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Adrianime last won the day on February 1 2013

Adrianime had the most liked content!

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About Adrianime

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  • Birthday 11/01/1987

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    Understanding, anime, atheists, how religion affects our society.
  • More About Me
    I'm a lifelong atheist. I would love to talk to ex-Christians to learn about their struggles, thoughts, and experiences.

    Oh and for the record I almost never proof read my posts before I post them (bad habit). Sorry in advance for errors.

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  • Still have any Gods? If so, who or what?

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  1. Thanks Deva, and thank you for reading. I didn't grow up in a happy home...so to me, one of the biggest things I want to avoid is a marriage in name only. A marriage that is only held together by a contract. What i want for my future is a marriage where I'm compelled to stay with my partner, cherish my partner, and love only my partner. I highly dislike seeing people jumping into marriage just to see them divorce 2-5 years later. Similarly I highly dislike people staying in unhappy marriages, especially when there are kids involved (because it screws up their kids' life -- know this first hand). My life, and my future will be glorious and amazing. Because I will make sure of it! And it will be full of love, family, laughs, and all. I'll never settle for just being passively content. And regarding your "cold-hearted" men. I think men are just scared. Just as women are. They aren't trying to hurt women when they do seemingly cold hearted actions..like breaking up with no explanation and whatnot. it's just cowardice. They are protecting themselves from the response they are scared of. I mean, I guess it is still a bit cold hearted. But in his head he is probably juggling trying to hurt himself the least, and you as little as possible, even if it means being a little dishonest.
  2. I said that stuff to her fully prepared for her to hate me for it. But I think it's alot better to be honest about my feelings than to just go along with this and always be thinking about other possibilities. And I didn't say to see if there is somebody better (though I'm sure it sounded that way). I said I needed to learn more about myself and more about what I want in the future. I tried not to sugar coat it, so yes that would likely involve seeing other people. My feelings are a bit complicated because I have actually been in love in the past. And that's why I'm so uncertain right now because I don't feel that way at the moment. I don't like to talk about my past love because I end up having to justify it since most people would argue it wasn't love. But I know what I felt. And what I admire isn't money or looks. What I admire is for lack of a better word a strong spirit. A fantastic energy. The ability to make others happy. The ability to love and care for others. Confidence. And much more. I admire ...admirable qualities haha. Qualities I strive for. That's what I admire.
  3. Is there any way to get alerts about BLOG activity? Even if I follow a blog, I don't seem to get alerts.

