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About Autumn2909

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  • Birthday 04/14/1988

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  • Interests
    Books. learning. writing. cycling. the environment. nature. being outside. history. my sweet doggie.
  • More About Me
    I'm a terrible cyclist. But I like it anyway.

Previous Fields

  • Still have any Gods? If so, who or what?
    exploring humanism

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  1. I still enjoy old christian music and lou Fellingham. Been out of the scene a few years now so can enjoy it as just music.
  2. More the social aspect. The community, the warmth, and also the music. I envy them sometimes, to be honest.
  3. Apologies for randomn spelling errors; in writing this on my phone at the moment
  4. I'm visiting a friend in the capital. We were very good friends at University and still hang out every 6 months or so. We we were also very good friends because of Christian Union and Church during our Uni years. Anyway, I'm staying with her this weekend, and she asked me to come to her church. She doesn't know about the extent of my drconversion, but she knows I'm much less engaged in organised religion than I used to be. She's an intelligent person so i think she knows me and Church aren't the greatest of friends these days. It is a difficult thing for me to talk ab
  5. I'm not going to, that's an old life.Just the urge never really goes away. Unfortunately accessing pro services means a long wait for an initial assessment. Unless I can "prove" to my private medical insurance (company provided) thatI need to access private services.
  6. *trigger warning* I'm also really fighting the urge to self harm again, just to feel something tangible.
  7. My life feels so devoid and empty. I feel outside of my self, numb and just...meh. I feel like my life is stuck while everyone else keeps moving, finding love, happiness, success, meaning. I have no community anymore. No comfort, no joy, no music, just...hollow. Ive been deconverting for about 3 years now. I figured I'd be feeling less lost by now. I wish I could have my Christian years back; I'd love to have a do-over of going super-evangelical church at university. If I didn't have my dog to get my out the house and into nature, I think I'd go nuts. When will this shitty
  8. The more depressed I was, the more desperately I chased God and craved to have the perfect faith.... Now I'm not religious, I struggle with depression still, but I don't live under the cloud of religiosity and fear of hell, feeling worthless because of my sinful nature etc etc.
  9. “Life should be lived so vividly and so intensely that thoughts of another life, or of a longer life, are not necessary.” –Marjory Stoneham Douglas That one is going in my journal
  10. I'm a big journaller, and have for the past few months been using thebullet journally system which I love, especially now I'm in a travelers style notebook (aka fauxdori)...... As a Christian, I was big on quotes and loved filling journal pages which lettering practice of bible verses, encouragements etc. A lot of the line BuJo community, especially in TNs apparently, are Christians which can be a bit alienating and triggering for me unfortunately. This journaling is something I'd like to re-adopt and reclaim as part of my "humanist-okay not knowing" journey. Please would share some
  11. For me the phasing out has been hardest. Like people I thought were my best friends at university has now gradually seemingly forgotten about me... and I'm not even fully out! I share a lot of humanist posts though so I suspect they get the idea. The ego in me sometimes wishes they were fervently praying about me, but I'm also glad for the indifference. Its easier to not feel as though you're desperately hurting people you love when they stop giving a shit. I think what hurts most is realising that people you thought really cared a bout you can so easily phase you out their lives. I'll a
  12. I unfriended the majority of the Christian FB "friends". Even the one who called herself my best friend for years hasn't hardly bothered to speak to me since I moved home. Got sick of seeing shitty christian posts popping through FB. Christians act like they're the greatest, most distinctive, people to be friends with- thats how they want to win disciples for christ. Yet as soon as you move away from their little cultish clique, they don't bother with you. Just found christians to be super fake in friendships Let why do I miss them sometimes? SIGH.
  13. UGH, Joyce Meyer annoyed me when I was an evangelical Christian. Now I even more want to slap her in her stupid, cultish, money grabbing face
  14. Overtime the topic of religion comes up at work, I vaguely want to throw up I tend to brush it over with " I'm a humanist but was raised Christian" and don't go into the uber- cultish evangelical christianity I got into at University because it hurts too much to talk about
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