DeadTOm

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DeadTOm last won the day on November 20 2018

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About DeadTOm

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    Thinker

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  • Website URL
    https://www.deadtom.me
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    deadtom@deadtom.me

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  • Gender
    Male
  • Location
    Missoula, MT USA
  • Interests
    Photography, Camping, computer and RPG gaming, my family, life in general.
  • More About Me
    Was raised a christian by a fanatically fundamentalist, far right, schizophrenic mother. Finally decided to part ways with christianity when I was twenty five but it took some time to shake off much of the lingering guilt and irrational, baseless fear and ignorance that it had instilled in me.

Previous Fields

  • Still have any Gods? If so, who or what?
    Nope

Recent Profile Visitors

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  1. More of that moral superiority that's been going on in the church for centuries. Pope Francis confirms priests' abuse of nuns included "sexual slavery"
  2. Bingo. It takes a mind bending level of moral gymnastics to read the old testament and still believe that god is a loving, kind, benevolent deity. So they have to come up with these horse shit phrases, that really don't say anything at all, to defend their continued support of that god. I've used many variations of this response over the years. Rephrase however you like, or don't.
  3. I remember being surrounded by this garbage growing up, and of course all of the girls at my church were all about Micheal W Smith and such. Now, twenty years later, I'll catch a bit of some modern christian contemporary music on the radio or youtube or something, and realize that the stuff being put out today is indistinguishable from what was coming out in the 1990's. It all sounds EXACTLY the same, and is no less nauseating now than it was then.
  4. I've been a member of these forums for a few years, mostly just lurking and very occasionally commenting. I've never actually dropped my story in here. Like most white Americans, I was born into christianity. My dad was never what you would call steadfast, or devout, but he claimed to be a Christian and as far as I know, still does. My mother on the other hand, was a christian fundamentalist, through and through. She was fanatic about her faith, and tried to instill that fanaticism in my brother and I. When we were little, it worked. It was easy. Why wouldn’t it be? We were little kids and we believed anything our mother told us. We grew up right in the thick of the satanic panic, and man, that shit had me and my brother terrified. I can remember, very clearly, the fear that any talk about “the devil” invoked at the time. We were afraid of everything. Cartoons, toys, movies, games, you name it. It all had the power of satan behind it. When mom told us the smurfs were satanic because there was magic in the show, we believed her and we became afraid of the smurfs. When she told us He-man was satanic, the same went there, enough that when I would see a He-man toy at a friend’s house, I would be afraid to touch it or even be near it. The same went for Dungeons and Dragons (kind of a given), rock music, MTV, you name it. If someone at church, or on the 700 club, said something was satanic, my mother was all over it, and it was banned from the household. My brother and I saw the movie “E.T” in the theater when we were kids, and of course we loved it. We had the books, the toys, the story cassettes, the stuffed animals, the posters, the t-shirts… E.T. was huge to us. Then one day, I believe in the third grade, it all just went away. I never saw what happened to it all but the murmur about the church was that it had all been burned. When I was four or five years old, we lived in a little trailer park on the outskirts of Casper, Wyoming. My parents had somehow decided to take in a foster child. She was a teenager and her name was Claudia. I’m not sure if it was supposed to be a permanent situation or if she was just staying with us for a while, but the situation was volatile right from the start. Somehow, my mother had become convinced that Claudia was practicing witchcraft. My mom claimed to have seen a demon in the living room, and that Claudia had made the vacuum cleaner move on it’s own. Again, being a small child, I believed all of this without question. I would go on to repeat the stories my mother told me about Claudia, to my friends growing up. At some point, Claudia packed up her things and ran away in the middle of the night. I never did find out what happened to her. Looking back, I feel sorry for her. I have no idea what kind of family situation she came from, or how she ended up in foster care, but to get dropped into our family… that had to be awful. I haven’t thought about her since I was a kid. The rest of my childhood, up until high school, was a parade of incidents like this. Not knowing anything any different, I never really thought much about it all. It was the world I knew. Demons, witches and satanists were every where. The devil was constantly trying to influence us, and he had followers sacrificing kids, and raping babies in day care center basements, in his name. God was around, but you had to spend a lot of time looking for him. Or rather, you had to spend a lot of time looking REALLY HARD for signs of him, but you’d never actually see him. He worked in mysterious ways and such. The turning point for me started in high school. I got a job, a car, and started making friends and having a life away from the church, something that didn’t go unnoticed by my mother, and by the church. It wasn’t as if my friends and I sat around picking apart christianity, quite the opposite in fact. My friends all thought of themselves as christians. The difference was that their christianity was not the focal point of their lives. It was peripheral. It was something they believed, but that belief did not occupy every waking moment of their lives. This did create enough distance for me to start seeing things just a little bit differently. I had time to start actively contemplating some of the things in the bible that just didn’t add up, and to take a step back and actually, critically think about some of the things I was being taught in church and at youth group. I started to notice patterns of behavior in the church that bothered me. I remember standing in the church one day after a sermon, looking around the room and listening to what people were saying about homosexuality, and thinking to myself “This is not love, this is hatred disguised as love, and no one here can tell the difference”. At some point I went out and bought myself a Strong’s Concordance. I