  4. Adrianime


    I'm sorry you are feeling this way. I often felt unneeded and unwanted growing up. When I was 12-15 my suicidal thoughts were not based off of pain, but of loneliness. "Nobody would care if I'm gone" "Does anybody actually love me?" "Am I useful to anybody?" It was hard for me to grasp my own self worth. For me, it took being loved. I've been loved by 3 or 4 people in my life. People who showed me that I was important to them...important to THEIR life. Even though only one person in my life probably really loves me now, I'm still pretty content. After my worth was discovered by others, I finally discovered it for myself. I feel very significant, and this feeling is NOT dependent on whether or not I am the center..or even majorly significant in somebody elses life. Honestly, this didn't fully kick in until the person I loved most in the world died. I see life as an opportunity now. An opportunity to find happiness and create happiness with others. I also see that everybody is living their own life, and my existance isn't necessarilly a "big deal" to anybody else. It may be, it may not be. But if it isn't, I won't hold it against them . That's just my current perspective now. Thought I'd share. As far as your feelings. You have things that make you happy, don't you? The little, or big things in life? What are they? Why can't you focus on those things? Just a suggestion.
  5. Thanks for taking the time to read this Galien. I know part of me is being stupid, thinking there may be something greater. For me, I think the main thing I might be looking for in a relationship (besides being in love) is admiration. I want to admire my partner. It is probably similar to your quest for an intelligent partner. I mean there are other things...just those obvious things that everybody wants. But as far as an important unique quality that I want in a relationship..admiration would be it. My current girlfriend and I are doing OK. We are behaving as normal. I just hope she isn't getting all sad about it behind closed doors and not telling me....I told her she can talk to me about anything. We actually have a lunch date today, so I'm going to take her out to some Pho .
  6. Sorry Duckie Girl about your BF. And no, Jesus is not the answer. Baka! (her, not you)
  7. That's because most people who actually take the time to point out spelling and grammatical errors on a casual internet forum or comments section are dicks. Yes, I notice almost every spelling or grammar mistake that people make (including myself), but so what? If it isn't an essay or a publication, what's the harm? If I was in a parental or mentor role over somebody, then yes, it's totally necessary to point it out. But random stranger on the internet? It doesn't hurt me if they spell incorrectly. I'm not your parent . And me acting like one..would just be a dick move. I HATE seeing people correct other people's spelling and grammar on an open/casual forum. That's some real uptightedness right there. Not to mention, I'm probably very guilty of grammatical, punctuation, and sentence structure errors myself, as I moved through alot of schools as a kid and I'm pretty sure I somehow skipped alot of those writing fundamentals. I don't know the technicalities whatsoever! Edit: fixed some typos
  8. Monday, April 8th, 2013 This will be my first actual blog entry I've ever made in my life. I have never written something with the intent of it becoming a "blog". In fact the whole blogging concept started without me paying much attention to it. But anyways, here it goes. I have a wonderful 26 year old girlfriend. She treats me so well, as I do to her. She is sweet, she understands me, she is goofy with me and shares my sense of humor. She is beautiful as well as sexy. Also, she has been my first (and only)...for many things. The first girl I've kissed. The first girl whose body I've touched in any way outside of a hug or handshake (except one time grinding at a club in Canada). The first girl I've taken on a traditional dinner date. She helped me get my driver's license by letting me practice in her car. She's the first girl i've introduced to my family. The first girl whose family I have met. The first girl I've passionately hugged. The first girl I've taken on a trip. The first girl I've stayed at a hotel with. And of course she is the one who took my virginity. But despite her wonderfulness, there is one major problem in our relationship. We've been in a relationship for 2.5 years, and I am just not in love with her. Or at least I'm fairly certain I'm not. I've never said the words "I love you" (Though she has said them to me) to her. We've talked about it before. But I do not like to just say those words. Because to me saying "I love you" when you mean "I'm in love with you" is basically the same as saying "I want to be with you forever". Don't get me wrong, I care about her very deeply. Probably as much or more than most people do when they say those three words. Those words just have specific and special meaning to me. And I'm not going to use them prematurely just because it's normal in our culture. When I think about my future, I can sometimes see her in it. But usually not. She and I have very different interests. In fact I'm not even sure what her interests are. I know she likes to watch movies and TV shows. I know she likes to bake. But she never seems to have anything she wants to do. And she doesn't like to share my interests (anime, Japanese culture, religion, video games, exercise). I actually like to do any random old thing out of the house...but she never has any such things. Also since she is unemployed, she doesn't have money to do things, so if we do find something to do that costs money per person, I need to pay for her portion and her food. Don't get me wrong, she is very generous, when she actually has money. Also, she has been unemployed for the entirety of our relationship. She was in school for most of it. She finished school and DID get a job for about 3 months, but then they let her go. Her parents have been paying her way to live in the city we live in. I think she will likely have to move back home. Unless she gets a job soon...but with this Job market and basically no experience it is not going to be easy. Ah, and she also only has a few friends that I know of. Her old roommate, his boyfriend, and an old friend from elementary school that she never sees or talks to. It confuses me and bums me out that she doesn't have more people in her life. I try my best to keep my old friends in my life. I probably have between 10 and 20 people from highschool and college that I would call my good friends. I still like to hang out with these people whenever I get the chance. I really want her to have something like that. She needs a social network (not as the saying is used today, but an actual one). So here I am with this wonderful, sweet, caring, beautiful, sexy, funny, unemployed, friendless, hobbyless girl who I care about more than anybody else in the world. Who is my best friend. Oh, and I forgot to mention that her family is pretty religious (even though she isn't, but that is not "out"). But, I can't help but wonder what else is out there. I can't help but wonder if I could find a girl who was not only a great girlfriend, but who I could share my hobbies with, or get to know her friends, or enjoy hanging out with her family. I can't help but wonder what it's like to be with somebody else. What would it be like being with a girlfriend that had an income? What would it be like kissing or sleeping with another girl? I really don't know. And it kills me to wonder these things...because I feel like I am not ready to commit to marriage until I do know these things. I feel I could marry my current girlfriend...if I experienced more in life and realized that how I feel for her really IS it. It doesn't get any better! But I'm so scared that it does get better, and I could have not just a "great" relationship but a "wonderful almost beyond belief" relationship. I don't want to not get the most I can out of life, and I'm just not certain that with her I will be able to do that. .......... So it took some courage. But yesterday, I finally came out and told her most of this. I told her I won't be ready to marry until I have more experience. Experience being alone again (now with money, last time I was single I was broke and carless). Experience being with other girls. I told her I think we have a great relationship, but to be honest with my own feelings I don't think I'll ever be able to commit at the rate things are going. I told her I didn't want to hurt her, but I don't want to keep this from her because she should know...because it's her life too. I told her that nothing has to change now...if she doesn't want it to. We can still be together...but someday I feel it will have to end. I cried so hard while I was telling her. My voice trembled as I held her. I am so scared of losing her, even though I know this is all my decision. It's hard for me to imagine life without her. She cried too, which only made me cry more. I hurt her. I've almost never hurt her emotionally before. This was probably my second time..but it was such a huge way to hurt her. We held each other, crying and talking for an hour or two. She doesn't want to lose me. I don't want to lose her. But I do want to know what else is out there. Having only been with her...I feel like I can't make an informed decision on my own life. After the crying, we agreed to keep going as usual. And no matter what to always be friends. Our time is limited now, but we still care about each other. We can still make some great memories. There are mainly 3 scenarios I see at this point. 1. Her parents give her an ultimatum and say get a job by X date or else move home (they actually did this last year before she got her previous job). If this happens we will stop being a couple before she moves. (This Scenario is most likely) 2. She does get a job, or her parents keep paying for her living here. If this happens I will probably have to break things off by the end of the year. 3. She gets too sad about this and can't handle the thought of "impending doom" on our relationship and breaks it off with me. But for now, I'll just enjoy being with her as much as I can. I'll live in the moment for now. We aren't broken up yet. Life isn't that simple. Love isn't that simple. I hope she and I will always be friends. And who knows? Maybe in 5 or 10 years she and I will end up together. Not that I will be waiting for that, and I hope she won't either. For now I'll live life one day at a time.
  9. Those were some super sucky things for her to do. She needs to not be manipulative..ESPECIALLY not in company.
  10. I wish I could say, "She must have lead a pretty good life to be able to have that much absolute trust in something without questioning." But I know even those who have gone through a good deal of grief and betrayal can have strong faith (evidenced by my own family). If I were in your shoes (being me, not you). My biggest battle would be getting her to try to understand why I lost belief. I'd relate it to the greek gods, or to the hindu gods, and just be like, "do you see how you cannot just believe that without proof? That is how I feel, can you understand that?" For me it would be very important that my partner understood that, whether or not she changed her beliefs at all. That is for ME though, because I just don't think i could handle a relationship otherwise emotionally. Whatever works best for you, only you know. That's great that you kid is very inquisitive. Play alot of pranks on her, so she knows that things are not always what they seem . Haha!
  11. Hey man, I'm really sorry. I have no adequate advice as you seem to be very together about the whole thing. Although, personally I couldn't tithe no matter what pressure I was being hit with from anybody. I hope she accepts the real you at some point. The real struggle may be with your kids though. As much as you want skeptics, she may want brainwashing. It's a common battle, and I hope it turns out well. Does she ever express interest in understanding your way of thinking? Does she ever express doubt? Or is she scared to doubt? I'm just curious. By the way, nice pic. Haha.
  12. Picked up Xenoblade yesterday! Yeahuhh!!

