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Melancholy

Regular Member
  • Content Count

    37
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About Melancholy

  • Rank
    Doubter
  • Birthday 05/30/1990

Profile Information

  • Gender
    Female
  • Location
    "Bible Belt" Ontario, Canada
  • Interests
    History, Philosophy, Learning, Walking, Thinking
  • More About Me
    I'm going through the Deconversion process. I came here two years ago when it all began and then left for a while. I feel ashamed and am terrified to say this, but I am an ex-christian. I'm tired of being miserable and controlled. I'm 23 years old, live with my parents isolated in the country, have a part-time job, can't drive, and am not "allowed" to see my friends in the city. I've just had enough. I don't care what God thinks anymore. I want to be alive.

Previous Fields

  • Still have any Gods? If so, who or what?
    Some cosmic force we will never know.
  1. Today something incredibly offensive came on my news feed on Facebook. First of all, it's a few men in an accident...A motorcycle accident...They are all lying dead on the ground and one guy is fucking split at the waist CLEAN in half, Typical Christian scare tactic. It was saying how people who say they don't believe in God have died in horrible accidents. The thing that pissed me off the most was about Miss Marilyn(Monroe). Apparently she went on a talk show and said "I don't need your Jesus" and died three weeks later. I fucking hate, hate, hate whoever wrote that. Miss Marilyn had
  2. I agree...He actually wouldn't let me get a pelvic or gyno exam because sex is a sin,lol. And he lectured me about being sexually active and how I need to be married first. Oh dear. No.
  3. I am a cautious person and am trying to prepare but I do not know how long that will last. I may just get thrown out. My friend works for the city of Hamilton and says she can get me help to get set up. I think my bipolar will improve away from them, anxiety wise...When I became an atheist and stopped letting them control me that way I finally had the courage to get off Effexor and I have been so much better. I am preparing a resume and talking to my friends. I am trying to save money. I am working hard to get the courage. You guys have helped. I used to think I was insane... I am afra
  4. Yes, I have gone to college. I have a diploma in Office Administration and took several other courses related to that such as Business and other specialty office admin. I have also worked for Canada Post for 5 years on various mail delivery routes and have volunteered at a medical clinic since February... I like working and have had small jobs since I was 13. Now I work for Canada Post on a route as an assistant but it is very little money and I am trying to find a job worth more money. As I am 23 with my G1 I can apply for my lisence at any time and am a nervous driver. I struggle still a
  5. If you are of legal age, why can you not get your own job and get out on your own? I am not Canadian, but I know there is R.S.Martin on here who lives I don't think too far from you in Southern Ontario. She broke away and is a former Old Order Mennonite, practically as conservative as Amish. Her parents were WAY more conservative than your folks. Maybe you should talk with her? She might be able to tell you where to go and legally handle becoming free from your parents in Ontario and dealing with Canadian laws. WOW. Good Luck! That would be really helpful! Could I message her on here? Yes...j
  6. So you don't think I am crazy and that my senses are right? Thank you for the videos I really liked them.
  7. Thank you so much. I am very afraid of what my family would say if I went to ER and I think it would just re-enforce that I am weak. I am really grateful you guys care.
  8. Hello, everyone. I am here with an update. I am very grateful for your responses. I had no idea people cared so much and I am surprised to see how many answered. I find this so painful to talk about, and that is why I did not come right back. I will work on answering every single reply. This pain is locked so deep inside of me that I can't verbalize it. I have locked it down for many years and just...It just doesn't want to come out. I have been listening to ELO's "Fire on High" a lot recently and I think it really describes how I feel- my confinement and my dreams for freedom. My pare
  9. 23. Began to doubt seriously at 21 though. And all through out stupid youth group as a teenager, haha
  10. You know it's funny. Sometimes you have a problem so deep that you can barely talk about it and you just don't know what to say. It's just all so deep inside,locked up so you can hide the pain.

    1. TrueFreedom

      TrueFreedom

      Sorry you're hurting, Melancholy. Life is hard, especially for nonconformists.

    2. Melancholy

      Melancholy

      I have confidence that I will be better. I just want to move on and I will try to.

    3. asanerman

      asanerman

      "I'm as crippled as the dark world... When it comes to that which one of us isn't?... To lend each other a hand, perhaps that's the only work that matters in the end." ~paraphrased quote from Buechner's book "Telling Secrets"

  11. Thanks a lot. I am working up on saving money to move out because I can't stand it anymore. My Dad is under the opinion that it is wrong for me to move out because he provides everything for me...I asked him if it would be okay to pay my own phonebill and he said he would rather not even if I really wanted to. He is under the opinion that because I live in his house and he pays for me, I should not be unhappy and do whatever he says. I am miserable this way, and to be honest, shocked. I had a conversation about it tonight and I just can't believe how bad it actually is. You can imagine how
  12. Actually, I did watch Tangled, and this song is EXACTLY like my family...
  13. If you are of legal age, why can you not get your own job and get out on your own? I am not Canadian, but I know there is R.S.Martin on here who lives I don't think too far from you in Southern Ontario. She broke away and is a former Old Order Mennonite, practically as conservative as Amish. Her parents were WAY more conservative than your folks. Maybe you should talk with her? She might be able to tell you where to go and legally handle becoming free from your parents in Ontario and dealing with Canadian laws. WOW. Good Luck! That would be really helpful! Could I message her on he
  14. I'm not sure if I am in the right section, but I kind of need some help and hope. I think many of you have been through what I am going through now. I just don't feel like being alive anymore. My mother is very controlling of me, even though I'm an adult. Typical ultra Conservative Christian. I have Bipolar II and so I have been very easy to "control" and have had trouble starting my own life- so I still live at home. Worse yet, my Doctor is a Christian and good friends with my controlling mother so he often supports her. When I was hallucinating and seeing ghosts and poisoning myself I wa
  15. Back again! I'm glad to be back, it's been a long journey

    1. Show previous comments  4 more
    2. mymistake

      mymistake

      Good to hear from you again.

    3. crazyguy123

      crazyguy123

      I haven't met you before, but welcome back to ex-C.

       

      I know that you're currently having a rough time with your family. I hope you find a solution soon. Good luck Melancholy. :)

    4. Melancholy

      Melancholy

      Thanks so much, guy123. I'm so embarrassed to talk about it. I really appreciate your help.

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