was then able to cross reference things, look for other places that certain things were mentioned, and instead of revealing more godly wisdom to me, it cast a glaring spotlight on all of the cracks and inconsistencies in the bible. Shit didn’t add up, and no one in the church wanted to address those things. It was a collective willful ignorance, and I was chastised for speaking up about it. Pretty soon I was asking who Adam and Eve’s children married, and what people was Cain worried about so much that god marked him to tell them to leave him alone, if there were no other people around? I wanted to know how we knew that so many other civilizations existed in the world, at the time of “the flood”, and yet they were not wiped out, and apparently failed to even notice the raining for forty days and forty nights, and the subsequent flooding. Egypt was a perfect example. They kept impeccable records of everything they did, and yet somehow this flood is never mentioned, and their civilization was untouched by it. I had a lot of questions. The answers were usually something along the lines of “I don’t know, but god does”, an answer which somehow satisfied everyone else in the room, all of whom were more than happy with the non-answer, and who felt comfortable with the idea that god knowing the answer was good enough. It wasn’t good enough for me though. Eventually my questions were brought to my parents’ attention, and what I was told by them and the church elders, was that I should spend more time meditating on god’s word, and less time asking questions. They didn’t put it like that, of course, but that’s what they were saying. It wasn’t just the unanswered questions, it was my increasing awareness that all of these people, not just in my church but every other church I had dealings with, were incredibly judgmental. They were spiteful, and hateful, and yet utterly convinced that they were the exact opposite of those things. By the time I hit college, what was left of my faith was hanging by a thread. The only thing that kept me calling myself a christian, was fear of the unknown. Christianity was all I had known, all my life. I was twenty five when I was finally comfortable saying out loud that I was not a christian. Nothing monumental happened that lead up to this, just more little experiences. Lots of little life lessons that showed more and more, that everything I’d learned growing up, was wrong. Not simply factually incorrect, but often morally wrong, and even harmful. I didn’t want to be a part of it anymore. To say that I have some lingering anger at christianity doesn’t really describe it. Yes, I am angry. It’s an internal struggle that I deal with every day. I’ll admit that when I learn that someone is a christian, it colors my view of them immediately, and they have to work harder to earn my respect. I know this is wrong. It’s difficult to shake. The de-conversion process was mostly about learning to recognize old behaviors, and eventually to see them coming so that I could choose to behave differently. Things like attributing every good event to god, and whispering a prayer of thanks under my breath, or a prayer of forgiveness when I did something I thought I shouldn’t have been doing. It took a while to shake attitudes toward women who behaved, or dressed in ways that the church taught me were unacceptable. It became this game of asking myself why I felt the way I did about certain things, and boiling it down to one simple question. Is a behavior harmful? That simple question became the litmus test by which I judged everything I did, and everything I saw other people doing. If I couldn’t find some harm in an action or behavior, then I could begin to see it differently, and think about it more critically. This was quite different from what I’d grown up with, which was simply “because god” or “because the bible”. It took years to change my thinking. I still look back at old behaviors, I look at the way I judged people, and I feel utterly foolish, even ashamed sometimes. I’m now forty-two years old. I no longer look at anything through the lens of christianity. I also no longer have to consciously play that mental tug of war with my old, christian beliefs. I don’t live in constant fear of the devil and satanists anymore. I no longer spend all of my time wondering what god thinks of what I’m doing at any given moment. In general, I’m a much happier person, and to be honest, much less of a judgmental ass.
  5. I made the conscious decision that I was no longer a christian when I was twenty-five years old. It probably took another five or six years to completely shed all of the fears and beliefs that I had accumulated over those twenty-five years, growing up in the church. The idea of a god watching and scrutinizing every aspect of your life takes some time to shake. It's a habit, like any other. What you need to try and focus on is recognizing those old habits when you do them. What you'll notice is that, at first, it can take hours or even days to realize that you've fallen into some old christian belief and let it dictate your behavior, so you shake it off, adjust your thinking about that particular incident and move on. Then it happens again, and again, and again... and that's normal. What you'll see is that, if you consciously acknowledge what you did each time you do it, that time between doing it and realizing you did it will start to shrink. After while, you'll begin to recognize the situations that lead to those incidents, and you'll start dealing with them or viewing them differently so that they stop happening all together. One day you'll realize that it's been weeks since it happened, then months, then years. It's actually a rehab process. Addicts, people with anger issues and the like, they go through the same thing and to be honest, it's really no different. Just keep at it, you'll be fine. Don't get too down on yourself for it. We've all been there.
  6. I wish I could be helpful here. I have no constructive response at all. I have no idea how one would respond to this without being argumentative. The entire letter is a rebuke, telling you how sinful, selfish and wrong you are being, rather than doing what a pastor should do, which is address your concerns and do what he can to help you. Sounds like typical "christian love" to me. I suppose that a sincere "I'm sorry you feel that way" letter might be appropriate, although I'm sure it will not be received well. I always find it interesting how people try to use the bible, which an athiest does not believe in, to prove that they are right and you are wrong. Every time someone starts quoting me scripture, I start quoting them back Kermit the frog lines. As far as I'm concerned, they hold the same amount of water. No, I take that back. I think I probably learned a lot more valuable lessons from Kermit than I ever did from the bible.