    1. Show previous comments  3 more
    2. Denyoz


      At the price it sells on eBay, it better be good! :)

    3. Adrianime


      I got lucky and picked it up for $50 at gamestop :).

    4. Denyoz


      Let me know if it was worth it.

  13. If you saw two non-human animals in an abusive relationship, what would you do? Like if a dog occasionally bit its mate, or a monkey occasionally beat its mate...

    1. Show previous comments  3 more
    2. Adrianime


      yeah. It just points out that objective morality doesn't exist. There are no universal rights and wrongs. Behaviors and actions are only right and wrong in the context of the social structure in which they are examined.



    3. Galien


      one of my cats bites all the others, when it does i kick its butt. the weaker ones need to be protected from the aggressive one. i have a very strong drive to do that, with animals and people.

    4. Blue elephant

      Blue elephant

      My "married" pair of cats would occasionally pick a stylised fight with each other. It was like "Geez you're giving me the shits tonight!"

  14. For the first time in my life, this year the Easter Bunny did not hide a basket for me at home. I'm disappointed!

    1. crazyguy123


      Maybe the Easter Bunny just hid it too well. Maybe he put a cloaking device in the basket that makes it completely invisible and requires a code word or phrase to make it visible.

  15. I've noticed that some people appear to be able to edit posts without the "this post has been edited" message. I'm guessing that has to do with total number of posts? Is there a rulebook somewhere with all these random rules?

    1. Thurisaz


      It's been a long time but I seem to remember it depends on your member status; if you're a paid member you get the "silent edit" option.

    2. Adrianime


      Ahh, so that is what it is.

    3. JadedAtheist


      yep, paid member privilege :)

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