant they cannot see the truth. Often when they are being flogged in an argument they will throw subtle threats about the consequences for unbelievers and other passive aggressive threats. They see others as inferior to them and believe so deeply and stubbornly (it even tells you to be stubborn in your belief IN the bible - clever mind trap!) in Christianity that no amount of showing them the truth will de-convert them. I wanted to ask, has any of the crusading Christians trying to 'save souls' here ever been de-converted? & If there any other religion or cult where the members/believers argue and crusade with similar vigor to the Christians? Or is it exclusive to them. Thanks for any enlightenment! PS I just want to add that I am not insulting any Christians just asking questions. I would consider myself agnostic but I used to be 'fairly' Christian. Maybe there is still of it in me I don't know. I am aware that alot of people on this forum used to be Christian.
  7. Oh yeah I forgot to add, Christianity threatens unbelievers with HELL. I had another crisis of faith years ago - If the bible doesn't talk about the concept of a soul or believe in it, how can someone perceive heaven or hell when they are dead because we know that the brain is what is needed to think and perceive - how can you do that without a brain in the ground when you are dead? A pastor told me that one day when jesus returns all the faithful will be physically RESURRECTED out of the ground even if cremated and heaven will be here on earth? People have been waiting years for this to happen and there have been 100's of false predictions. How much faith would be required to actually believe that is going to happen, that millions of faithful will be resurected like zombies and come forth from the earth. I have NEVER seen or read anything (credible) of physical Resurrections. That kind of faith to believe that would be LOGIC DEFYING TURN OFF YOUR BRAIN ALMOST COMPLETELY FAITH. So basically if we don't have that faith we go to Hell. Also why are there other religions? Which one is right? And why if someone is never exposed to the bible or christian believers they are NEVER aware of it, if it was true wouldn't there be some sort of signs and miracles all over the world, people seeing angels and demons, getting spoken too by Christs spirit when they don't know who he is etc (this is a weaker argument but you know what I mean). I wish I could of edited all that into my posts... please advise..
  8. G'day, (If this is not the right place to put this please put it somewhere else and PM me cheers) My name is Smoke and I am having a crisis of faith. I never really have been a full on Christian, just kind of felt there was something there but I don't know what. I have always seen the hypocrisy of most churches (except Anglican, I can accept them), my wife is a full on born again Pentecostal bible believing Christian and we are going through a rough path because I suffer from a mental illness - OCD which makes it even harder for me to attend church. I get negative evil intrusive thoughts things like 'you have committed the unforgivable sin against the holy spirit' and 'god wants you dead if you do X' (usually X is something positive) and 'If you ever leave Christianity you are a gonner because it was god that is keeping you alive' etc. It never ends and makes having a faith REALLY hard, how do you know if it is god talking to you or just the mental illness etc. During the bad time in my marriage recently my wife would go to church every night and ignore me. She would kick me out of the bedroom to read and pray with her bible. I thought she was righteous but I found out last night that 6 months ago she cheated on me. I feel empty in side and feel like she is a hypocrite. I must admit I have associated her treating me back with Christianity but I don't know if that is fair because although her pastor is a pentecostalist he is a friendly fair man that doesn't try to rip your money off like other penticost churches. He did say that my OCD is spiritual and may be a demonic torrent though. I am almost %100 sure that OCD is a brain disorder of unknown origin. I had a massive crisis of faith and everything when I read this site on a man that I dislike intensely telling a Christian OCD sufferer that her OCD is not a mental illness it is 'bunk' and that it is because she is looking inwards and not towards god. "http://www.behindthebadge.net/apologetics/discuss221.html" So anyway I tried to be a faithful Christian but I just felt worse and worse and received more biblical threats in my head. The only thing that made me feel better is reading this ex-christian site??? Including sites on bible contradictions. Because being rational is the ONLY thing that keeps me sane due to mental illness. I imagine rationality would be even more important if one had schitzophrenia. So this is what I don't understand, there seems to be SOMETHING to some forms of christianity, there is something positive for some people but the bible just doesn't add up? There are contradictions in it and lies - have you been to the site 'god doesn't heal amputees'? There are TWO amputees missing limbs at my wifes church and they are very faithful and go up the front for healing but they still are missing legs. They is a down syndrome kid who gets prayed for every sunday for years and although they say praise the lord he is being healed - he still looks and acts the same to me. My wifes parents are the most christ like people you could ever meet and I love to go and visit them - they are not hypocritical except for the homosexual hate thing. My wifes mum had a serious anyrism and almost died about 10 years ago and the hospital pretty much almost cured her except she still slurs a tiny bit but has a better memory than most - they said it was because she was miraculously healed, but would she be healed if it wasn't for the hospital work etc? It took 1 year to rehab her. I have met heaps of other christians that have had terrible stuff happen to them. I was actually worried that something terrible would happen to me if i joined the church. It clearly says in the bible that you will be healed if you pray!! Something just doesn't add up, I am SURE there is something to Christianity but what is it? What about all the child molesting priests in all denominations and the batshit crazy denominations like Jim jones church that killed his congregation. What about the the flirty fishers congregation - MAKING WOMEN PROSTITUTE THEMSELVES FOR FREE TO CONVERT PEOPLE TO THEIR CHURCH AND JESUS????? The IRA, how would god allow those things to happen? So I am sure there is SOMETHING but I don't know what. The only unexplained 'miracles' I have seen in my life has been synchronicity on a few occasions. Coincidences that are SO FREAKING improbable that it is a joke. I have had a few of these and they are mainly positive, not really related to the church or anything. Carl Jung talks about these things. I would love to one day get to the bottom of this and go with any religion that explains them. My two questions are -> Can anyone give me advice on what I am experiencing and advice on which direction to take? Have you been through this? and when you left Christianity and either went athiest, agnostic or some other religion - did anything bad happen to you etc like the bible and Christians say if you dare leave? Or did things improve? Thanks for any guidance
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