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About Ellwood

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  • Birthday 01/03/1956

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  • Gender
  • Location
    South Carolina, USA
  • Interests
    History, Kayaking, Cycling, Sailing, Anthropology
  • More About Me
    Deconverted in early 2012. Father of 3 adult children. Two are still Christian, in fact one is an Ordained Presbyterian Minister. My youngest child is an Atheist! Yes! Need the support and community this site provides. My wife is still a Christian. My life often has many complicated moments. But then I am sure the rest of you have those moments also.

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  • Still have any Gods? If so, who or what?
    None, free at last
  1. I found myself in the same situation and did not come out in the best way. It came out on an Easter Sunday car drive. And it did not go well. Several conclusions. Someone mentioned don't make promises you can't keep like you will talk to the pastor, read certain books, attend church, etc. You will be tempted to say these things but in the end they will give your spouse false hope that you will return to belief. And your integrity will be questioned because I think you will discover these efforts are useless. I have had so many conversations with friends who "just want to chat
  2. So true how Christians think it is a choice. I have been told "if you love me you will decide to believe again". That just isn't so. But I know I would have thought the same thing when I was a Christian. I have come to a much deeper understanding now about belief.
  3. That was short, transparent, accurate and so wonderfully stated. If you can express yourself like that so well you are truly a person anyone would like to have in their life. Hang in there. This process can take time. Many of us have the same background. I often joke that I really don't know the procedure to order a drink at a bar! But I do know how to master a church supper! We hear you and understand.
  4. I have been busting to share what happened to me when I attended church on Easter morning with the whole family. First some history. I am a 58 year old ex-christian who was a former leader in this church and now is a fully out atheist. It is a fairly liberal evangelical church and everyone is super nice to me trying to win me back. Ain't gonna happen. So, Sunday I walk in with my wife with video camera ready to get my 2 grandchildren on film. 6 year old Grandson and 3 year old granddaughter. I am in the balcony with my christian wife sitting right next to the large prod
  5. Before I came "out" I was still attending church as an apparent "believer" but actually had deconverted, I actually caught myself whispering a prayer - "oh god, Please help me make sure I don't slip and reveal that I don't believe in you anymore to anyone." 50 years of sincere believing takes a while to purge. I have been "out" and pleased with the results now since Easter day of 2012. BTW, I don't recommend coming out on Easter because EVERY Easter now my believing wife has a difficult time. Hang in there, it takes time. We all understand.
  6. This was fantastic! I have hope for the world now. Wish my 6 year old grandson could answer like that but currently he is in the process of brain washing. Sadly. He needs a friend like your son!
  7. I had an interesting thought when observing my two grandchildren the other day. Years ago my wife bought me a large life-sized remote controlled toy tarantula. This thing is awesome. National Geographic sells them. It is hairy and measures about 7 inches at its largest diameter. Of course, as a grandfather I can't let that sit on the shelf when I have my visiting 3 year old granddaughter and 6 year old grandson! Down through the years I have observed that my grandson is always terrified of the spider. He has seen me turn it on and off, even replace the batteries. But when I pu
  8. Welcome Aiyana. I think most of us here completely understand how you feel after such conversations. Now 2 years into my deconversion I VERY carefully consider whether or not to go into details with someone when they want to discuss my atheism. I am completely "out" but I have rarely come away from any discussions with christian friends who just "want to see where I am at" with a feeling that it was worth my while. No matter how gracious, kind, accommodating we may be that response you got of "pride" in your words is very common. And like you, some of the people in my life who wa
  9. Hi Mick, Great post and congratulations on 8 years. I can really connect with 2 points you make. When I deconverted almost 2 years ago my wife also took that as a time to get in touch with her "inner fundy". Now she more regularly attends church, small groups, orders christian books and cds, and is seeking to be "holier than thou". The thou is me! And that is fine with me. Holy to me is not anything I aspire to. In addition we also have had some very intense moments over my deconversion but have continued to hang on and stay in love. These moments do come and go. W
  10. Any chance you are dealing with a narcissist? Do a google. If so there are some real good suggestions online of how to avoid their traps. Btw. Many pastors often mean the definition.
  11. Beautiful post. Great example to the rest of us of how to live at peace with our religious community as we serve and love people around us yet stay true to who we are. You showed genuine care for your friend and didn't have to mention prayer once.
  12. On another level, this sounds SO self-centered. Lots of: "I get...", "..in my life", "..healing me..", "...God surround me..", May I suggest another approach that doesn't sound like your evidence is only about making you feel good but rather should have merit on its own and not JUST because it is all about what it does for you? Lots of third world countries could use some direct evidence of his relationship and help. Referring back to the old "what would Jesus do" from my believing years, I think I am looking for kind of a "what would Jesus say" for evidence. Bet it would not b
  13. Yes, hell did have a role in my deconversion, among other things. As a believer, I traveled to Haiti several times and did much thinking about the people I saw there. Hungry, uneducated, living in mud huts or worse, malnourished, etc. And I thought, if these people can't clearly think through the formula for getting out of hell free they are doomed. These poor starving illiterate people are left out, not by any evil intent, but only through the accident of their birth location. What a crazy way to run a religion! If a loving reasonable god existed then his plan should be clear a
  14. Christianity continues to foster the notion that we are stupid, sinful and foolish humans. Here is my recollection of how I dwelt with challenging questions to my faith when a believer: I felt that there really was a valid true answer but I was just too stupid to know it or give it. I wasn't smart enough, read enough books, not gifted enough or not spirit filled enough. I was "stupid". God be gracious to me a fool. Poor old me. Instead now I realize I am not stupid, uneducated, etc. There never was an answer when challenged that was good enough! The "answers" that I am even
  15. And another thing - In a REAL personal relationship when one party says to the other "I am leaving unless you stop me" then there is at least some real effort to reach out and assure that person of your love and commitment. Not . . . . . . silence . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
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