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DrNo

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DrNo last won the day on April 1 2014

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About DrNo

  • Rank
    Strong Minded

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  • Gender
    Male
  • Location
    San Antonio, TX
  • Interests
    Sci-Fi, Graphic Novels, fitness, history, Mumford & Sons, nature, good movies, Arrested Development, Game of Thrones, The Wire, Breaking Bad, Sons of Anarchy, Rome
  • More About Me
    Married, 2 kids. University professor and Marriage and Family Therapist in Texas.

Previous Fields

  • Still have any Gods? If so, who or what?
    Nope.
  1. Sadly, many religious people believe what they believe not because they have rationally thought about it and explored the history of the word, but because they take it on authority and have an emotional investment in it. The doctrine of hell raises the stakes so that the fear of eternal damnation takes over and they stop thinking clearly. Before you start giving her facts and alternative arguments, you might want to tackle the issue of how she knows which [Christian] beliefs to believe in, given that there are so many different flavors out there. Does she take it on authority from her local pa
  2. Great article on a woman's process on leaving behind her fundamentalist roots. No, it's not quite leaving Christianity, but there is a lot to relate to.
  3. For all the atheist parents out there, finally there's another book on Parenting Without God. Here's an excerpt on teaching your kids that hell is not real.
  4. Based on the status of the cocoon in the after credits scene, I agree that it's a good bet that Adam Warlock will feature prominently into the next one. ***POSSIBLE SPOILERS*** In fact, there's a lot of speculation that he could end up being Peter Quill's dad in the MCU, based on what Yondu and Quill's mom said about him. ***END POSSIBLE SPOILERS**** Also, here's hoping that Richard Rider will show up in the next one and launch a spinoff.
  5. I think you've made an important realization about yourself and your particular situation. Often times we slowly kill ourselves when we hide these important parts of our selves. As far as the least harmful way to tell people, the most important thing is probably just to not be a dick about it. Also, don't try to deconvert them by presenting a case, because that sets you up for an antagonistic relationship. They will try to argue back with you, and will be hurt and offended when you argue back. Try to simply own your own experience instead of making them experience it too. This means saying
  6. The book "In Faith and in Doubt" by Dale McGowan is out today, for those of us in the unequally yoked club. Here's a blurb taken from it on 7 benefits to being in a relationship with a believer (note that this isn't referring to just staying together, but actually having a real relationship with someone). http://www.patheos.com/blogs/friendlyatheist/2014/08/12/the-seven-benefits-of-a-relationship-between-an-atheist-and-a-believer/
  7. Not going to church can really suck when your family is there. I had the huge benefit of moving to a new city after my deconversion, so my wife had to start over at a new church. I wish I could say something that would make it instantly better, but it's just going to take time for everyone to get used to a new normal. As for your husband's cognitive dissonance, remember that not so long ago you never questioned your beliefs either. He is not emotionally ready to. When someone is not emotionally ready to confront a hard truth, they won't, no matter how many ways you try to show them that tr
  8. Murkywater, I am glad you are seeing a therapist. Hopefully it will help you manage your feelings about all of this and make decisions that are in your best interests. I can definitely relate to the obsessive piece. For MONTHS I found myself spending way too much time at work looking up apologetics, watching YouTube debates, and visiting Ex-C. As your beliefs become more comfortable, you will probably find that the obsessions die down significantly. I am glad that you and your husband are on the same page as far as staying together. You'll figure out the rest together, as long as you a
  9. It's sad that the term "atheist" has become a label that people assume the worst about. All "atheist" means is that you don't believe in any gods. It doesn't necessarily mean that you have a low opinion of people that do, or that you want to burn their Bibles or sacrifice children to Satan. It is just the lack of belief in any gods. And yet people assume that it means some pretty awful other things too. Atheism is a word that just says what you're not about, it says nothing about what you are about. Some atheists are humanists, others are nihilists, some are hedonists, and so on. People w
  10. Shack, you're very much correct. I phrased that pretty poorly, and I'm glad you questioned it. I was speaking in pretty broad brush strokes and revealing my bias. The research actually shows that some kids fare pretty well after divorce, and other kids don't. Two of the main mediating factors here are the level of conflict between the parents and whether or not the divorce comes as a surprise to the child. For children who experience constant fighting at home, divorce can be a very welcome escape. For those who never had a clue that their parents were unhappy, it can be a huge blow. From the s
  11. As long as you keep it right next to any of their books on evangelism, I think you should be OK. I mean, it's a win-win, right? Either they ask you to get rid of the book and agree to get rid of their evangelism books too, or they see that it's absurd that they can keep the living room bookshelf full of Bibles and Christian books while you have to keep your few in the freaking nightstand drawer.
  12. From what you wrote, it sounds like the marriage has been deteriorating for some time. It sounds like at least a part of you has wanted out for some time. There is no excuse for your wife's emotional affairs (let's hope that's all it was), but I think it's fair to say that these affairs were not born in a vacuum. The question you can only answer for yourself now is whether or not you want to try to salvage the relationship. Note that I said "relationship," not "marriage." Because anyone can stay married for the sake of the kids. That does not equal a real relationship (and it's not doing
  13. Sorry to hear about this. I hope it gets better. Have you read Peter Boghossian's book A Manual For Creating Atheists? It has some really useful tips for talking to people without it turning into a fight. The short version is: don't get into debates about facts, use Socratic questioning to ask lots of questions about how we know things and whether faith is a reliable way to learn about the world. Here's a short interview with him about this approach. I normally don't think it's a good idea for partners to try to change each other's beliefs, especially so fresh after deconverting, but h
  14. Everyone will have to decide for themselves what they can and can't afford to do in terms of coming out. For some of us, coming out would have very severe consequences (divorce, losing jobs, etc.). For others, there might be some consequences, but nothing you can't handle (losing some friends, e.g.). Still for others there would be almost no consequences. Those that can afford to come out should, IMO, to make it easier for others down the road. The acceptance of homosexuality is an apt analogy, in that culturally we started becoming far more tolerant when people saw that they actually knew som
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